Sony

Doctor, I can’t find a (WipEout) Pulse!

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If there’s anyone out there that had a bad day today, I’ve got something to bring that smile back to your face. It’s a Eurogamer interview with Clark Davies, the designer on WipEout Pulse, the sequel to Sony Liverpool’s uber-awesome PSP launch hit, WipEout Pure.

I’ve talked about my chronic love for all things WipEout in a previous blog post, but my heart went through the roof this morning after hearing all the new things they’ve managed to fit in the sequel. Better get some Vicodin for this one, it may knock you into a joy-induced coma.

First off, we have a funky new gameplay element called “Mag-Strips” that keeps your ship grounded to the track. This opens up things like loop-de-loops and other such crazy track formations, but Davies promises it will be utilized for more than “the obvious corkscrew or roller-coaster ideas.” →  Rayman Reading Rabbids

Nintendo – Honest designers or Japanese super ninja thieves?

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Today I stumbled upon my bag of E3 2005 crap. I hadn’t remembered it was under the bed right next to the box of Chick Tracts (kids love them!) A quick look through the pamphlets and goodies made me recall how much of a bloated orgy E3 was. Just how many more Sony key chains, FFVII Before Crisis monitor wipers, paper Sly Cooper 3D glasses, and Phoenix Wright branded cans of coffee did they expect to give out before the whole thing collapsed under the weight of hastily thrown together demos, rabid consumerism (yes, I fought someone for that can of coffee, and no, coffee should not be in cans), thudding bass and barely dressed women?

The answer was “one years worth.” E3 as we knew it is over and the industry is better off, but this is all irrelevant. →  Read more, before it’s too late!

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.4.07

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Sony markets to teens
Sony decided this was a smart business move after analyzing the figures:
Selling games to 10 year olds = totally lame (Nintendo sux LOL)
Selling games to 14 year olds = awesome to the max (we rulz)

The All I want for Christmas is a PSP, Sony’s first attempt to market to teens, went over slightly better than September 11th. Most failed ads don’t bring in more customers, this failed ad led to current customers donating their PSPs to their walls at 15 MPH.

EA noticing Wii and DS appeal to kids, plans bad mini-game game to cash in
EA Playground appeals to “the kid in everyone.” How exactly did EA deduce this? There are the obvious things that appeal to kids but not adults, like finding the opposite sex disgusting and eating chalk. →  Read more, before it’s too late!

Xbox to make its first dollar in 2008

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Yeah, seven years after the original Xbox was released. If this was the plan all along, there would’ve been no way in Hell that the Xbox project would have been green-lit had it been anyone but Microsoft. It has cost the company billions already, which isn’t a very favorable position when dealing with shareholders.

From eWeek via Next-Gen.biz, Robbie Bach, president of Microsoft’s Entertainment and Devices Division, states that through peripherals, software sales (1st and 3rd party titles), and Xbox Live, the Xbox platform will finally see a profit next year. Welcome, Microsoft, to the club that Nintendo has been a part of since, well, forever.

This fact just goes to show you how much money Microsoft can afford to waste on something like a gaming console. They’ve lost billions of dollars in the last seven years, but are still going into the console market with all guns blazing. →  Four out of five dentists recommend reading more.

Kutaragi is Kutarazy

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Ken Kutaragi recently made it known that he has design ideas for the PS4. And the PS5. And the PS6. Based on Phil Harrison’s declaration that the PS3 is future proof, the PS4 should hit the market between about 84 thousand years from now and never. But even if you’re one of those cynics who don’t believe everything PR people say, you’ve got to figure the PS4 will launch around 2012. With five years each generation, that gives us the PS6 in 2022, a full 15 years from now.

Maybe Kutaragi has a knack for correctly interpreting Nostradamus, but he is probably just delusional. How could he possibly be planning anything beyond the color of the PS6 casing? Technology advances in fits and starts and is difficult to predict even without any unforeseen break throughs (cars, radio, TV, internet, The Clapper). →  Disaster Readport

Console logos throughout the ages

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This year, 2007, marks the 30th anniversary of the Atari 2600 release, which is what many consider to be the very first commercial video game console. And since then, the gaming populace has been privy to 21 major home consoles. To celebrate this momentous year, I have painstakingly researched and categorized each of the 18 home consoles’ logos. Yes, I have nothing else better to do with my time. So, with that in mind, let’s take a quick stroll through history, shall we?

Atari 2600: Here we have the granddaddy of them all: the Atari 2600. I don’t really understand what this logo stands for, but it must mean something cool, as it can still be seen on t-shirts and stickers everywhere. If you’re trying to convey the fact that you’re a retro gamer, you probably have the Atari logo somewhere in your gaming bordello. →  You do not simply walk into reading more.

Goat of War

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In a shockingly candid interview with videolamer, Phil Harrison has granted us some insight into the often confusing world of Sony PR. The recent goat incident, in which a decapitated goat was refitted with the head of a Bigfoot costume, is just a spark in the upcoming storm of marketing blitz Sony will be unleashing this summer, says Harrison.

“The next God of War installment is coming soon, and we have ads that will make the white PSP advert look tame.”

In addition to unrolling a host of new printed ads, including an image of Kratos circumcising Zeus, Harrison promises Sony events to further get us in the warring mood.

“The standard headless goat stunt we used for God of War 2 simply won’t impress any longer. I can’t give too much away, but I can mention that we have constructed a flesh and bones minotaur. →  Sega Ages 2500 Series Vol. 5: Golden Post

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.27.07

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Ken Kuraragi finally falls on his sword
I have called for Ken’s resignation many times, but like a president bombarded by calls to fire a cronie, end a war, step down, or learn to read Kutaragi has ignored me entirely. That is until yesterday. Ken has finally listened to my sharp criticism and based a life altering decision on it…or has he?

“And God said unto me, ‘Make thy console large, make it powerful, but above all else hold unto this truth: Make thy console expensive.'”

The Japanese, unlike Americans, have a thing they like to call sushi. This raw fish (California rolls don’t count, hippy) is symbolic of another concept we Americans lack – honor. For you see, in ancient Japan the sushi roller guy was thought to be the embodiment of the fisherman’s god, Zeus. →  Sega Ages 2500 Series Vol. 5: Golden Post

PS3 Gets Boatload of PS1 Titles…in Japan

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Through their newest 1.70 firmware update for the PS3, Sony has bestowed upon the Japanese buying public a cornucopia (25 to be exact) of PS1 titles for purchase through the Playstation Store. This will also mark the very first time that PS1 titles are playable on the PS3. Before today, they were only playable on the PSP, which makes absolutely no sense.
Blocky characters in 1080p: totally worth $600.

And sadly, not all of the titles that are being released tomorrow are playable on the PS3. You can check out the complete list at PSPFanboy.

Now, although this is only for Japan, it does seem that Sony is at least somewhat trying to do what Nintendo has been doing with their Virtual Console Mondays. Nintendo has been on the ball ever since the service started a week after the Wii’s launch, and after seeing how much profit they stand to gain from doing nothing releasing their old wares, Sony has decided it’s their turn to milk their customers of their hard-earned money. →  Postgaea 2: Cursed Memories

Xbox 360 loses a few exclusives / PS3 gains Chopin

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Namco’s Chopin themed RPG Trusty Bell and SCi’s almost biblical Kain & Lynch, both once 360 exclusives, are now coming to the PS3 as well. Sony naysayers (me) are now faced with acknowledging neither console is safe from losing exclusive titles. Third party publishers seem unsatisfied with their platform choices. The 360 failed to dominate the market during its year lead and is currently being outsold by the GBA in Japan and the PS3 is catching on slower than most anticipated, likely due to it being positioned as a meal at a fine restaurant in the back of a Mercedes that is for everyone. Publishers could go to Nintendo, but then their triple A games look like shit and are stuck on one platform, whereas a game developed on either of the other two could be easily ported. →  Theme Postital