Review – Real Soccer 2008

When I first spotted “Real Soccer” in my local game shop, I was initially under the impression that the game’s name was an indication of a metaphysical breakthrough at Ubisoft labs. Sick of titles stuck with the “virtual” nomenclature, Ubisoft had determined – Matrix-like – that they could decide what is and is not real. I mean, what is “reality,” anyway, right? Yeah.

Sadly, however, the title instead betrays the pathetic lack of sports titles for the DS. Not “this is real soccer,” but “omigosh! Honest-to-goodness real soccer on the DS!!” It makes more sense when one appreciates that the title’s name is Real Football in the UK, and there are probably plenty of British dudes who are sick of us calling our decidedly un-foot-centric game by the name of football, but whatever. →  Europa Universalis IV: Articles of War

Ziff Davis files for chapter 11, rebel journalists celebrate

So Ziff Davis, owner of the magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly and website 1Up, is finally going under. Last week they filed for bankruptcy (I hope you didn’t have any gift cards for their merchandise). This probably won’t mean much since companies have the amazing ability to survive even after they’ve lost all of their money, but for the sake of argument pretend it means that the 1Up network is dying.

Should this passing be celebrated or mourned? Forget that there are real people who need to eat running these publications for a moment – our capitalist system is harsh and we all implicitly agree that if people can’t make a living doing what they do then they are probably not good enough at that job (minus those of us who belong to the American Communist Party – I still believe in our mission comrades, this whole site is a ploy to gain the trust of the greedy pigs). →  Max Post 2: The Fall of Max Post

Others help SNK shoot itself in the foot

If you are a modern day SNK fan like me, you know the company has done absolutely squat to promote its games. The only one of recent memory to get a serious push was the original Maximum Impact, which featured a collectors edition, classy packaging, and ads during sporting events. Everything else, including MI’s far superior sequel, has had anywhere near the publicity. Every game has been a near silent release, to the point where people aren’t even sure of a solid release date. I have heard the faintest of buzz about Neo Geo Battle Colliseum, but this is completely the doing of fans and curious people who have been wondering why it has taken years for a port of it to show up.

Because of all this, Videolamer will be one of the first US gaming sites to review the American release of King of Fighters XI on PS2. →  Postgaea 2: Cursed Memories

Review – Mario Party 8

Mario Party 8 is great for those who love board games, but don’t have a properly calibrated floor to play one on. I was so bored playing the required 80 hours of remedial shoots and ladders needed to unlock all of the party games that I started to appreciate Warhol’s “Sleep”. The party games combine the all the fun of watching real estate infomercials with the innovation of watching a marathon of real estate infomercials.

  No disrespect to Tom Vu, however. In his infomercial, this late 80’s real estate mogul turned seminar hawker/ pimp had a waterfall that he built using the leftover chicks from the playboy mansion. And best of all, he would act like he never saw them. He would give the original crib tour and walk by as if he just had a non-woman waterfall built of regular rocks and Waterfall-Mart bought supplies.
 →  Now with fewer vowels.

UK Says HELL No to Manhunt 2

Just as we start to think that everything has settled down in England with all that rubbish about games causing deaths (even though we all know that it’s over-sized hot dogs that kill the majority of the human population), ELSPA decide it’s time to find a new scandal — Manhunt 2.

It was obviously going to kick up a fuss. The first game did. But it does carry (or it would have done) an adult rating and only adults are allowed to play it, so what’s the problem? Worst part about it is that ELSPA forgot to tell Rockstar first, preferring to let them read it in the British press first.

Conveniently, MCV posed an interesting question this week regarding this very issue. What if Rockstar would have made Silent Hill? →  Post of Tsushima

Amazing adventures at Best Buy

Last night I went to Best Buy with the intention of buying a portable RPG for my upcoming plane ride to England. I chose that particular store because it is close to home and closes late, not because it doesn’t suck. Looking for Contact for the DS, I had a myriad of experiences that I’d like to now share with you.

– The PS3 demo kiosk is not working. Some racing game is stuck at the course selection screen and there is a short loop of bad heavy rock music playing. This same game crashed at the same spot at the same Best Buy a few weeks ago. I’m not sure if that store got a bad kiosk or if all the kiosks are that awesome. I do know I’m not closer to spending a months rent on PS3, though. →  Read Read Revolution: Disney Channel Edition

The Wii-Hunt Is Over

I’ve just spent since the UK launch (8th Dec) searching for a Wii. I’ve traipsed all the websites, and clenched my fists at the mocking “out of stock” signs. I even let it drop when I walked into another game shop yesterday to find out that yes, they do have stock, but no, they aren’t going to give me one because they’re for the people who have pre-ordered. And not turned up four days later.

Then I got a hot tip. Virgin Megastores at a shopping mall a fair bit away from me (an hour on a train) would have them in some time early this week. £30, 15 wasted hours and way too much time spent on public transport, I finally have one. And I’ve got to say, it’s unbelievable. →  Ridge Reader V

Where has the hype gone?

Here in England, we always get things late. Sometimes very late, but that’s usually just Sony (I still stand by my claim that the PS3 won’t be out here until November). Something that England and the rest of Europe usually have, though, is an abundance of hype, hype, and more hype. Strangely enough, we all of a sudden have a lack of hype, and since the Wii has been released in America it seems to have disappeared off of the face of the planet over here. It’s released here in less than a month, so where has it all gone?

Maybe Nintendo have suddenly discovered that it won’t appeal to us Limeys. They’ve seen that the majority of the reviews by fat balding Americans of Red Steel be a tad negative, and they must be assuming the same for the English. →  Welcome to the Fantasy Zone.

The cost of gaming (or not gaming)

This New Year’s, I’ll be in London. My vacation promises to be sweet, but something struck me earlier today. Does it count as regicide if the royal family is merely allowed to keep their castle for show? If you accidentally run down the Queen whilst driving the wrong way (which would be her fault in the first place for allowing people to drive on the left side of the street) does it count as vehicular regicide?

Also, if I didn’t go to England, I could afford a PS3. You must be saying, “What are you, a fucking idiot? The point of life is to experience new things, see new places, run over queens. It’ll do you good to get out of your bedroom and will give your forearm muscles some time to heal.” →  All you need is read.

Sony Ram More Hard Phallic Instruments Up Britain

It really is never ending is it? First we get told that we wont receive the PS3 until March, which I accurately predicted about a year ago (shame I didn’t put a bet on it), and now Head Honcho Harrison is refusing to tell us that we’ll be getting it for March. Which I also predicted a couple of months back. This time, I’m going to commit this prediction to the web: I reckon the PS3 won’t be released in England until November 2007. That’s right. That late. They screwed us with the PSP, and now they’re doing the same with the PS3.

When asked whether or not the console would be released in Britain and Europe for the predicted March launch window, Harrison merely said:

“It’s not my job to comment on hardware supply issues other than to say some very smart people are working very hard to catch up”

Let me rephrase that statement in to what he really wanted to say:

“I’d like to tell you that we really don’t know when the console will be out in Europe, and to be honest we really don’t care. →  [link only works on even seconds]

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.11.06

Handheld gaming devices are now terrorist weapons
Now I’ll need to build a steam powered gaming device for my trip to England. I was really looking forward to playing Al Qaeda’s Touch Terror and the Taliban’s Death to Americhat on my DS, too. Apparently, US Flights are also banning liquids. I think I’ll debate the flight attendant on how glass can be considered a liquid and therefore the windows must be removed until he decides to ignore me.

If most gamers were nerds who got beaten up as kids, wouldn’t they want to play a game where you beat up bullies instead of a game where you are a bully?

Kotaku talks to anti-bullying guy
In the interview, the anti-bully group guy says that some games shouldn’t be made. George Carlin has said that everything is open to humor and I completely agree with him, only I include more than humor. →  But the future refused to change.