posts by craig
craig

Morning Glory Issue 002

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panhunt

After the BBFC declared that Manhunt 2 would never be released in its current state, or indeed without “significant changes”, Rockstar have decided to go back to the drawing board with Manhunt. Or is that the kitchen chopping board?

In an unprecedented move, Rockstar have today announced that Manhunt 2 will not be released, but there is good news — Panhunt will be released in its place.

Panhunt will follow the misadventures of Head Chef Billy Chopsticks as he goes about his daily business of cooking meals for his doting public. In typical videogame style, the beginning of Panhunt sees Billy losing everything he owned — his world-renowned restaurant, his gorgeous wife, and most crucially — his razor sharp cutting implements.

But, Rockstar have said, this won’t be a typical case of rags to riches, rather a case of “rags to prettier rags”. →  Read the rest

Morning Glory Issue 001

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In this first ever issue of Morning Glory, we see the typical setting of two gamers talking. One day we might see three gamers talking, or even four. This morning only required two though, so only two there are. Bring forth gamers one and two.
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It’s the typical setting of a conversation. There are two people. One fellow clearly favours the food, whilst the other obviously doesn’t favour it as much.

Porky decides it’s his turn to start off a deep and meaningful conversation. His expression suddenly turns sullen, and he takes in a deep breath.

“Hey man.”

“Hey.”

Porky fucks up starting a deep and meaningful conversation. Nevertheless, he ploughs on with vigour. He takes another deep breath, as if launching into a long speech.

“Have you heard about Manhunt 2 being banned in Europe? →  Read the rest

UK Says HELL No to Manhunt 2

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Just as we start to think that everything has settled down in England with all that rubbish about games causing deaths (even though we all know that it’s over-sized hot dogs that kill the majority of the human population), ELSPA decide it’s time to find a new scandal — Manhunt 2.

It was obviously going to kick up a fuss. The first game did. But it does carry (or it would have done) an adult rating and only adults are allowed to play it, so what’s the problem? Worst part about it is that ELSPA forgot to tell Rockstar first, preferring to let them read it in the British press first.

Conveniently, MCV posed an interesting question this week regarding this very issue. What if Rockstar would have made Silent Hill? →  Read the rest

Houston — Wii have a success story

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“The Wii is just a gimmick, it’ll never work.”

“Everybody will have forgot about it in two months time.”

Those two statements have been on the tip of my tongue for a long time now, and I’ve been spouting them to anyone who would listen for even longer. In retrospect I probably sounded like a crazed ex-Nintendo employee hell-bent on putting a stop to their massive success, but it seems even my misplaced educated guesses have proven to be slightly awry. And so it is I announce with a mix of self loathing and excitement that I actually do love the Wii.

But then again, what’s not to love? The first day I brought my Wii home, all happy and proud like a cat that just got a pudding of monumental proportions, my whole family had had a crack at it. →  Read the rest

The Wii-Hunt Is Over

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I’ve just spent since the UK launch (8th Dec) searching for a Wii. I’ve traipsed all the websites, and clenched my fists at the mocking “out of stock” signs. I even let it drop when I walked into another game shop yesterday to find out that yes, they do have stock, but no, they aren’t going to give me one because they’re for the people who have pre-ordered. And not turned up four days later.

Then I got a hot tip. Virgin Megastores at a shopping mall a fair bit away from me (an hour on a train) would have them in some time early this week. £30, 15 wasted hours and way too much time spent on public transport, I finally have one. And I’ve got to say, it’s unbelievable. →  Read the rest

Review – Gears Of War

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With a game that has so much hype grabbing onto to its heels and biting violently, it’s difficult to even know where to begin with such a review. I feel I should be writing an equally monumental review to represent the game: a 3,000 page mini encyclopaedia describing every minute detail that would no doubt spoil the game when you eventually pick it up, and lead to you sending me brown stuff in paper bags through my letterbox. Seeing as though I don’t want large amounts of waste dropping on my doorstep, I’ll refrain. So, where in the hell should I start?

He’s a man’s man (but still straight).

Let’s start at the obvious place — the graphics. I doubt you need me to tell you how pretty this game is, because we’ve all seen the screenshots. →  Read the rest

Next Generation?

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I was reading a piece of literature about the Wii the other day. You know, the usual suspect: the glossy ten page magazine saying that the product will revolutionise whatever market it is coming to. Surprisingly, it was an interesting little mag, but it was two words that caught my eye. “New Generation.”? These two words by themselves mean little to anybody, but let me be nice and put them into context for you: “It’s better to think of the Wii as a new generation console rather than next generation.” This throwaway media statement got me thinking more than it should have, and now I’m wondering, what actually makes a next generation game?

The more helpful way to look at the “next generation”? is to start by considering the Xbox 360. →  Read the rest

Where has the hype gone?

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Here in England, we always get things late. Sometimes very late, but that’s usually just Sony (I still stand by my claim that the PS3 won’t be out here until November). Something that England and the rest of Europe usually have, though, is an abundance of hype, hype, and more hype. Strangely enough, we all of a sudden have a lack of hype, and since the Wii has been released in America it seems to have disappeared off of the face of the planet over here. It’s released here in less than a month, so where has it all gone?

Maybe Nintendo have suddenly discovered that it won’t appeal to us Limeys. They’ve seen that the majority of the reviews by fat balding Americans of Red Steel be a tad negative, and they must be assuming the same for the English. →  Read the rest

Sony Ram More Hard Phallic Instruments Up Britain

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It really is never ending is it? First we get told that we wont receive the PS3 until March, which I accurately predicted about a year ago (shame I didn’t put a bet on it), and now Head Honcho Harrison is refusing to tell us that we’ll be getting it for March. Which I also predicted a couple of months back. This time, I’m going to commit this prediction to the web: I reckon the PS3 won’t be released in England until November 2007. That’s right. That late. They screwed us with the PSP, and now they’re doing the same with the PS3.

When asked whether or not the console would be released in Britain and Europe for the predicted March launch window, Harrison merely said:

“It’s not my job to comment on hardware supply issues other than to say some very smart people are working very hard to catch up”

Let me rephrase that statement in to what he really wanted to say:

“I’d like to tell you that we really don’t know when the console will be out in Europe, and to be honest we really don’t care. →  Read the rest

Gears Of War In Bilingual Shocker, And I Think I’m Developing Mental Problems

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According to some random guy hidden in the very deep dark depths of the Internet (don’t go there without rubberised protection and lots of sharp objects), Gears of War is apparently region free. His post isn’t all that informative in explaining his method of finding out, so like a good videogaming fan I must assume he is correct.

Try to skip the fact that Play-Asia blatantly tells this person that he is, in fact, wrong. As a British guy who isn’t getting the damn game for another 10 days, I’m now mulling over the possibilities of purchasing from Play-Asia on the off chance that the guy-from-the-random-website might actually be correct.

I simply can’t wait 10 days. Splinter Cell: Double Agent may be good, but this, this is something else. →  Read the rest

1UP-manship: A sad day to be a Journalist

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I think nearly everyone on the planet (or at least in the gaming community) has heard about 1UP’s Neverwinter Nights 2 disaster. If not, it went something like this: 1UP decided that their recently completed Neverwinter Nights 2 review did, and I quote: “a disservice to fans of the RPG genre.”

Both you and I know that that’s a bit vague, so I’ve decided to get to the bottom of the fiasco and find out what the real reason was for the pulling. Seeing as though I’m neither a super spy nor a private detective though, it’ll probably be speculation.

Possibility 1 — The review was actually a bit shit
Allegedly, the first time the review was submitted by Matt Peckham (who is a freelancer) he was asked to toddle away and make it a little bit more polished. →  Read the rest