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Let’s keep working together

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It has recently come to my attention that a number of videolamer staff are trying to unionize. I am posting this open letter response here because I do not have all you greedy, backstabbing assholes’ email addresses. And because I care.

lame Team,

We write during this extraordinary time for our company, our site, our writers and our country to tell you we want you to love coming to work every day. We’re making progress and we will not stop trying to do our best for you. We love you.

Also, we want to share our thoughts related to the current barrage of union activity that has been directed at videolamer and other “non-union” websites during this difficult time we call the 21st century. →  When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called a game.

Waving the White Flag – Wartales

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On the surface, Wartales looks a lot like other games I like. I enjoy large-scale simulations, I like fiddly minigames with bonus rewards, I love RPGs, and I even sometimes play tactical games.  But in the end I stopped playing Wartales before getting to the second town, waving the white flag of freedom after 15 hours.

There are a few different reasons for this. One is that it’s not possible to focus on just a single aspect of the game. While you have the freedom to, for example, forge weaponry for your squad using the blacksmith “profession”, the materials required to do it must either be purchased in limited quantity or mined from nodes that respawn at unpredictable intervals and are spread throughout the map.  →  Shadow of the Article

Dear lamer: Child rearing advice from a professional video game player

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In this exciting new series, our mascot answers letters readers have sent in with sage advice.

Dear lamer,

I am a real person who hacked their Genesis mini to add a bunch of regular and popular games, such as King Colossus, that Sega omitted from the product. My neighbor, who is not actually the neighbor of someone who writes for this website, saw this excellently decked out Genesis mini and asked to borrow my “Sega Genesis” sometime in 2023. Have you noticed an immediate tell that someone doesn’t have much or any experience with Sega consoles is the use of the word “Sega” before naming a system? It’s a Genesis, a Saturn, a Dreamcast. No one cool says Sega Genesis or Sega Dreamcast, just like anyone familiar with Nintendo doesn’t call the Super Nintendo the Nintendo Super Nintendo.  →  Now you’re reading with power.

2025 in Virtual Postcards

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The only general addition to video game console controllers in several decades now is the share button. Now a relic itself as I think we’re kinda collectively done with the social-media- through-your-gaming-device experiment: the PlayStation’s janky native streaming seemingly never took off, Xbox arguably peaked with the 360 dashboard and avatars and you need to daisy chain a whole series of antiquated devices to get stuff off your Switch SD card.  

However, I’m interested in why it is we choose to capture those digital postcards. I use the snapshot button way, way more than I would have guessed and for the most part those images go nowhere. Part of my motivation, and I know this is going to age me one thousand human years by typing it out, is because I still remember a time where if you wanted to rewatch a cool cutscene that plays 34 hours into an RPG, the only way of doing so was creating save slots on physical memory cards (normally at a fixed save point) just before it played. →  It’s time to read and chew bubblegum… and I’m all outta gum.

Wednesdays with Andrew – Virtua Racing and Panzer Dragoon

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Prior entries in this series: Introduction | NiGHTS into Dreams

Another arbitrary amount of time, another entry in the ‘guy makes another guy play Saturn games’ series. This time we played a little of a promising shmupper (this term is useful as it pleases neither the ‘shump’ nor ‘shooter’ crowds), and a little more of two absolute classics by Sega.

Layering Attack Rays in Sections of Galactic Force

Should Galactic Attack have music? Does Attack Galac have a second stage? Why is there so much audible rattling under the hood of my minivan while I drive? Until these questions are answered satisfactorily, we decided to put aside Galactic Attacktic for a future date. In the meantime I will find a new bin/cue file and not speak to a mechanic. →  What can change the nature of a post?

Another Tragic Christmas

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The Christmas after I left my parents home for good I wrote out my list and mailed it to the North Pole, like I had every year. For the first time in my life, Santa Claus did not come. It took some time to make peace with this fact. While attending college I still went home for holidays and summers and Santa kept delivering. Apparently, once you graduate and fully move out of your parent’s home, Santa is made aware, likely via Christmas magic, and considers you an adult unqualified to receive gifts. I am mostly over this unpleasant reality, though it still stings a little. But what came next is simply wrong.

Since my child could speak, we have made a list of requested toys and sent it off to the NP. →  You fool. Don’t you understand? No one wishes to read on…

A Christmas Revelation

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Despite what the man wants you to believe, video games are fairly true to life. For example, people do drop money when you kill them, and while you have no literal meter filling up with points, you do gain experience that makes killing the next person easier. And, if Catharism is to be believed, and I can see no reason it shouldn’t, dying in real life simply results in respawning, much like in a game. This realism makes games a great tool for educating our children but there is the hidden danger that they learn unfactual things, or unlearn factual things from them. One of the widest spread misconceptions from video games, movies, and lithographs is the lie that skeletons can smile. →  Lame is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

videolamer to Add Air of Authenticity to Bluesky

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In a decisive, if not fatal blow to Elon Musk’s evil empire, videolamer.com has moved its significant online presence off of Twitter. Starting last week, videolamer can now only be found not posting anything on the Bluesky platform and are no longer not posting on Twitter. The 46 bots following us on the right wing cesspool will now need to find our official account in cyaner pastures.

Why move and why now, you demand to know. We are always quick to be the millionth in line to take a strong stand that requires very little sacrifice, especially when it sends a powerful signal about just what our values are. We considered moving for ages but Musk claimed to be a socialist 7 years ago so it seemed only fair to give him nearly a decade to prove he was perhaps exaggerating; it turns out he is a national socialist, which completely blindsided everyone who pays no attention to anything. →  We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we play.

Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes

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It’s hard to confine everything I felt as I played Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes to a single post. Or even to the written word. A mixture of relief, frustration, sadness, and joy in different measures and different times will have to do. It took me months to gather my thoughts enough to write about it and months more to refine it and each time I have revised I’ve felt a little different.

Here’s a little bit of history, since this is the backdrop for my experience with the Kickstarter. You may know the original writer behind Suikoden (Yoshitaka Murayama) left the video game industry for years. I heard he specifically wanted to limit his time at Konami and it was an amicable split. →  The Adventures of Cookie and Read

Thinking about the Master System library

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This post is unlikely to exist. If you’re reading it then it must, but just barely. I originally began writing about Saturn games that needed to be better than they were. That will still be written, I think. Then I decided I’d need to dig into the Genesis’ games to really figure out what happened between Sega’s most successful console and their first publically named planet console. But then it would be important to understand the Sega CD and even 32X. I still want to write about all these things 47 other people care about, all of them with strong opinions that contradict my own.

Moving back to the Master System seemed inevitable, but only after I decided I would write about it. →  And so it games…