Random Crap

(For context, see the introduction to this series here.)

We’ve all seen movies, read stories, and played games where if you die in the game you die in real life. But where are the games that if you die in real life you die in the game? Sure there are some games where if you stop playing an enemy may kill you or, if for some reason you play multiplayer games, another human. But it’s not really the same. I propose a game that detects a lack of player input and then sends pop up boxes in game every four minutes asking if you are still alive. If you take more than ten seconds to confirm your existence, you die in game. This ensures that dying in real life does in fact kill you in game. →  Ys: The Article of Napishtim

The early days of EGM (Electrical Gamers Magazine) were resplendent with ads from companies of ill repute, often advertising games that are remembered poorly if they are remembered at all. Perhaps ad buys were a few dollars because the magazine had just gotten started and had a readerbase as low as videolamer at its 2008 peak, or perhaps these companies were somehow flush from the bubble days of Famicom games selling well regardless of quality. I refuse to believe it could be both, so please do not consider it.

Our first ad is from a company called SETA. No, not SEGA, SERA. I mean SETA. This (SETA) Corporation developed the hits you know and love, like Magic Darts for NES and Strongest Habu Shogi on the GameCube. They did publish one or two interesting games, such as the following ad’s Musya. →  We have the best words.

In a recent post, I mentioned that EGM spent a good deal of time talking up obviously shitty games. Here is a short, mostly visual, follow up to that thesis. At least this first game made a great movie… to ridicule. But please don’t do that, I’ve copyrighted both ironic enjoyment and hipster condescension.

What a sweet follow up ad to the Hudson Hawk preview. The next preview is for a game I actually owned and played a lot of. It was bad but I was young so it was good. Street Smart had some mild RPG mechanics – if I recall, you gained a stat point or two after winning fights. Numbers (or, in this case, boxes) going up was and is human-nip for me.

Here is another Genesis game I played as a childish child. →  What can change the nature of a post?

Video game previews have always seemed primarily a marketing tool. I remember complaining about IGN previews in the aughts when the site, clearly a detached arm of publishers, would post sometimes a dozen preview articles on a big upcoming game. (Correction, I complained about a bunch of sites.)

Old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly had previews of games that range in tone from neutral to PR. The previews that read like marketing are interesting when contrasted with the constant bloviating the magazine did about being the only true, tell it like it is, in your face, no holds barred, Carlos-Mencia-style magazine on the market. If you’re over the age of 15 AND are not a fucking moron, you know that when people tell your their traits directly, they’re lying. The more EGM claimed to be objective, the more apparent their rave reviews of Bubsy were paid for. →  Lords of the Read 2

videolamer has belatedly learned of the tragic shooting of an important warrior for Christianity who dedicated his life to helping Americans show us their smile again. It is with heavy heart that we must waste many minutes crying for Kirk Cameron, who was tragically gunned down in Utah in September. Though his mission seems to be over, I can guarantee that we are nowhere near the end. There are millions dedicated to his teachings and I promise you that the best is ready to begin.

When I look round at the other proud patriots I realize that as long as we’ve got each other, we will one day be victorious. The Globalists may seem to be in charge but I remind you, as Kirk Cameron often did, that Jesus has the world spinning right in his hands. →  Assassin’s Read

Last post we brought you Cunzy and Chris’s’s comparisons of their 2005 versus 2025 tastes. Now, we bring you the Shaolin duo of Pat and Jay. Expect about 4,000% more discussion of Souls games and then be disappointed that somehow those games didn’t come up. Don’t you feel foolish? I do mention Shenmue, though.

Pat

In 2009 I began keeping a spreadsheet that tracks all the games I finish each year. Astute readers will note that 2009 happened after 2005, and conclude that I do not have a complete and accurate record of the games I played that year. My memory – I know where I lived at that time and can remember playing certain games there – and the internet provide some clues to what I was playing in or around 2005, and comparing what I think I was playing then to what I play today reveals more similarities than differences.  →  Monster Reader 4

Based on my math, 2005 was 20 years ago. I have used this pleasing round number as an excuse to write about the games I was playing then and compare them to what I play today. The other videolamer contributors were also asked for contributions and some even answered – see their exciting responses above mine, which will actually be posted in a Part 2, because I am nothing if not the most humble person on earth.

Cunzy

I often think about how, as a gamer* the best time to be born was late 70s-early 80s. We went from not having computers at home to early home systems, LCD handhelds, home consoles and handheld systems to all singing, all dancing entertainment and gaming monoliths under the TV. We filled in the pixel worlds with our imaginations to translate yellow squares into dragons, coins, cars and spaceships, blips and bloops into epic soundtracks all the way through to games-as-a-lifestyle, cinematic, limitless, endlessly playable, online, living multiverse games. →  Romance of the Three Articles IV: Post of Fire

I did not enjoy Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.  Playing it felt like a chore much of the time.  I was satisfied, though, when I finished it.  This juxtaposition made me think more about how I feel about games and gaming.

There are games that I enjoy playing and that make me feel satisfied when I finish them (most RPGs).  There are also games that I enjoy playing that leave me feeling unsatisfied when I finish them (Roguelites).  Many games are somewhere in the middle – for example, grand strategy games such as Europa Universalis IV or Civilization get me into a flowstate, and there is satisfaction in seeing a nation develop over the course of a 10-hour multi-session save.  All the same, completing that save (particularly in Civilization) feels empty.  →  There is only one really serious philosophical problem, and that is games.

Over the past decade or so, I’ve tried to play every SNES RPG I can find, even if I don’t beat them all. I played most of them at some point via rentals, and I have fond memories of many of them (even Lagoon). Over the years, I have built my collection to include as many as I can reasonably justify (ex: I might pick up Brain Lord, but I’m probably not getting Dragon View). Even the most mediocre of these games has had some redeeming quality, but I’m here today to tell you about one that really doesn’t. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Volume 1, which should probably have been named “Volume 1 of 1” in retrospect, really doesn’t have that much going for it.

 →  These are the games I know, I know. These are the games I know.