Random Crap

In a decisive, if not fatal blow to Elon Musk’s evil empire, videolamer.com has moved its significant online presence off of Twitter. Starting last week, videolamer can now only be found not posting anything on the Bluesky platform and are no longer not posting on Twitter. The 46 bots following us on the right wing cesspool will now need to find our official account in cyaner pastures.

Why move and why now, you demand to know. We are always quick to be the millionth in line to take a strong stand that requires very little sacrifice, especially when it sends a powerful signal about just what our values are. We considered moving for ages but Musk claimed to be a socialist 7 years ago so it seemed only fair to give him nearly a decade to prove he was perhaps exaggerating; it turns out he is a national socialist, which completely blindsided everyone who pays no attention to anything. →  Phoenix Write: Just Posts for All

The early days of EGM (Electrical Gamers Magazine) were resplendent with ads from companies of ill repute, often advertising games that are remembered poorly if they are remembered at all. Perhaps ad buys were a few dollars because the magazine had just gotten started and had a readerbase as low as videolamer at its 2008 peak, or perhaps these companies were somehow flush from the bubble days of Famicom games selling well regardless of quality. I refuse to believe it could be both, so please do not consider it.

Our first ad is from a company called SETA. No, not SEGA, SERA. I mean SETA. This (SETA) Corporation developed the hits you know and love, like Magic Darts for NES and Strongest Habu Shogi on the GameCube. →  Gotta get down on Friday.

In a recent post, I mentioned that EGM spent a good deal of time talking up obviously shitty games. Here is a short, mostly visual, follow up to that thesis. At least this first game made a great movie… to ridicule. But please don’t do that, I’ve copyrighted both ironic enjoyment and hipster condescension.

What a sweet follow up ad to the Hudson Hawk preview. The next preview is for a game I actually owned and played a lot of. It was bad but I was young so it was good. Street Smart had some mild RPG mechanics – if I recall, you gained a stat point or two after winning fights. Numbers (or, in this case, boxes) going up was and is human-nip for me. →  SNK Article Classics Vol. 1

Video game previews have always seemed primarily a marketing tool. I remember complaining about IGN previews in the aughts when the site, clearly a detached arm of publishers, would post sometimes a dozen preview articles on a big upcoming game. (Correction, I complained about a bunch of sites.)

Old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly had previews of games that range in tone from neutral to PR. The previews that read like marketing are interesting when contrasted with the constant bloviating the magazine did about being the only true, tell it like it is, in your face, no holds barred, Carlos-Mencia-style magazine on the market. If you’re over the age of 15 AND are not a fucking moron, you know that when people tell your their traits directly, they’re lying. →  Start your journey now, my Lord.

videolamer has belatedly learned of the tragic shooting of an important warrior for Christianity who dedicated his life to helping Americans show us their smile again. It is with heavy heart that we must waste many minutes crying for Kirk Cameron, who was tragically gunned down in Utah in September. Though his mission seems to be over, I can guarantee that we are nowhere near the end. There are millions dedicated to his teachings and I promise you that the best is ready to begin.

When I look round at the other proud patriots I realize that as long as we’ve got each other, we will one day be victorious. The Globalists may seem to be in charge but I remind you, as Kirk Cameron often did, that Jesus has the world spinning right in his hands. →  Game is dead. Game remains dead. And we have killed it.

Last post we brought you Cunzy and Chris’s’s comparisons of their 2005 versus 2025 tastes. Now, we bring you the Shaolin duo of Pat and Jay. Expect about 4,000% more discussion of Souls games and then be disappointed that somehow those games didn’t come up. Don’t you feel foolish? I do mention Shenmue, though.

Pat

In 2009 I began keeping a spreadsheet that tracks all the games I finish each year. Astute readers will note that 2009 happened after 2005, and conclude that I do not have a complete and accurate record of the games I played that year. My memory – I know where I lived at that time and can remember playing certain games there – and the internet provide some clues to what I was playing in or around 2005, and comparing what I think I was playing then to what I play today reveals more similarities than differences.  →  Sounds amazing, I must read it now!

Based on my math, 2005 was 20 years ago. I have used this pleasing round number as an excuse to write about the games I was playing then and compare them to what I play today. The other videolamer contributors were also asked for contributions and some even answered – see their exciting responses above mine, which will actually be posted in a Part 2, because I am nothing if not the most humble person on earth.

Cunzy

I often think about how, as a gamer* the best time to be born was late 70s-early 80s. We went from not having computers at home to early home systems, LCD handhelds, home consoles and handheld systems to all singing, all dancing entertainment and gaming monoliths under the TV. →  SaGa 3: Shadow or Write

I did not enjoy Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.  Playing it felt like a chore much of the time.  I was satisfied, though, when I finished it.  This juxtaposition made me think more about how I feel about games and gaming.

There are games that I enjoy playing and that make me feel satisfied when I finish them (most RPGs).  There are also games that I enjoy playing that leave me feeling unsatisfied when I finish them (Roguelites).  Many games are somewhere in the middle – for example, grand strategy games such as Europa Universalis IV or Civilization get me into a flowstate, and there is satisfaction in seeing a nation develop over the course of a 10-hour multi-session save.  →  SaGa 3: Shadow or Write

Over the past decade or so, I’ve tried to play every SNES RPG I can find, even if I don’t beat them all. I played most of them at some point via rentals, and I have fond memories of many of them (even Lagoon). Over the years, I have built my collection to include as many as I can reasonably justify (ex: I might pick up Brain Lord, but I’m probably not getting Dragon View). Even the most mediocre of these games has had some redeeming quality, but I’m here today to tell you about one that really doesn’t. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Volume 1, which should probably have been named “Volume 1 of 1” in retrospect, really doesn’t have that much going for it. →  [link only works on even seconds]

For those of you who are white collar workers, imagine the following scenario. It’s happened to me more than once in real life, and perhaps it’s happened to you too …

A new bit of jargon recently crept into your industry. For now, let’s just make up a word, like … “scropely.” 

Everyone starts to use it, slowly at first, but it quickly builds momentum. At first you think you understand what scropely means, but then a few people use it in a new and seemingly contradictory way. Now you’re back to square one.

At some point you’re in a large meeting. The new jargon is being tossed around freely – everyone is talking about how something is or isn’t scropely. →  Reading more, assemble!