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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.30.06

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Hot on Sony’s heels, Bill Gates has hired Xzibit to be the spokesrapper for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

MS copies Sony, says Sony
First of all, let me make it clear that I will never trust anyone named Kaz, Baz, or Waz. Chaz from Phantasy Star IV and Raz from Psychonauts are alright, though. Moving on, Kaz Hirai has told the Official PlayStation Magazine “Every time we go down a path, we look behind and [Microsoft is] right there – we just can’t shake these guys. I wish that they would come up with some strategies of their own, but they seem to be going down the path of everything we do.”

What is he talking about? I’m not sure; I guess I’ll have to buy the magazine to see if he actually gives a single example. →  NiGHTS into REaDS

11 Rules for making a successful gaming website

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This guide will enable you to climb to the top of the internets.

Successful gaming websites don’t make themselves. They are created by webmasters who follow sets of rules posted at other websites. To help you bring your site to the forefront of the internet, here is a list of what must be done.

1 – Make headlines more misleading
A rumor may only be a rumor, but why run the risk of losing hits by clearly marking it as so in a headline? The best aggregator sites understand that when someone clicks on a link to one of their articles and the story turns out to be different than they expected, the reader is thankful that the site has cleared up any misconceptions due to the inaccurate headline. →  Keep it warm.

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Lame Discussion: Immersion – Part 2

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Continued from yesterday’s part 1.

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Jay: Golden Jew, tell us more about your controversial theories on immersion.

Golden Jew: My view is, as with anything, there are many ways to skin a cat, and target a particular gamer… one thing I’ve been frustrated with and responded to before is the lack of good demographic analysis of gamers. And I think that’s because although gaming has been a huge industry for a long while, only when our generation started slamming the work force did it start getting respect and I think now the industry is struggling with ways to better design games and target the right audiences. So we end up with these semi esoteric questions– what is immersion– because designers think that answering that question with a silver bullet will mean big bucks and nothing, in any industry, (except for the fact sex sells) is that clear cut. →  Read or Alive 2: Hardcore

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Lame Discussion: Immersion – Part 1

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The Lamer staff instant messages their arguments to each other.

Welcome to the first Lame Discussion. We gathered half a dozen Lamer staff and had a rousing discussion on the concept of immersion in video games. Hopefully, we will be able to bring you discussions like these every few weeks. Because we are a bunch of nerds we had a blast analyzing one of video games more cerebral concepts and went on far too long. In the effort to keep the discussion’s points intact but keep you from falling asleep, I’ve added this long intro. Also, I edited the crap out of the actual discussion. You can bet your ass we said a ton of hilarious things you’ll never get to read. →  Screw Jesus, this article’s the real deal

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.23.06

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A CNN reporter grades the current generation of consoles
Apparently the tone he takes (he treats the systems like school kids) is supposed to be funny and/or clever. He gives the PS2 an A, the Xbox a B-, the Gamecube a D and the Gameboy Advance an A. The Xbox actually sold worse than the Cube worldwide, but since when do American journalists bother themselves with other countries?

This article reminds me of a feature in the newest EGM where they give grades to the future of each system. Somehow the Gamecube ends up with a lower grade than the Xbox despite the Xbox getting no new first party games and one or two 3rd party exclusives. The Cube gets the new Zelda, Super Paper Mario, a new Donkey Konga game, and from Namco the sequel to Baten Kaitos. →  Guitar Hero III: Legends of Read

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Best Game Ever – Suikoden

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Growing up I always played games, but only recently would I have ever thought of myself as a “gamer.” I had a Nintendo for several years, then a Genesis, but until Playstation (and High School) I played mostly NBA Jam, and whatever the rest of the kids from school/the neighborhood were playing. This included a lot of games I would now scorn, such as games licensed from movies. I always noticed Genesis games on the shelves that looked as though they might be interesting due to the dragons and medieval knights on the covers, but I was apparently unable to take the plunge at the time.

He’s a goner.

Come high school, I met a bunch of people different from myself (basically I hadn’t met anyone not Irish- or Italian-Catholic) who did different things (other than play baseball and basketball). →  Castle Readigami 2

The videolamer game

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Last night I took a 20 minute break from my busy work day and designed a videolamer video game. It’s going to star the lamer guy (look at the top of the page, that stunning svelte green man is the lamer guy) in a Zelda-esque adventure.

The plot is something along the lines of the lamer guy jumps out of a monitor, leaves your bedroom (YES, YOUR BEDROOM!) and ends up in a randomly thrown together fantasy world full with Porn Hell (you’ll have to wait and see). I really can’t reveal too much because I don’t know how many rival designers are reading (according to my stat counter, four people have been here in the last week, but I assume the hundreds of designers who visit don’t use cookies). →  I am become game, destroyer of words.

Chords and Kawaii: The State of the Music Genre – Part 2

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While the rest of the kids played DDR in gym, joey here was practicing chords and meeting groupies.

And now, I present The State of the Music Genre

1. Passing the Torch

Let’s take a quick look at what makes a game like Guitar Hero click. Rather than dancing on a pad, you imitate playing a guitar by pounding down on different buttons and keys on a plastic replica of a Gibson SG. There are chords, sustained notes, and a whammy bar for adding your own bit of personal flair. In order for the song to actually play, the player must correctly perform the notes, or else face failure. Particularly good play can net you Star Power, a technique that allows you to increase your score. →  Now bear my arctic post.

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.16.06

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Round 1: Uwe versus Alien!

Uwe Boll challenges his critics to a boxing match
The sad thing is my borough president challenged his competitor to a boxing match so whatever I say about Boll directly applies to someone with much more power. Actually, that’s not true. Guy Molinari may be as stupid as Boll and may think that punching people makes you smarter, more capable of governing, or more capable of directing than your opponent, but Molinari is not responsible for the Alone in the Dark movie. Uwe Boll is, and should be beaten up for it.


Blizzard denies working on MMO versions of Starcraft and Diablo
This means nothing other than Blizzard won’t officially say they’re working on these titles now. →  [send private information]

The greatest video game mascot hands down in the history of the universe

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Who is the best video game mascot? Mario some would answer, but they’d be stupid and wrong. Mario is overweight, and obesity is a large problem in America. If you enjoy Mario’s plump antics, you obviously don’t enjoy America or freedom.

Sonic is another obvious choice, but he is bright blue and for children. Have you ever seen his cartoon show? Not the over serious ABC piece of crap, but the one with terrible drawings and life lessons at the end of each episode. While it’s respectable that his ultimate goal is to beat up a fat guy, he saves too many animals and cares too much about the planet on his journey. Sonic is a good choice for a six year old vegan, but not men like us. →  We have the best words.