posts by jay
jay

Goat of War

by

In a shockingly candid interview with videolamer, Phil Harrison has granted us some insight into the often confusing world of Sony PR. The recent goat incident, in which a decapitated goat was refitted with the head of a Bigfoot costume, is just a spark in the upcoming storm of marketing blitz Sony will be unleashing this summer, says Harrison.

“The next God of War installment is coming soon, and we have ads that will make the white PSP advert look tame.”

In addition to unrolling a host of new printed ads, including an image of Kratos circumcising Zeus, Harrison promises Sony events to further get us in the warring mood.

“The standard headless goat stunt we used for God of War 2 simply won’t impress any longer. →  All you need is read.

In the rain or in the snow

by

The decade old Parappa the Rapper, which heralded the start of the rhythm game genre according to some accounts, will be ported to the PSP this July. This is good news for PSP owners because the beats are fly, the rhymes fresh, and the gameplay ill.

The downside is it’s still just a port, not a sequel. Particularly clever netizens have noticed the trend of publishers porting their old titles to the PSP and reworked the spelling of the handheld — Playstation PORTable. Get it? When you capitalize certain letters and not others, hilarity ensues.

After researching the catalogues of the PSP and the DS I’ve come to the conclusion that the DS has a decent number of ports on it as well (which reminds me, I want Theme Park). →  Ask not for whom the game plays, it plays for thee.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.27.07

by

Ken Kuraragi finally falls on his sword
I have called for Ken’s resignation many times, but like a president bombarded by calls to fire a cronie, end a war, step down, or learn to read Kutaragi has ignored me entirely. That is until yesterday. Ken has finally listened to my sharp criticism and based a life altering decision on it…or has he?

“And God said unto me, ‘Make thy console large, make it powerful, but above all else hold unto this truth: Make thy console expensive.'”

The Japanese, unlike Americans, have a thing they like to call sushi. This raw fish (California rolls don’t count, hippy) is symbolic of another concept we Americans lack – honor. For you see, in ancient Japan the sushi roller guy was thought to be the embodiment of the fisherman’s god, Zeus. →  Assassin’s Read

Hotel rooms have an inordinate number of games

by

I’m currently on a business trip selling whatever it is I sell. Last night, after billing every available adult film to my company, I found myself browsing the video game selection of the hotel TV system. Check out their GameCube collection:

Mario Kart
TMNT
SM Strikers
Mario Tennis
Mario Party 7
Backyard Baseball 07
Rogue Squadron 3
1080 Avalanche
Twilight Princess
Battalion Wars
Super Mario Sunshine
Tomb Raider
Mario Golf
Kirby Air Ride
Pokemon XD
Urbz
Animal Crossing
Rogue Squadron 2
Pokemon Colosseum
Mario Party 6
Ocarina of Time
Mario Party 5
Wave Racer
Luigi’s Mansion
Paper Mario 2
Metroid Prime 2
Pokemon Channel
Wario World
Custom Robo
Wario Ware Inc
Chibi-Robo
Wind Waker
Starfox Assault
Geist

The first thing that struck me was how their collection is better than mine. →  Postgaea 2: Cursed Memories

Xbox 360 loses a few exclusives / PS3 gains Chopin

by

Namco’s Chopin themed RPG Trusty Bell and SCi’s almost biblical Kain & Lynch, both once 360 exclusives, are now coming to the PS3 as well. Sony naysayers (me) are now faced with acknowledging neither console is safe from losing exclusive titles. Third party publishers seem unsatisfied with their platform choices. The 360 failed to dominate the market during its year lead and is currently being outsold by the GBA in Japan and the PS3 is catching on slower than most anticipated, likely due to it being positioned as a meal at a fine restaurant in the back of a Mercedes that is for everyone. Publishers could go to Nintendo, but then their triple A games look like shit and are stuck on one platform, whereas a game developed on either of the other two could be easily ported. →  [send private information]

Virtual Console offers more obscure titles

by

Today, a few low profile games were released on Nintendo’s Virtual Console (Gradius III, Wonder Boy in Monster World, Battle Lode Runner). Many gamers’ reaction was, “This sucks, when is Nintendo giving us Super Metroid and Super Mario RPG?” or the other side of that coin, “Ha ha, enjoy your crappy VC games losers. I’m glad I don’t have a Wii.” It’s an alarming situation but provides insight into the minds of many gamers.

Square Enix recently announced it would be remaking every game they’ve ever thought about making. Many of us wondered why consumers will no doubt validate this developer’s decision to not develop games. This desire to play and replay the same game isn’t limited to Squeenix fans, though. →  Let’s get read-y.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.20.07

by

Sony’s Q2 release schedule
Between the PS3 and Wii’s upcoming releases, I wish I had a 360. Though some (Matt) would disagree, it looks like adopting a next gen system early is a bad move. After Paper Mario there’s nothing I want to play on the Wii, at least nothing at the current going rates of titles. Maybe I’d pick up Metal Slug for $30, Excite Truck for $25 and only ask to be paid $20 to take Wii Play.

At least my stupid investment only cost $250 and there are plenty of good Virtual Console games to play. If you’re one of the few rich people with a PS3, look on the bright side — you’ll be able to download Joust soon. →  Beyond Read & Evil

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.13.07

by

Bethesda buys Fallout IP
Anyone who thinks a series can change developers and still be the same series is encouraged to pay me to write the fourth Lord of the Rings book.

Cheap PS3 discontinued
No more 20 gig harddrive PS3. This makes some sort of sense because Sony loses more on each of the 20 gig sold than on the 60 gig. But it also doesn’t make other kinds of sense. Specifically, the “release two models for absolutely no reason,” and “eliminate the cheaper model because the console is too expensive in the first place” kinds of sense.

To make matters more hilarious, Sony is considering releasing a third model of the PS3. Some magical hardware that could play PS3 games (which are on Blu Ray) but not come with a Blu Ray player was what I was hoping for, despite the obvious impossibility. →  Rule of Read

Joe Scarborough even more of an asshole than original tests indicate

by

He has the honor of being the first person I’ve heard mention video games in regards to the Virginia tech shooting. Looks like Joe has found the culprit. Joe closed this case tonight on his daily crime against humanity called Scarborough Country.

Seriously though, it was only a matter of time before someone hinted that games may be partly to blame and for all I know, he isn’t the first to do so today. Funny what things are ripe for picking as causes. If someone crazy is Islam, likes game or listens to metal, it’s those things fault. If they are ex-Marines or extreme conservatives waging war against secular America, they are portrayed as just nuts.

How can Joe, knowing nothing about the killer, bring up video game violence? →  Reading. Reading never changes.

Shenmue 3 would rock your Wii

by

Shenmue failed for a number of reasons. I’d argue it was too awesome for normal people, but others insist it was slow-going, chock full of stupid “That day it rained…” plot, and ultimately boring. The Shenmue games also cost huge amounts of money to develop – many reports approximated a cost of $20 million (Wikipedia simultaneously claims $20 and $70 million) and the first game in the series was supposedly entered into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most expensive game that had been yet been produced.

Sega would presumably allow development of Shenmue 3 if it weren’t such a huge risk. A costly game that sells poorly is never an attractive prospect to accountants. Deciding the MMO format may make them a profit, Sega has dashed hopes of Shenmue 3. →  Read Band 2