Review – Wario Ware, Inc.

Wario Ware, Inc.
Developed by Nintendo and Intelligent Systems
Published by Nintendo
Released 10.17.03

Jump rope game
The Daddy Mac will make you…

Nintendo gets a bad rap (from normal people, not losers like me). They practically invented the platform game, brought video games back after the crash of the early 80’s, showed us how a 3D platformer should look, perfected the action RPG, pioneered handheld gaming and released a headset game system after even Sega pulled the plug on their Virtual (or should I say Virtua) Reality system (although not doing what Sega does is generally good business practice). Well add another accomplishment to Nintendo’s long list, because Wario Ware Inc is incredibly different.

Most games made up of minigames are crappy, but if the games are good enough then the game as a whole can be excellent, like Pirates! →  Read the rest

Testers Wanted

Where'd the grass go?
I assure you the whole play field should not be black.

I have seen very little sunlight over the past few days because of a game called Civilization 4. It’s still unclear whether it is an improvement for the series or if it beats the almighty Alpha Centuari, but it is damned good fun and super addictive. Because I NEED to keep playing, its technical flaws really get under my skin. I’m not talking about lacking textures, low polygon counts or jagged edges. The Play disc being mislabeled is just a hint of the upcoming misery that many gamers have suffered through to get their Civ fix.

My computer is above the minimum requirements, yet there is still a massive slowdown with the graphics set to the lowest level. Sometimes the game stalls for a solid 2 or 3 minutes. →  Read the rest

Working Designs meets their Designer

"First of all, sorry for being incommunicado for such a long time. It’s been a busy time, as you’ll see.

There’s no easy way to say it, so I just will. Working Designs is gone. All the staff has been laid off and the office is closed and has been for some time. Yes, the website is still here, and I am going to do my best to keep it tucked away somewhere on the ‘net so it doesn’t become an illicit domain. (Of course, some of the haters may be of the mind that it’s been illicit all along, heh!).

The most frustrating part of all of this is that I know that our fanbase is still there. Growlanser Generations sold well, but of course not better than it would have sold as two separate titles. →  Read the rest

Review – Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones

Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones
Developed by Intelligent Systems
Published by Nintendo
Released 5.23.05

Eirika

Extra vowels make common names mysterious and fanciful.

As a kid fighting in the trenches during the Sega vs. Nintendo War, Shining Force was a potent weapon for the Sega legions. The only possible counter attack was mention Nintendo’s Fire Emblem, Japan’s first console strategy RPG. How I hated this series that I had never even seen. I took solace in knowing that only the most obsessed gamers knew of its existence; I did my best to block the name Fire Emblem from my mind.

Thank god that war is over. Having embraced all that video games have to offer, I can now play and love quality titles from all developers. Fire Emblem managed to come out with six entries before one was localized for the U.S. →  Read the rest

Media Station 363

XBox360 back
There seem to be about 250 ports on the back of this thing!

It’s said that Americans want everything in a single package. We want a machine that chops, dices, blends, cooks, roasts, minces, and purees. We want a lawn tool that cuts, mows, prunes, digs, weeds, and buries bodies. The Japanese, however, supposedly want specific devices for each thing. They would rather own more things, each doing what they are designed for very well. I agree with the Japanese; I do not want a cell phone that takes pictures. I want a cell phone that has a long battery life, gets great reception and has clear sound. I do not want a dolly that is also a hand truck, a step ladder land a flatbed cart. Actually, I probably don’t really want any dolly. →  Read the rest

Tech Guinea

Blu Ray pic
It sure is blu.

You have likely heard of the two technologies fighting for space in our computer drives and movie players: HD DVD and Blu Ray. Toshiba is the driving force of the former and Sony and Panasonic the defenders of the latter. The HD DVD is cheaper to produce and may be more easily compatible with todays technology but the Blu Ray holds more and is the better technology. But this isn’t a tech article, that would be too useful. If you want to read more about the technology read something like this.

Both formats have a large number of companies behind them. Big movie corporations are on both sides, Apple and Dell are backing the Blu Ray and now Microsoft and Intel have come out in favor of the HD DVD. →  Read the rest

Review – Ys 6: Ark of Napishtim

Ys 6: The Ark of Napishtim
Developed by Falcom Corporation
Published by Konami
Released 2.22.05

Big sprites talking
Character sprites displayed during key dialog are big and well done.

I lie somewhere between the average gamer, blissfully ignorant of the Ys (said to be pronounced “ease,” but I’ve been saying it “eyes” since I was 7 and I’ll be damned if I’m going to change my life for something as small as the truth) series of games and the ubercore, those who have played every Ys, including both versions of 4. You see, I know enough to know there were two Ys 4s, and I know that this game I’m supposed to be reviewing here, The Ark of Napishtim, is really Ys VI. I managed to play Ys on the Master System when I was a wee lad and then Ys 3 on my Genesis when I was a little older and many are the hours I’ve spent on eBay, contemplating a purchase of a Turbo Duo just so I might play Ys Book 2. →  Read the rest

What are your gaming politics?

Pat Buchanan
Only plays Wisdom Tree titles.

Video games are a lot like politics. There are gamers who cry every time someone makes money, those who wouldn’t mind if Electronic Arts bought their children and then some people in the middle. I’ve compiled a list of what I identify as the most common types of gamers and listed their beliefs as seen through a political eye, but keep in mind I am biased by my own beliefs, both political and… gamitical. Call everyone into the room to find out what each other are. It’s fun for the whole family. Sorry, Nazi Gamer isn’t on the list, dad.

The big two – Most gamers, and decent Americans, fit into one of these two categories.

Liberal Gamer: The possible upcoming game price increase is unnecessary and will only lead to more piracy. →  Read the rest

Shortcomings of the Emerging Plot

Will Wright
Will Wright bores an audience at the Game Developers Conference.

We have probably all heard the complaint that a game felt like a movie instead of a video game. Echoing this sentiment, a handful of successful developers (Will Wright, for example) has criticized traditional linear story telling in games. Randy Smith, in an interview in “Game Creation and Careers,” describes the difference between embedded narrative and emergent narrative. In the first Thief game, for example, Looking Glass wrote an overarching plot that was presented to the player by cut scenes. This immutable narrative is the embedded part of the story. The emergent narrative is the low level plot, the specifics of what happens throughout each individual mission. By presenting the player with game mechanics that allow him to overcome challenges in multiple ways, Smith argues he is allowing the player to, on some level, write his own story. →  Read the rest

Micro Madness

GB Micro
Exact size.

The Game Boy Micro is stupid and anyone who denies it is a biased fanboy (as opposed to the more objective fanboy) or a Nintendo employee. The first problem a consumer will notice is the systems price. A hundred bucks for something you probably already have a different version of?

The next obvious problem is the tiny screen. I already have trouble playing action games on my GBA-SP because the screen isn’t very big. The tiny screen is a part of the overall tiny system. This is the major selling point but it’s also one of the best reasons not to buy one. The GBA-SP already hurts my hands. If the SP is designed for Japanese fingers then the Micro is design for Japanese ants’ fingers.

Then there is the competition. →  Read the rest

UAT ads must die

For the last few months, Game Developer magazine has included ads for the University of Advancing Technology among its otherwise respectable pages. The UAT is an accredited school that offers degrees in game design and other audio/visual fields. The University of Advancing Technology also has the worst advertising I’ve seen in a long time. Their ads appear to be directly aimed towards stupid people, which is a problem because they are advertising courses in game development and we don’t want any more stupid developers making games.

The first example of their atrocious campaign says this –

“Without guys like me, you’d still be playing Pong.”

The quote is attributed to some undergraduate but is probably made up (which actually makes it a lie since it has quotes around it.) This isn’t why it sucks, though. →  Read the rest

Bad Design 1

This column looks at design flaws in popular games. Nearly all of the examples of poor design are from games that are either good or great, so don’t assume we are picking on these games solely because they suck and it’s fun to make fun of crap. Perhaps it is the games’ quality that makes identifying one specific design flaw so easy. The flaws are also not unique the only these games; hopefully each specific game we examine will hold a flaw that is common in many other games, some sort of universal design flaw. This will ultimately make the column much more valuable than if it were just a place to piss on a game for a specific and unique quirk.

Tell me, how is it I know English?

That being said, welcome to the first installment of this potentially never ending series. →  Read the rest

Review – Castle Shikigami 2

Castle Shikigami 2
Developed by Alfa Systems
Published by XS Games
Released 11.12.04


The shooter, it is said, is a dying genre. Debatabley the first video game created, Spacewar, was a one on one shooter, so it is also a proud and essential genre. News of its demise has not fallen upon hardcore gamers’ ears lightly. The shooter is an odd genre in some respects. Many critics of current games complain that games are too long, too involved, and too complex. To reach a bigger audience, games should be shorter and simpler. The shooter tends to be both shallow and quickly completed, yet it is not embraced by the general populace. Is this because they are far too hard for the average person or because companies refuse to publish and advertise this type of game?
 →  Read the rest

Dear EA

Dear Electronic Arts,

On June 28th, Frank Gibeau told Next Generation, “It’s really hard to think of new ideas.” Perhaps it’s only because I’m a genius, but I come up with new ideas all the time. I have enclosed two new game concepts for your consideration. A resume is not included because these designs speak for themselves.

Library Simulator – Build the library of your dreams. Decide the layout, build improvements, and take down unused wings. Hire staff to keep peace, shelve books, and keep the patrons quiet. Choose amongst dozens of librarians, each with their own special talents and interests. Develop the collection to best suit your demographic, or attempt to move the library in a new direction and capture more demographics. By preventing your library from dipping into the red and keeping your patrons happy you can keep it open indefinitely, which is good because you’ll want to see all of the new technologies that will eventually become available to your library, assuming you fund the research. →  Read the rest

Concerned Citizen

Grand Theft Auto 3 has come under a lot of heat because of the Hot Coffee mod, which allows the player to have polygonal sex with his video game girlfriend. GameStop, crusader for freedom Jack Thompson, and Hillary Clinton are among those who have lined up against Rock Star for making such an immoral product. Murdering prostitutes is questionable behavior, but having sexual intercourse is just ethically wrong so I, too, decided to share my discontent… but in the most positive way possible, by thanking those retailers who pulled the game from their shelf. Enjoy.

Wal-Mart team photo
What Would Wal-Mart Do?

Thank you for being a family friendly store. Capitalism will never work if we just allow people to buy whatever they want. We need more huge corporations to stand up to products Jesus wouldn’t like and say, “No. →  Read the rest

Oh Joy, a new video game site

This is a brand new style for a web site. We are totally extreme, to the maxx and in your face. And sarcastic, I bet you’ve never seen a website that uses sarcasm. Well this one does. Get over it.

My God, that man is sitting on an enormous gun!

Since there are about 600 trillion websites already dedicated to reviewing video games, we knew we had to come up with a good angle. First, we thought we’d go with the “we have no angle” angle. Seinfeld did it so why can’t we? Seinfeld also had extremely talented writers, we do not. So then we thought “if we are just true to ourselves and the games, our humanity will shine through.” But the idea that the writers on bigger, richer sites are writing something that’s false to themselves or creating a personality to sell the site is sort of offensive. →  Read the rest