Review hegemony

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Gamers expect very specific review scores for certain games. When Twilight Princess got an 8.6 the internet almost self destructed. Recently, Ratchet and Clank got a 7.5. People are in an uproar over a game they have never played. It’s a triple A title and deserves a triple A score seems to be the prevailing wisdom.

There are a few ways to look at this phenomenon. The first and plainly stupid view is that reviewers are doing their job poorly or are biased. I believe money has changed hands for good reviews but have a tough time swallowing that Microsoft payed for R&C to get a low score. The next and significantly more rational perspective is that the people complaining are actually in the minority. These people are also 14 year old fanboys with a first grade understanding of the English language.

While the second angle is likely correct, the third view, and my view, is that game reviewers themselves are to blame for this sort of uproar. →  Disaster Readport

Review – Portal

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Portal is a fantastic little game that really compliments Valve’s Orange Box compilation. If it were just a Half-Life collection with Team Fortress thrown in (as it pretty much always was with the PC versions of the franchise) then the Orange Box would still be a steal at $60, but Portal adds some great new game play and some interesting story elements to the Half-Life universe. The only problem I have with the game is that it’s too short, which isn’t the worst problem you could have.

Starting with a tech demo called Narbacular Drop, the student developers at DigiPen caught the attention of the Valve team and it’s easy to see why. I haven’t played an FPS or adventure game in a long time that had me scratching my head like some of the puzzles Portal throws at you. Giving your player the ability to alter almost every surface of a level seems like a programming nightmare, but they pulled it off and it’s a blast to play. →  Genghis Khan II: Clan of the Gray Post

Nintendo – update your stupid console

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I have curly red hair. Why does Nintendo hate me? How difficult would it be for them to add some new hair colors and styles to the Mii options? Their lack of effort is either indicative of laziness or deep seated hatred for non-Japanese people and frankly, either of those is culturally insensitive (particularly the latter) and pisses me off.

Also, stop allowing for such asinine polls. Neither black cats nor ladders have control over human affairs and anyone who says otherwise is an inbred peasant, or perhaps retarded Japanese farmer (just trying to even the score here). Though it may stretch the very boundaries of what human beings are capable of, please give us polls with three or dare I say four possible answers. This way you can continue asking questions like “Which day is longer, Tuesday or Thursday?” and I will have the third option of “The 12 year old who suggested this question is stupid,” or “It depends on the equinox so I’d need to know the calendar dates.” →  Videolamer does what IGNotDoes.

The Sony Guide to Committing Game Console Suicide

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Step 1: Create A Technologically Difficult Console. Decide that games don’t really matter and it is console specs that sell new gaming consoles. Create a partnership with IBM that introduces a very fast processor into your new gaming machine. Since games don’t sell systems, it is no big deal that this new bleeding edge CPU is very difficult to design titles around and port titles to. After dealing with the new CPU you decide to throw in your newest form of optical drive that shoots the concept of a decently priced system all to hell.

On top of that, you force yet another media standard on to consumers, something you are already notorious for. Lastly, you decide that the internet is a fad and that people don’t really like Microsoft Live so you figure that there is no need to include anything remotely close with the new console or your business operation.

Step 2: Ostracize and belittle your fan base right before you launch your new flagship product. →  Reading. Reading never changes.

Newest Nolan Bushnell quote: relevant or Old Fogey talk?

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Nolan Bushnell, the man that essentially created the video game industry (which automatically makes him my lord and savior) had some harsh words to say about the current state of video gaming in an interview with Electronic Design.

“Video games today are a race to the bottom. They are pure, unadulterated trash and I’m sad for that,” says Bushnell.

Now, let’s forget that this man single-handedly destroyed the video game industry right after he created it with a plethora of sub-par Atari games. I mean, there’s a dump solely dedicated to letting E.T. cartridges get the much-needed suntan that they deserve.

And let’s forget the fact that Bushnell has been out of the video game business ever since he created Chuck E. Cheese, a restaurant that just screams “pedophile hangout”. Let’s just forget about all that, in an attempt to understand what he truly means.

A lot of websites are basically painting this quote as saying the quality of most games made today are complete shit. →  Sly 3: Honor Among Reads

PS1 games you may have missed: More RPGs edition

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In my last entry I took a break from mentioning RPGs. Since, however, RPGs are my favorite genre, you’re just going to have to live with a few more of them now.

Before we begin, I would like to briefly mention the first two games of both the Suikoden and Wild ARMs series. I have discussed them in more detail elsewhere, but all four are great games.

Lunar & Lunar 2: Originally released on Sega CD, these classic games were once again translated by Working Designs. Therein lies a lot of the appeal of the Lunars: Not only do you get a solid battle system, you also get a fun-filled localization. The voice acting leaves something to be desired, and the translation isn’t always true to the original, but the Lunars were the first games where I enjoyed simply running around talking to people in towns.

The plot is solid, if cliched (possibly because Lunar was a cliche-starter), and overall it’s a great time. →  In the beginning games created the heavens and the earth.

When Dwarves And Sailors Unite As One

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The other day while traipsing about the internet, I stumbled upon a trailer for Atari’s upcoming game, The Witcher. Having not heard of this game before and having always wanted to yell, “She’s a witch!! Burn her!” and then be able to light said witch aflame, I decided to watch the video. What followed was a long and drawn out tour of this medieval looking city being conducted by some white-haired guy that needs to eat a sandwich and stop talking like Max Payne. Still, I had nothing better to do so I continued to watch the trailer. That is when it happened.

My leather-clad tour guide dropped the “F-bomb” as he casually meandered through the scene.

At first, I didn’t think much of it. The “F-word” so what? I have heard it millions of times in movies, music, and my daily life, so why should it bother me now? Lord knows, I have said it a few times myself and have found the experience to be somewhat pleasurable when the word is used at the precise moment and in the proper context of events. →  Guitar Hero III: Legends of Read

NPD Schadenfreude

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I’m a small, petty man, but maybe you are small and petty, too. If so, you may enjoy these comedic comments from a popular PS3 forum. The context is the following – Halo 3 sold 3.3 million copies in less than two weeks, MS sold 527k 360s, Nintendo 501k Wiis, and Sony 117k PS3s.

“this is just an example of what the media can do to a console. ps3 was just released in the wrong world.”

“And why would any one expect Heavenly Sword to see better then it did it has no advertisement at all and there are only 6 million ps3s out as of now so if you compare that to halo selling 3.3 million of 360 with 10 million units old then its allot closer then it looks.”

“PS3 isn’t going anywhere cause Sony will support it forever.”

“Stayed above 120k during “Halo season”? Where exactly is the doom and gloom coming from?”

“‘it sold 10,000 less in this five week month than in the previous four week month.’ →  Article Kombat

Review – Halo 3 multiplayer

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Don’s review of the Halo campaign mode made a lot of points about the difference between PC and console FPS. Namely, one is for those who are strong like the Ukraine, while the other is for metrosexuals and males who have yet to have their balls drop. Such strong words despite a fair review. With the task of reviewing Halo 3 multiplayer upon me, I looked at it as a challenge. You see, I was once part of that cult as well; the masochistic, PC hardware and shooter junkies were once the tribe I called my own. But I left them a long time ago, and Halo 3 multiplayer is the best proof yet as to why I did.

Let us begin with a story. Once upon a time, I was addicted to Unreal Tournament 2004. I thought it was the best you could get, that no shooter could be this robust, this complete. This was because in many ways, it was true. →  Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Authors, Nine Articles