It has recently come to my attention that a number of videolamer staff are trying to unionize. I am posting this open letter response here because I do not have all you greedy, backstabbing assholes’ email addresses. And because I care.
lame Team,
We write during this extraordinary time for our company, our site, our writers and our country to tell you we want you to love coming to work every day. We’re making progress and we will not stop trying to do our best for you. We love you.
Also, we want to share our thoughts related to the current barrage of union activity that has been directed at videolamer and other “non-union” websites during this difficult time we call the 21st century. A host of union campaigns have been launched that seek to capitalize on the current and perpetual unstable environment in America – one in which misinformation and fear are spreading unchecked in the media. Overall, it does not matter to these union advocates if their “allegations” are “true” or “not.” They clearly believe now is a moment when they can create some sort of wedge in our company through which they can drive the enormous, pre-existing discontent, by claiming only joining their union will protect the pay and benefits you currently do not enjoy.
We have been told by our spies that the union has made a lot of promises, but please remember that no one can guarantee what may happen in negotiation. Despite loving you and never stopping always trying to do our best for you, we will immediately cut your wages and benefits if a negotiation allows us to do so. Ask questions and do your own research. Please do what is best for YOU because thinking about anything larger than yourself is un-American unless that thing is Jesus or the country or the economy. Remember – unions are a big business, which is bad unless it is a big business you already work for, unless that business is a union.
We are asking you not to rush into this and give us more time to replace you with AI. We’re making great progress and would like more time to make this the full videolamer experience for you. We don’t want to put a third party between us and we don’t want you to pay dues to have union officials speak for you to us. We can ignore you perfectly well in one on one, direct communication.
Thank you for your partnership, meaning labor because you are not an actual partner in the business, and patience, and for all you do. We are here and available to you if you want to connect or have any questions. Finally, we are convinced that any writer who critically considers the question will conclude that being a writer at videolamer beats being a “member” of a union. Unless it’s the police union, those guys are fucking awesome.
Sincerely,
friendly executive with guidance from Allyson, Deanna, , and Dan