Reviews

Review – Morning’s Wrath

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Hey, where’s the doll I put my equipment on? What kind of second rate Diablo clone is this?

Morning’s Wrath is an RGP put out by Ethereal Darkness Interactive, a tiny independent game studio, which I am willing to bet is less of a company and more of a dedicated group of friends who collectively thought, “What the hell, lets do it” and made a videogame. Let me make it clear off the bat; making a video game is HARD. Anyone who has managed to do it deserves a tremendous amount of respect, especially when they don’t have the resources like other mega-gaming studios have. Even if they have the resources, making a good video is still hard, as EA demonstrates every single day.

After that all too easy dig against EA, I have to say this: Morning’s Wrath is just another mediocre videogame that should have come out a couple of years ago. It’s not particularly bad, but the whole thing just seems played out. →  We have nothing to lose but our games.

Review – Disaster Report

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Developed by Irem
Published by Agetec Inc.
Released 2.15.03

car falling off bridge

I hope he has collision insurance.

Disaster Report begins by introducing your setting: a completely manmade island with a newspaper that needed a reporter. While crossing a bridge from the airport to the city en route to filling that role, the main character, Keith, suffers a major setback in the form of an earthquake, the aftershocks of which continue throughout the game. A helicopter sees you, but is not able to rescue you and instead drops some provisions (this is a recurring theme). If Disaster Report were a movie, we would probably consider this premise clichéd, and dismiss it. It is a very fresh idea for a game however, and is therefore intriguing.

There are some very ambitious aspects to the game. The most obvious is that the tremors that occur during gameplay affect the environment of the game. Exits are closed off, new paths are opened, and detritus creates or destroys bridges. →  Actraiser Readnaissance

Review – Wipeout Pure

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Wipeout Pure
Developed by SCEE
Published by SCEE
Released 3.16.05

Wipeout Pure is one of my first PSP games. I must say, not being totally into racing games (I’m more of a RPG person), I found this game to be pretty exciting and entertaining for my daily commute to work. From the get-go, you have a choice of ten or so “spacecrafts” to choose from. I put spacecrafts in quotation because they look more like pen caps and paper clips then anything that resembles what people typically think a futurist spaceship will look like.

It’s like someone updated F Zero and didn’t call it F Zero GX.

The graphics for this game are excellent, but I use that term loosely because, honestly, I have no idea what is considered “good” graphics or “bad” graphics. To me, as long as the game quality doesn’t resemble my all-time, circa Windows 95, favorites Doom or Castle Wolfenstein, it is “good” graphics to me. Basically, anything that is not pixilated could be considered “good” quality in my book. →  When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called a game.

Review – Megaman Powered Up

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Megaman Powered Up
Developed by Capcom
Published by Capcom
Released 3.14.06
Here, Megaman faces off against Cutman, who would later go on to challenge a variety of social norms by becoming the first gay hairdresser robot.

I often wonder whether games have gotten easier over time, or if I’ve just gotten better. This weekend I picked up Megaman: Powered Up, Capcom’s PSP remake of the original Megaman, and I can now definitively answer this question: old-school games were, and still are, hard as fuck. Still, a potent combination of 1337 gaming skills, perseverance, and far too much free time on my hands allowed me to conquer (at least a significant portion of) the game and bring you this delectable review!

For those who didn’t catch the Blue Bomber’s debut back on the NES, the game takes place sometime in the year 20XX, which I guess is a really long time from now because we still just use numbers for our years. →  Now you’re reading with power.

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Review – Super Princess Peach

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Super Princess Peach
Developed by Nintendo
Published by Nintendo
Released 2.27.06

Waaa

“Why can’t I have more than one line of dialogue in my own game? Hey look a vine… neato!”

I have to admit I wasn’t too excited when I first heard about this game. I mean, of all the characters in the Mario universe I’d want to have there own game, Princess Peach wasn’t at the top of my list. My girlfriend, on the other hand, bought it the day the game came out and I haven’t given it back to her since. This game is seriously addictive.

The story starts with Mario, Luigi and Toad being taken prisoner by Bowser’s hench-turtles using their newfound Vibe Wand. The wand’s vaguely-explained powers are related to emotions, and allows the normally bumbling koopas to take down an entire castle of Toads and subdue our usual heroes. Someone does something stupid, the wand breaks, and the emotions of all the creatures on Vibe Island are thrown out of whack. →  There is only one really serious philosophical problem, and that is games.

Flash game review bonanza 2

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Continued from yesterday’s Part 1

Gogo Happy & Smile

Author: HAPPYandSMILE
Genre: Beatemup


Justice has taken on many forms throughout history, but never one so fierce, or furry, as in Happy & Smile.

Synopsis: This game is an unabashed rip-off of Alien Hominid, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You can play as either Happy or Smile, a cat and rabbit who fight a group of evil bears that drop lots of cash money. For those unfamiliar with Alien Hominid, Happy & Smile plays as a side scroller/beat-em up, pitting you against an unending onslaught of foes as you move across the city.

Style (9/10): The game is wonderfully themed, the art and orchestral music coming together to make the game seem like an old school gangster movie (albeit one about cats, rabbits and bears). Character animations are detailed, fluid, and possess a nice amount of variation.

Substance (7/10): My main issue with this game, much like with the original Alien Hominid, is that it is difficult to the point of wanting to jab the nearest sharp object into your brain. →  I’m so excited, my braces are tingling!

Flash game review bonanza 1

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There are a lot of flash games on the internet, and most of them suck harder than a hooker on Christmas. So, in order to avoid having to write six angst-riddled reviews of six horrible games, as well as give the set of games I review some feeling of cohesiveness, I’ve decided to provide reviews for the top six rated games at the infamous flash portal at www.newgrounds.com. Enjoy!

Raiden X

Creator: Go0gley
Genre: top-down shooter

Laser of Doom- $5000. Futuristic air force jet- $20000000. Getting your neighbor’s kid to draw your backgrounds – Priceless.

Synopsis: Raiden X was developed as a tribute to the Raiden games. It is a garden variety vertical shooter. Certain enemies will drop power ups that allow you to upgrade one of three types of weapons: a blue laser beam, red machine gun fire, or a purple lightning type energy. Also available are two sets of missiles that can be upgrade, regular and homing. →  You’re tearing me apart lamers!

Review – Galactic Civilizations II

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Galactic Civilizations II: Dread Lords
Developed by Stardock
Published by Stardock
Released 2.27.06
Ships duke it out in deep space.

4x Space Strategy fans, your prayers have been answered. Although Gal Civ 2 isn’t quite what Master of Orion 3 should’ve been, it has a wonderful balance of the detail fun fans of the genre crave without the tedium that can be overwhelming. After that teaser trailer, how couldn’t you want to read on?

First off, let me say I never played Galactic Civ 1. So from that standpoint, I was a neophyte to the series, which greatly contributed to my learning curve issues. One of my biggest frustrations is it took me a solid five or so hours to figure out what the hell was going on in the game, but eventually it all gelled together. The manual was only of so much help, but after some trial and error, I was able to run my empire the way I wanted. →  Onimusha 2: Samuread’s Destiny

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Review – Jade Empire

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Jade Empire
Developed by Bioware
Published by Microsoft
Released 4.12.05
Blue crap coming out of the hands is a serious medical condition.

Bioware is one of my favorite companies because I bow to the altar of Baldur’s Gate. I played both games in that series and both expansion packs. When I read the third installment was canceled I nearly wept. Knights of the Old Republic is a great game but I’m not really into Star Wars, Neverwinter Nights was good but there wasn’t enough focus on having a sweet party of adventurers. There will never be another Baldur’s Gate and I have to accept it (by mentioning it in every other article I write). First, an immediate comparison: Jade Empire is not as good as Baldur’s Gate. Ok, now I feel better and can begin the review.

The meat of gameplay in Jade Empire is fighting enemies, whether it be with a melee weapon, magic or just your fists and feet. →  I am become game, destroyer of words.

Review – Super Mario Strikers

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Super Mario Strikers
Developed by Next Level games
Published by Nintendo
Released 12.5.05
Oh sweet Jesus.

Today’s review, along with (hopefully) a few more to follow, is the result of a complete immersion in the multiplayer games available on what has become the premier multiplayer system of this aging generation, the Nintendo Gamecube. No other system has the range or the number of quality multiplayer titles as the Gamecube, and no company has put as much emphasis on multiplayer gaming as Nintendo. It is possible this is as a result of the fact that Nintendo likely can not compete with the monoliths of Sony and Microsoft, relegating once powerful Nintendo to a niche market. Regardless of the reason, Nintendo has largely made multiplayer gaming its bread and butter, and the results have been very good. With that, we begin with the most recent entry in this genre, Mario Strikers.

Super Mario Strikers is another in a long list of Mario Sports games. →  Do the math.