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Time to shape up, Sony

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Just days ago, Tyson discussed the many ways that Sony shot themselves in the foot, which have led to incredibly lagging console sales. He covered just about everything important. I am here to talk about why it hurts so much.

See, I just got a PSP. Before a DS. Shocking, I know, but it was a good deal that I couldn’t refuse. Truth be told, I’ve been pining for one for a long time, though I was constantly afraid that I would regret it months down the road and find a way to obtain a DS.

It has been three weeks, and I love the damn thing. I take it everywhere. I’ve tried out all its features. Somehow I love it so much that I already have five games for it, and I got three of them by trading in old titles at Gamestop. →  Read the rest

Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition – Mini-Review

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ZOMG, I love Resident Evil 4. It’s damn-near my most favirotest game evar. If I could, I would cuddle with it:) And after putting in over 10 hours of delicious zombie(?)-filled action with the Wii Edition last weekend, I decided to write a review for it, to show you guys how much I like you.

But then I realized that the only thing Capcom really changed with the Wii version is the controls, so there would be no point in writing a full review for a two year-old game that’s only marginally different.

If you know nothing about RE4, first, shoot yourself in the foot with a rubber bullet, and then go read the GC or PS2 reviews. You really should be ashamed of yourself.

But anyway, how does the Wii version control, you ask? →  Read the rest

Review – Trauma Center: Second Opinion

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After their small splash in the DS world with last year’s Under the Knife, Atlus has rolled out the operating table once again with Wii’s Trauma Center: Second Opinion. Atlus showed us a great way to use the touch-screened handheld with Under the Knife, but have they done the same for the Wii and its innovative wii-mote? Even without a medical license, I can easily prescribe Second Opinion.

If you’ve ever played the board game Operation, then you have a small inkling of what to expect from Trauma Center. You play as Derek Stiles, a rookie doctor that has just finished his residency at Hope Hospital, in fictitious Angeles Bay. At the beginning of the game, Derek acts a little lazy when dealing with the other doctors. He’s still young and in need of guidance. →  Read the rest

Review – Red Steel

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If you’ve paid attention to some of the reviews Red Steel has gotten, you probably have no idea what the game is really like. The scores are all over the place, and reviewers just can’t seem to agree on what is good or bad about the game. Some love the sword fighting, some don’t. Some hate the gun controls so much that they barely touch upon the rest of game. The best advice for you is to just forget about those losers and their reviews. This is the only one you need to worry about.

Let’s hit each one of the major problems first, just to cleanse you of all the garbage you may still have in your head. First, the controls are a little hard to grasp, at least initially. →  Read the rest

Thinking about my Wii

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When will WiiDS (pronounced “weeds”) games come out? I am looking forward to making my girlfriend hold the DS, which I can assume will display only a map for about every game with connectivity, while I play Wii games. She has tried to explain maps to me before and it never works out because we both have terrible senses of direction and tempers. Threatening to kick her out of the car will probably be less effective when sitting in the living room playing video games so I’ll have to come up with a new threat for getting me lost. Not knowing where I am while driving costs a few minutes, but in a game can cost me my life.

Here is a good idea for a game. Take notes, Nintendo. The player with the DS frantically draws monsters (or stick figures, depending on their artistic ability) and quickly assigns them basic AI, while the Wii player fights those same created monsters with his remote controlled sword/gun/2×4. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.16.06

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Round 1: Uwe versus Alien!

Uwe Boll challenges his critics to a boxing match
The sad thing is my borough president challenged his competitor to a boxing match so whatever I say about Boll directly applies to someone with much more power. Actually, that’s not true. Guy Molinari may be as stupid as Boll and may think that punching people makes you smarter, more capable of governing, or more capable of directing than your opponent, but Molinari is not responsible for the Alone in the Dark movie. Uwe Boll is, and should be beaten up for it.


Blizzard denies working on MMO versions of Starcraft and Diablo
This means nothing other than Blizzard won’t officially say they’re working on these titles now.

ARR! Pirate DS carts
Want a game that doesn’t require your progress to be saved? →  Read the rest

An E3 for the proletariat: Impressions Part 3

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I’ve always wanted to stab a Japanese man.

Red Steel
The concept behind Red Steel is definitely cool. You use the nunchaku controller to both aim and shoot a gun and slice with the sword as well as look around while walking. The analog controller in the left hand is used to move, and by twisting it you can open doors. The nunchaku controller was very precise, though this shouldn’t be surprising because if you can legitimately blame one death in a game on your controller, chances are you don’t want to buy the Wii. Also, it did not seem like the controller required enough movement that players will get tired over time; most players already jerk their controllers around when they’re excited (no pun intended) and I think that requires just as much muscle as the Wii controller does. →  Read the rest

Review – Megaman Powered Up

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Megaman Powered Up
Developed by Capcom
Published by Capcom
Released 3.14.06
Here, Megaman faces off against Cutman, who would later go on to challenge a variety of social norms by becoming the first gay hairdresser robot.

I often wonder whether games have gotten easier over time, or if I’ve just gotten better. This weekend I picked up Megaman: Powered Up, Capcom’s PSP remake of the original Megaman, and I can now definitively answer this question: old-school games were, and still are, hard as fuck. Still, a potent combination of 1337 gaming skills, perseverance, and far too much free time on my hands allowed me to conquer (at least a significant portion of) the game and bring you this delectable review!

For those who didn’t catch the Blue Bomber’s debut back on the NES, the game takes place sometime in the year 20XX, which I guess is a really long time from now because we still just use numbers for our years. →  Read the rest

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Review – Shining Tears

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Shining Tears
Developed by Amusement Vision
Published by Sega

Zzzz
“Now Loading” looks so much classier in Japanese.

The Shining series is over. Sure games that have the word “Shining” in the title keep coming out, like the proctology based “Shining Down a Colon” or the clearly aimed at preschoolers “Rise and Shining,” but this doesn’t mean anything. If Steven Spielberg got drunk and in his stupor decided to film himself masturbating, would the resulting video be a sequel to ET? Even if he named it ET2: ET Bone Home, I say no, it would not be a real sequel. The Shining games are past the drunken stupor. What comes out with the name Shining on it these days is the vomit that was too chunky to go down with the first flush. →  Read the rest

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