America

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.1.06

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The better graphics only make it abundantly clear that football players have dead eyes.

Double Fine finds a new publisher to bring their flops to market
Tim at Double Fine is working on another game. Rumors suggest it may be Psychonauts 2: Straight to Bargain Bins. The good news for us perpetual whiners is that if it’s as creative and fun as the first game and does as poorly, there will be plenty of hell to raise.

EA predicts you’ll buy 18 copies of the new Madden
Good news, tons of people still buy new Maddens despite the fact that they are basically the same game. The proportion of internet whining I mentioned is directly proportional to how many times Maddens sales quadruple the new Double Fine game. My estimate is 32. →  But the future refused to change.

The Propaganda Project: Reggie Fils Aime

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Reggie Fils Aime – President Nintendo of America

Nintendo’s American President does not come from a gaming background. He was hired to compete with the bullshit artists at the other companies. Iwata is too Japanese and not in our faces enough to handle an American audience that seems to enjoy being lied to. Enter Reggie. For each new entry, I seem to invent new categories of quotes. Reggie should be honored to know that in reading transcripts of his I couldn’t help but create the “Marketing vomit” category specifically for him. Although Allard was pretty vomitty, too.

(For an explanation of what this article is, please read this.)
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Bitchy comments
Microsoft has made the comment that people can buy an Xbox 360 and Wii for about the same price as a PlayStation 3. →  Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatarticle

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.25.06

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Game testing company founded by ex-Lionhead guy
The outsourcing of game testing has the potential to prevent computer games (and some console games) from shipping despite being riddled with bugs. I doubt this new company will have a facility like I described in this article — a huge building with a thousand computers each with varying graphics cards, processors, operating systems and viruses caught from downloading porn. Even so, Testology is a good step forward.

It is slightly depressing on at least one level, though. Think of your favorite tiny developer. Now, imagine a world where all testing is outsourced. Realize you can never get a job at this tiny developer you love oh so much. Now weep.

You are not individual enough for the light blue DSL.

Pink and black DSLites coming to America
Says the press release,

“…the new colors just add another element of fun, allowing people to ‘personalize’ who they are by the color, or colors they pick.” →  Are you ready for some readball?

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.28.06

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It works.

Victor Ireland starts a new company
The guy behind the now closed Working Designs is back in business. Woo? I’m not really sure. The new company is called GaijinWorks, which is probably not a great name. It’s a little similar to a Japanese company trying to do business in America with the name Ignorant Foreigner Enterprises.

Critics are already saying his new company is doomed to failure unless he has learned from his past mistakes, which include having enough principle to ruin a business. Can’t say I blame him for how he handled WD, but then I can’t say I disagree with his critics, either.

Another criticism Vic is facing is that he is no longer needed because companies like Atlus have filled his shoes. This is a stupid position to take. →  It’s dangerous to read alone, take this.

Left in Japan: The SNES edition

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So many games never made it to our shores. Every once in a while, the sheer amount of gaming joy we missed out on is enough to choke me up. I’ve compiled a list of some of the more important ones and given a personal account of why it should’ve made it, what we missed out on, or other random crap. All of them are RPGs of some form or another and since today’s theme is untranslated SNES games, well, they’re all SNES games. Wait, shouldn’t that be Super Famicom then?

Zylo, is that you?

FEDA Emblem of Justice
I actually have the remake of this game for the Saturn. Unfortunately, it’s still in Japanese. It plays like Shining Force or Fire Emblem but with the ability to side with good or evil and recruit different characters based on your alliance. →  U R Not lamE.

Editorial Preview of Trusty Bell

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If you’ve searched among any game site not named 1up, IGN or Gamespot (and maybe even them, I’m not sure), I bet you’ve seen or heard something about the Xbox360 RPG Trusty Bell. You know, made by Namco, real colorful, takes place in the pre-death dream world of famous composer Chopin? Everyone seems to be excited about it for one reason or another. Even I’ve linked to it on my own blog.

Chopin onions.

The initial fervor has died down by now, and I’ve thought about the game more, as well as discussed it on various forums of trusted, intelligent gamers. Suffice to say that my excitement has waned. All signs point to this game being pretty average, or at least not as compelling as the initial shock would make it out to be. →  Up to 6 billion readers.

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.14.06

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Phil Harrison doesn’t think Sony is arrogant
Phil is one of my (many) mortal enemies and it just so happens I compiled some of his best quotes and posted them right here. He may be more talented, successful, and smell less than I, but he is still a douche bag. You see, I don’t lie in public. And when I do, it’s just posted on a tiny little site no one gives a shit about. My lies reach dozens of people, his reach possibly millions. He also makes a lot more.

Violent crime may not pay, but amorality seems to be the road to success (fine, so lying for your employer may be immoral, not amoral. But if he is willing to kill for Sony, then perhaps he is amoral. →  Michigan: Article from Hell

The greatest video game mascot hands down in the history of the universe

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Who is the best video game mascot? Mario some would answer, but they’d be stupid and wrong. Mario is overweight, and obesity is a large problem in America. If you enjoy Mario’s plump antics, you obviously don’t enjoy America or freedom.

Sonic is another obvious choice, but he is bright blue and for children. Have you ever seen his cartoon show? Not the over serious ABC piece of crap, but the one with terrible drawings and life lessons at the end of each episode. While it’s respectable that his ultimate goal is to beat up a fat guy, he saves too many animals and cares too much about the planet on his journey. Sonic is a good choice for a six year old vegan, but not men like us.

Lara Croft is another popular pick. →  I’m so excited, my braces are tingling!

Chords and Kawaii: The State of the Music Genre – Part 1

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I am going to describe two scenarios to you. For the first, imagine yourself walking along with me, as we enter my last DDR Rave I mentioned in yesterday’s introduction. We’re about to step into a college reading room, essentially a student lounge of sorts with comfy chairs and a large television. Normally the room is well lit and welcoming; you can go here to study and have some coffee.

How to make anything much lamer: add Mario.

Tonight, however, the space is pitch black. Before you even see it, you can here loud, pumping music of a strange sort. Techno? Maybe, but there’s something else to it. As you walk in, you look at the TV and are immediately hit with a barrage of lights, colors and a strange mix of …stuff. →  The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Read

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.26.06

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Tose’s game Shrek: Reekin’ Havoc has been accused of lacking soul. How could a company that works as guns for hire and doesn’t like getting credit possibly make a game they don’t feel passionate about?

Development team that doesn’t take credit for their work
Tose say they are “development ninjas.” They have worked on over a thousand games and never take any credit for their work. The few games they have admitted to making seem to be average at best, so it may not be a big loss.

It does raise interesting ethical questions, though. While it may be legal, most people think it’s absurd to buy life stories from someone then write about them like thy happened to you (ala Seinfeld: see Kramer and Peterman). I’m not sure it’s any less deceitful to claim your company made a game when you secretly paid someone else to. →  Romance of the Three Articles IV: Post of Fire

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Weekly News We care About Wrap Up – 4.21.06

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It’s not vandalism if it’s illegible.

Getting Up game mediocre enough to inspire Hollywood movie
This makes perfect sense to me. The game wasn’t very good and was style over substance. Why wouldn’t they make a movie out of it and say… seven sequels to the game? When has quality ever been something consumers cared about?


Guitar Hero 2 is coming
Awesome to the max. More songs than the first one and more importantly, new modes. Bass guitar I could take or leave, but two player mode with one doing rhythm and the other doing lead sounds like a lot of fun. Now I wish I’d invested in that cherry red second guitar. It’s a tad keyboard heavy, but I really hope Rainbow in the Dark is in this game.

Scratch that, just give us some Hammerfall. →  Article Kombat

Weekly News We care About Wrap Up – 3.24.06

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PS3 to be region free.
Woohoo. Now I can buy RPGs I can’t play without getting the system modded. I expect this will increase the number of gamers who import titles from Japan, but also eat into sales of Western releases by a little, which is part of the reason console manufacturers always used region encoding.

GameStop makes huge profits.
Buying your competitors and selling used games as new really works.

Errrr
This pic of Representative Keeley is really a stronger argument against her position than anything I could write.

Jack Thompson and Delaware Representative try to brand violent games as obscene, thereby getting around that pesky First Amendment.
According to them games are not speech so they shouldn’t be protected. Since when did artistic expression need to be in the form of spoken words? →  SaGa Frontier Readmastered

What are your gaming politics?

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Pat Buchanan
Only plays Wisdom Tree titles.

Video games are a lot like politics. There are gamers who cry every time someone makes money, those who wouldn’t mind if Electronic Arts bought their children and then some people in the middle. I’ve compiled a list of what I identify as the most common types of gamers and listed their beliefs as seen through a political eye, but keep in mind I am biased by my own beliefs, both political and… gamitical. Call everyone into the room to find out what each other are. It’s fun for the whole family. Sorry, Nazi Gamer isn’t on the list, dad.

The big two – Most gamers, and decent Americans, fit into one of these two categories.

Liberal Gamer: The possible upcoming game price increase is unnecessary and will only lead to more piracy. →  Now bear my arctic post.