Blog

The release of the newest version of the Xbox 360 came right before I prepared to move to my own apartment, where my roomate’s console would be unavailable for the first time in several years.  Perfect timing I guess, though there are always caveats with console hardware revisions, ones which make all the new features a little less exciting. Rather than research what these might be, I decided to buy the new 360 blind.  Here is what I have found:

– Microsoft continues to rip off their pals at Sony and Nintendo when convenient.   The new hardware has a touch sensor for the power button and disc eject, and it makes beeps when turned on and off.  That makes it work pretty much like a PS3, and when placed next to one, it kind of looks like a cancerous growth with a radioactive green glow to it.

– When stood vertically in all of the promotional shots, the console looks like it has been partially crushed. →  Think outside the post.

I try to deny it but I may have secretly been interested because it’s on the Wii and as any Wii game review on most major sites will tell you over and over again the system lacks a plethora of high-quality third-party titles. Maybe it’s just that I don’t have a PSP and the series has always somewhat appealed to me. Whatever the case, I think Pat put it best when he said, “I thought the game would be fun because we could play online together but it’s legitimately a good game.” I agree, Monster Hunter is better than I expected.

Still, there are a few things Capcom could have done better to really capture that hunting spirit (I say this from a position of absolute authority as I have never been hunting in my life). Obviously there are obnoxious fans of the series who will be offended by my suggestions (try criticizing Fire Emblem around die hard fans if you want to know what hell is like) because “that’s how it always was in MH, you don’t understand it! →  Up to 6 billion readers.

It finally happened.  After almost three years of excessive abuse and fairly steady play, my PSP-1000 has reached the point of no return.  It still runs, but not well, and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever get it to read Memory Sticks.

Rather than try to fix the damn thing, I decided to replace it whole hog with a brand new 3000.  Normally I’d be the first to smack myself for such a sudden lack of fiscal prudence, but when I have 20 games for a console, with more coming, I tend to lose the urge to shop around (at least at a certain price point).

Anyway, I’m enjoying the new 3000 quite a bit.  I can see the screen problems that gamers have reported whenever it plays a 2d game, but I haven’t played enough of them  to determine whether this will be a true detriment.  On the other hand, the unit is incredibly light, and thinner than I imagined.  →  All your posts are belong to us.

This E3 was, in some ways, a reversal of what most gamers expected. Typically, we see everyone clamor over whether Sony or Microsoft came out on top, while we all wonder how Nintendo continues to bumble their way to success. This time around Nintendo schooled everyone, while both MS and Sony looked lost in their own ways. At least, that’s the general consensus that I have seen. From my perspective, Nintendo certainly did better, but I can’t say that anyone has lit my fire.

Breaking them down in order, Microsoft continued to slowly ape every successful feature on the Wii, while trying to find some angle with which to convince everyone that they have made it as good or better. The Kinect motion device is still in the same position as it was when it was called Project Natal: great potential that still hasn’t passed muster outside of a controlled environment. Some of the games looked absolutely terrible, but there were enough decent ideas floating around to at least give people hope. →  Today I consider myself the luckiest reader on the face of the earth.

Recently I finished playing Devil May Cry 4. Well, not finished finished, but I got through the final boss’ first form before giving up on the bullshit that happens immediately afterward. This game got quite a lukewarm reception when it first came out, and I wanted to see whether these critics were full of shit. As it turns out, they kind of were, in the sense that the game does more than it was given credit for. At the same time, it screws up in enough important ways that the level of quality attributed to it is about right. So I guess that makes it a wash, but there are still some ideas I’d like to discuss.

My first observation while playing DMC4 is that the new character, Nero, is not simply a change made for the sake of it. His fighting style is quite well thought out, integrating nicely into the DMC series’ philosophy on battle. This philosophy emphasizes strategy via style; style points are earned by mixing up your attacks and not getting hit, and the more points you get, the easier it is to earn new moves. →  I’ll read you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

Scholars have argued for hundreds of years over which belief system is the best and the jury is still out on the definitive answer. Is it the system with the most money? The system with the most followers? The system that fits in with current knowledge of how the universe works or is it the belief system that advocates fiddling blind kids and Africa dying from the AIDS? Sure, we’ve had global conflicts over some of these issues and even then the winner couldn’t be definitively decided. Now, however, through the invention of the Nintendo Wii, we can create the greatest match up of all time ever and finally see who is the best*.

Introducing the competitors:

Yes ladies and gentlemen here they are, four of the most influential people of all time. First up, in black, representing reason, common sense, science and the theory of evolution we have one Charles Darwin. Also in black and representing the persecution of Jews, getting away with taking over countries nobody cares about, getting fucked over in Russia, art and being on fire in a ditch, the one, the only, Adolf Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitler. →  Readlevania

There are a whopping two arcade machine series on Earth that I can beat consistently on one purchase, regardless of sequel number or difficulty setting: Soul Caliber and Marvel vs. Capcom.

The key to Soul Caliber, you see, is Maxi and his awesome ability to start spinning his nunchuks, never pausing for a break as he beats the sweet bejeebus out of any and all opponents. Just mash the buttons, bimbo. Why didn’t you think of that?

And Marvel vs. Capcom 2? Iron Man, War Machine and Cable will destroy any and all challengers from their cozy little far corner of the screen, sending a constant and unfair barrage of projectile after projectile at those who dare to cross them.

Am I excited about the announcement of Marvel vs. Capcom 3? Damn straight. But instead of just cheesing my way to the top once it is released, I’d instead like to offer some sober, sane advice for potential new characters to add to the roster of the game to increase the fun. →  It’s not you, it’s me.

I know most of you came here for one thing, so I’ll just leave these here:

Replayability: 1/10
Challenge: 2/10
Controls: 6/10
Content: 2/10
Overall: 4/10

Feel free to check Metacritic to figure out how other people rated Video Game Reviews!

For the rest of you, I’ll go ahead and add a few more lines so you can tell all your friends about this great review of Video Game Reviews. This is a pretty awful game. I’m not going to tell you specifically how awful for a while because that might challenge you to decide what you like before I’ve told you.

Speaking of challenge, this game doesn’t have much. There are a dozen different difficulty settings (Gamespy, IGN, Gamespot, Metacritic, and so on) but they all seem to really mean the same thing challenge wise. All are pretty easy, which means you will probably either love or hate them. There are a few bonus levels scattered here and there, and they’re more difficult, but you pretty much have to look up how to reach them in a FAQ because they’re almost impossible to find on your own. →  It was the best of games, it was the worst of games

Everyone loves discussing why games are or aren’t art. Even I can’t help it. The subject is just too hard to pass up. It exists just so intellectual jerkoffs can spill ink (do people even spill ink anymore?) over it and feel good. This is why I’m not going to write about it anymore. Instead, I’m going to write about “games can never be art.” And no, I didn’t quite contradict myself there. I’m not going to write about whether or not games can be art. I’m going to write about the literal sentence “games can never be art.”

I have a major problem with this statement. Not with the logical implications of what it’s trying to communicate, but rather the structure of the statement itself. Why not say “Art can never be games?” The reason why is because because the statement makes some assumptions. It assumes that art is something that games need to be judged against. That games are somehow trying to be art. →  Eh, I’ve got nothing better to do.

Little Big Planet 2 is in production and the gaming sites want you to know it.

Currently the front page of Edge has four LBP2 related stories running, including the top article:
An announcement of the game
A news piece on how it is not just an expansion
An article detailing the newest Edge issue, featuring a LBP2 cover story
A story on the new features

1Up is also a little LBP2 crazy, with five stories on the game including the top article:
An announcement of the game
A news piece on how it is not just an expansion
“Six Levels I’d Love To Create Using Little Big Planet 2’s New Features and Themes”
A LBP2 music announcements piece
And the LBP2 debut trailer

IGN has LBP2 as their top story but only sports two other related stories:
LBP2 preview
LBP2 supports Move
LBP2 reveal trailer

Finally, Gamespot follows suit and has a LBP2 top story:
LBP2 preview
LBP2 interview
LBP2 announcement

Gamespot and IGN are behind in terms of Little Big Planet coverage. →  Videolamer does what IGNotDoes.