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Diary of a Guitar Hero Loser

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Guitar Loser

Recently I wrote of my relative experience in the area of playing the video games and how it related to my ability to enjoy Halo 3. My cocksure countenance and, frankly, fairly insulting prose garnered a respectable number of responses whose general flavor I would describe as mired in absolute and laser-focused ire. Ire mired, as it were.

It is now weeks later and I own Guitar hero 3. I purchased the Wii version because I thought that plugging my Wii-mote into the Les Paul would somehow be more awesome than gaining achievements or playing friends online with less than thirty layers of fucking moon cryptography between myself and those people Nintendo just assumes are trolling the Wii-nternets looking for kids to say nasty things to. It is unfortunate that I must report to you that there is absolutely no reason to go this route. →  Read the rest

The State of Japanese Gaming Plus A Couple of Signs That the End Times Are Upon Us

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As I type this, I am covetously inspecting my growing stockpile of canned goods and rice. Earlier I cleaned and loaded my Colt .45 Airsoft pistol with silencer and under barrel flashlight (think Metal Gear Solid 3). Within the next couple of hours I will be ready for what I am guessing is either going to be the zombocalypse, the Second Coming, WWIII, or possibly the release of a Vanilla Ice Greatest Hits album. One way or the other something bad is going to happen and I am going to be ready.

The Japanese are doing curious things that have tipped me off to our fast approaching doom, let me explain.

First, as I was browsing through the video game section of one of my local electronics stores I spotted a Japanese man loading up his shopping cart with: A) Halo 1,2, and 3 B) An Xbox Live membership card and C) one or two other 360 games that I couldn’t make out. →  Read the rest

Achieve Nothing

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I try not to make VL blog posts sound like a broken record, but blogs are for random thoughts and insights. Playing more Guitar Hero has given me a few more.

I’ve commented in the past about how the achievement system on the 360 is a little goofy, yet we still clamor for them. I know I do, despite my best efforts. Its one thing when two games have vastly different ideas of what an achievement should constitute, but it is even more interesting to see what two sequels have to say on the matter.

Both GH2 and 3 have mostly the same kinds of achievements – beat the game on all the different difficulties, five star all the songs, earn big note streaks, buy stuff from the store, etc. Here are the pages for my achievements in both games (they’re nothing to brag about, they’re just there for you to examine the awards). →  Read the rest

Other sites’ minor offenses

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In my never ending mission to find things to complain about, I frequently stumble upon poorly phrased passages in competitors articles (by competitors I mean real web sites). Here are two stupid things I found recently:

Joystiq calls Alien Soldier “filler.”
Or maybe it’s a highly respected game from a hugely talented developer that never made it to American shores.

In the wake of the release of Super Mario 3, many have overlooked Treasure’s cult classic Alien Soldier. This has happened before – Super Metroid overshadowed Shinobi 3, despite both being awesome. The strength of the Virtual Console lies in its ability to offer us access to excellent games we missed, or hard to find classics. While it’s true that the first thing I did when I got home yesterday was download Mario 3, it and games like it that have been released 17 separate times aren’t what makes the VC so sweet. →  Read the rest

Sunshine, lollipops and – Rock Band?

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I’m not sure what to name the Guitar Hero/Rock Band fan community, as they are far from the only rhythm games in the world, and “western rhythm games” sounds retarded. Let’s just say that in this not-yet-named community, the majority of fans realize and accept that both Guitar Hero 3 and Rock Band have strengths and weaknesses. Some players may prefer one over the other, but they also have enough reason to give them both a try, and maybe even a purchase.

Still, while the mass market seems to stand by Guitar Hero and its now titanium strong name brand, there is a contingent of folks who have sworn an oath to Harmonix and Rock Band, citing that a game with more instruments just has to be better (amirite?).

No.

As anyone who has played Guitar Hero knows, whoever doesn’t get to play lead guitar in co-op is often screwed over with a really mundane bassline. →  Read the rest

Deadly fists of deadly fury – melee imbalances in FPS

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Because I desperately crave acceptance and attention from the “cool kids,” I’ve recently found myself playing immense amounts of Halo 3 with my roommate and various Xbox Live people.

A quick aside about my gaming habits (which you don’t care about but are vital to this post). I have never been a console FPS gamer. I’ve always been a PC gamer. UT2k and UT2003 were my bread and butter – annihilate people with a twitch of a mouse and a blast of the flak cannon. From there I moved on to Call of Duty, which was “slower” because of the WW2 genre, but still immensely fun.

Controllers for FPS have always been my kryptonite. As a result, I sort of fell off the FPS gaming bandwagon. I did recently get into Gears of War for a bit, but it wasn’t nearly as entertaining as Halo 3 has been. →  Read the rest

Clouding Judgement with trends and fads

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I know the last time I posted I promised a week of Guitar Hero goodness, but I have to break the promise to rant about something else.

As you might have noticed, Portal has become something of the darling of the games industry right now. Everyone seems to be in love with it, which I am glad to see, as it truly is a remarkable game.

At the same time, I’m not glad to see it. I look at the videos of people’s best speed runs through Portal’s challenge levels, and I am amazed at how much power the simple portal concept has given gamers. The solutions you can find are incredible mixes of speed and creativity, and it fills my mind with a flurry of ideas for fast, visceral platforming levels using the portal gun. →  Read the rest

Best Buy Hero

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After recovering from a brutal hangover Sunday morning, I set out with my roommate obtain Guitar Hero 3. Now, due to past horrific experienced with Best Buy, I had first sought to order it from Amazon.com, but was told I would not receive said game until mid November. This was deemed unacceptable. So we headed to Best Buy.

Upon arriving, we found, to our glee, a fully stocked display of Guitar Hero 3 games. I quickly grabbed two copies for the Xbox 360 (one for me, one as a gift for a friend), and my roommate grabbed an extra guitar. As I walked away from the display, I was accosted by a Best Buy employee, who, seeing two of us, informed me that there was a one-per-customer limit. I handed my extra copy to my roommate and the employee was sated. →  Read the rest

Guitar Hero and Wally World

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It’s Guitar Hero 3 week here at videolamer, at least for me. I’ll be sprinkling the site with various blog posts (and eventually the big review) all week. Today we start with a minor, interesting issue made major and critical. It appears that many (or all) of the PS2 and 360 bundles being sold at Walmart and potentially a few other stores are being sold not with the new Kramer and Les Paul controllers respectively, but with older model SGs and Xplorers. Naturally, the internet is blowing itself up over it.

This leads to a few questions. First, why was this bundle made? It certainly was not a packaging mistake. The only logical answer I can think of is that they are being sold to retailers for less so that Walmart can get the price edge over competitors. →  Read the rest

Review hegemony

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Gamers expect very specific review scores for certain games. When Twilight Princess got an 8.6 the internet almost self destructed. Recently, Ratchet and Clank got a 7.5. People are in an uproar over a game they have never played. It’s a triple A title and deserves a triple A score seems to be the prevailing wisdom.

There are a few ways to look at this phenomenon. The first and plainly stupid view is that reviewers are doing their job poorly or are biased. I believe money has changed hands for good reviews but have a tough time swallowing that Microsoft payed for R&C to get a low score. The next and significantly more rational perspective is that the people complaining are actually in the minority. These people are also 14 year old fanboys with a first grade understanding of the English language. →  Read the rest

Nintendo – update your stupid console

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I have curly red hair. Why does Nintendo hate me? How difficult would it be for them to add some new hair colors and styles to the Mii options? Their lack of effort is either indicative of laziness or deep seated hatred for non-Japanese people and frankly, either of those is culturally insensitive (particularly the latter) and pisses me off.

Also, stop allowing for such asinine polls. Neither black cats nor ladders have control over human affairs and anyone who says otherwise is an inbred peasant, or perhaps retarded Japanese farmer (just trying to even the score here). Though it may stretch the very boundaries of what human beings are capable of, please give us polls with three or dare I say four possible answers. This way you can continue asking questions like “Which day is longer, Tuesday or Thursday?” →  Read the rest

Newest Nolan Bushnell quote: relevant or Old Fogey talk?

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Nolan Bushnell, the man that essentially created the video game industry (which automatically makes him my lord and savior) had some harsh words to say about the current state of video gaming in an interview with Electronic Design.

“Video games today are a race to the bottom. They are pure, unadulterated trash and I’m sad for that,” says Bushnell.

Now, let’s forget that this man single-handedly destroyed the video game industry right after he created it with a plethora of sub-par Atari games. I mean, there’s a dump solely dedicated to letting E.T. cartridges get the much-needed suntan that they deserve.

And let’s forget the fact that Bushnell has been out of the video game business ever since he created Chuck E. Cheese, a restaurant that just screams “pedophile hangout”. →  Read the rest

When Dwarves And Sailors Unite As One

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The other day while traipsing about the internet, I stumbled upon a trailer for Atari’s upcoming game, The Witcher. Having not heard of this game before and having always wanted to yell, “She’s a witch!! Burn her!” and then be able to light said witch aflame, I decided to watch the video. What followed was a long and drawn out tour of this medieval looking city being conducted by some white-haired guy that needs to eat a sandwich and stop talking like Max Payne. Still, I had nothing better to do so I continued to watch the trailer. That is when it happened.

My leather-clad tour guide dropped the “F-bomb” as he casually meandered through the scene.

At first, I didn’t think much of it. The “F-word” so what? I have heard it millions of times in movies, music, and my daily life, so why should it bother me now? →  Read the rest

NPD Schadenfreude

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I’m a small, petty man, but maybe you are small and petty, too. If so, you may enjoy these comedic comments from a popular PS3 forum. The context is the following – Halo 3 sold 3.3 million copies in less than two weeks, MS sold 527k 360s, Nintendo 501k Wiis, and Sony 117k PS3s.

“this is just an example of what the media can do to a console. ps3 was just released in the wrong world.”

“And why would any one expect Heavenly Sword to see better then it did it has no advertisement at all and there are only 6 million ps3s out as of now so if you compare that to halo selling 3.3 million of 360 with 10 million units old then its allot closer then it looks.” →  Read the rest

Metal Gear Ac!d 2 knows you won’t read the manual

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I’m pretty bored this Sunday evening, so here’s a blog post that no one will actually read.

I picked up Metal Gear Acid 2 on PSP with the extra little scratch I got from trading some games in (more on that in a future article). First thing I noticed was the manual was a five or so page black and white pamphlet. I’m used to pieces of crap like this from EA, which seems to be pushing just how close they can get to three page manuals including the first page of warnings. But Konami doing this with one of their (as they call it) signature series? It didn’t make any sense, especially since the art inside the case is wonderful.

My answer came up on the first page of the manual – the real instructions were a pdf found on Konami’s website. →  Read the rest

The most racist-filled place on Earth: Xbox Live

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Is it just me, or is America filled with racist pigs? I’ve been playing Halo 3 online since it came out, and there has not been one night where I didn’t hear a racial slur slung at me. And half the time it’s for no reason! I’m just sitting there, tea-bagging some guy after sticking a plasma grenade in his mouth, and I get called the “N-word”! That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

I am not a black man, but I still get very offended when people say this. It’s not right, and it’s saddening that people are still subjected to this kind of juvenile behavior. What if I was a black man? How do you think I would feel? All I’m doing is playing a video game, trying to relieve a little stress from a hard day’s work. →  Read the rest

ZOMGzors – Bungie and Msoft split up

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Fuck me, every time I put on a clean pair of pants, something like this happens. I won’t make this blog too long-winded, as I’m sure you want details. So here they are, in a nice list format for easy reading.

-Bungie is now an independent company, entitled Bungie LLC. They have no real ties to Microsoft anymore…

-..but they still have a long-term publishing agreement with Microsoft.

-Microsoft owns the IP rights to Halo, so in theory, Bungie may not make the next Halo installment (see below for delicious commentary).

-Bungie is still working on DLC for Halo 3, as well as collaborating on the Halo/Peter Jackson project.

-Both companies <3 each other, hoping to make Bungie/Msoft babies in the future.

What does this ultimately mean for us gamers? Not much, really. →  Read the rest

Breaking up (stories) is (not) hard to do

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In order to break the monotony of playing the same opening levels of Halo 3 on co-op, my friend and I loaded up some Gears of War for a change. Both games are often compared, being the two premiere entries on the Xbox 360, but one interesting thing about both is never discussed – both have incomplete stories. Purposely incomplete, to be specific. In both cases there are often scenes and events that either don’t make much sense, or seem wanting for more backstory to provide an explanation. For examples, consider the intro to Halo 3 which shows all the characters back on Earth, or when Gears implies that Marcus Fenix had some past antagonism with General RAAM. In the case of Halo, we already know of a comic book series that will detail the events between Halo 2 and 3, and we also know that Gears will be a trilogy (with entry into other media such as comics and novels). →  Read the rest

Christian tunes his ax and whips out the beating stick

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Today we get another song pack for Guitar Hero 2, the second one with fresh songs. I’m always up for some new challenges, but I also appreciate the chance this gives me to point out the faults (and successes) of others. You see, this song pack was announced for release a week ago and slated to be available last Thursday. Instead we get it today. The success here goes to scorehero, which did its best to explain the situation and keep everyone updated on the status of the songs. Apparently the tunes were supposed to be out this week rather than last, and someone in PR misinterpreted the announcement. I want to thank the folks at the site for keeping the community in the know.

I’ll chalk this up to an honest mistake by someone at Harmonix/Red Octane/Microsoft. →  Read the rest