Mario Kart

Peripheral Disdain

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Hate Goes HERE

My girlfriend is pretty solid into Mario Kart. This was made clear to me when we started dating, that any attempt to usurp her Mario Kart dominance would be met with pure and unfettered force; the kind you would expect from the core of an exploding sun.

Not one to back down to that sort of challenge, I wrapped up my attempt at her throne in a pretty bow and gave it to her, a shit eating grin slapped on, for her birthday along with Mario Kart Wii and an additional wheel. This additional wheel, it was for me. For me to use to kick her ass.

Before you lose your dork-load trying to tell me how amazing the GC controller is and how lame we are to be using the wheel it should be mentioned that her golden path of pwnership was swathed wide with a wavebird, and that these wheels we got – we got them for fun. You remember fun, right? →  Xenosaga 2: Jenseits von Gut und Pöst

DS games on the go!

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So you have a DS but you don’t have the time to sink into long playing sessions. Or in my case, you have the attention span of a seven year old on crack. The whole concept of the aging process bringing patience is a lie and I’m living proof. When I was ten I could sit for hours and rock Final Fantasy 2 on the SNES, now I can barely sit through a thirty minute session of Phantom Hourglass. I think I am turning into more of a casual gamer and I know for sure that my mind is usually elsewhere when I flip the switch on my black-as-my-soul DS.

This does not mean that I don’t enjoy games anymore; I just don’t get overly involved in most of the games I play. Fortunately for me, the DS has an abundance of titles that fit very well into my lifestyle of mid-range commuting and chipmunk-sized bouts of concentration. Here is a rundown of ten games that are extremely fun but have fairly short play session requirements and fit very well into life on the go. →  Lords of the Read 2

Does Nintendo care?

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With games like WiiFit and Face Training becoming the staple of Nintendo’s wares in this “new generation”, most hardcore gamers are left asking, “Hey, what about me? Where are my kind of games at, son?” I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Nintendo doesn’t care about you anymore. They have moved on to greener pastures. Which is to say they want your mom’s money now, not yours.

The number one indicator for this theory was their show at the 2007 E3 conference. We had nearly 20 minutes of WiiFit, but only 20 seconds of Mario Kart Wii.

They didn’t want to show more because Nintendo was in front of all the world’s media, and they wanted to send out the word that they’re all about the non-gamers now. That’s why they focused so much on WiiFit. It was a signal to everyone that hardcore gamers are not Nintendo’s main market anymore. Iwata was on stage for nearly 10 minutes trying to defend what their company was doing now:

“Basically, non-games make us mad cash money, and we want more.” →  Actraiser Readnaissance

We can’t really be this stupid

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ReggieHatesYou

When my fiancee tells her friends that she’s engaged to a fairly devoted gamer she is almost universally met with reticence; those ‘I feel sorry for you’ little smiles, vacant head bobs and the ubiquitous ‘oh… that’s, um, cool’.

This is because, even though G4 Tech TV, Spike and the Sci-Fi channel would have you believe otherwise, we are not mainstream. Realize that even though you know more gamers today than you ever have in your life, the majority of our country still asks if we use Nintendo Tapes(???) for our xBoxen. We are gaining momentum, yes. Our industry is becoming a huge cash generator and more people than ever are joining the cause, but we’re not at the point just yet where more than 10% of the populace doesn’t think of us as basement dwelling dweebs.

I have heard, both directly and indirectly, that I:

  • Seem too much like an adult to be a gamer
  • Am too ‘smart’ to like video games
  • Look like a linebacker, not a nerd
  • Am surprisingly mature for a gamer
  • Make too much money to like toys

The obvious deficiency in these statements (linebacker?) →  It’s time to read and chew bubblegum… and I’m all outta gum.

Nintendo’s E3 conference also sucks

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Nintendo’s E3 presentation was as bad as Microsoft. Had they not announced release dates of games I want, I’d probably say worse. Highlights:

– Bragging
– Charts
– Release dates
– Montages
– Charts
– Wii Zapper, which will come with a game (how about a game that comes with the zapper instead of a zapper that comes with a shitty after thought of a pack in?)
– Mario Kart coming early next year with online races and a stupid plastic steering wheel. Also with the new feature of “skill not mattering” that levels the playing field for all new gamers
– Charts
– Bad puns
– Montages
– High School Musical, the amazing game based off of the movie of the same name
– Wii Fit, complete with Wii Pad to Wii stand on

I thought Reggie was supposed to not suck. Someone lied to me. Perhaps at least one of his jokes would have not induced cringing in the audience had he delivered them like a comedian or orator and not like a marketing drone. →  50 Cent: Readproof

65 reasons to own a DS

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Recently, PSP Fanboy began a series of articles called “60 Reasons to own a PSP.” They may only be up to reason 45 despite the series beginning a month ago, but today we are showing you everything we’ve got. Yes, 65 reasons to own a DS, but here’s the catch — they’re all games.

PSP fans (we have some at this site) and savvy readers may be quick to point out that PSP Fanboy could have taken the same approach. Forget that it’s debatable the PSP has 65 good games because that’s not the point. The PSP crowd may like games, but we believe the PSP Fanboy article shows what is important to that fanbase.

Features, a lot of features. Nubs, wireless, movies, browsers, messengers, waffle irons. Games are number one on their list, but they still get one sixtieth of the list, like free VoIP (in Britain only) and adjustable screen brightness. No more or less priority than features 2% of PSP owners use. →  Screw Jesus, this article’s the real deal

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EDGE lists Top 100 Games, Internet explodes

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God I hate these Top 100 Lists. Not because they number the games wrong, or omit key games, but of the inevitable backlash they endure from our happy and always intelligent flock, the Internet. Some were so mad that they got pissed off at the site they read the list on, even when it wasn’t originally written by that specific site.

If you’re man enough to go through every single game and not have some derogative comment after, then I will let you view the winners, courtesy of Next-Gen.biz.

As I went through the list, I started to see what they were trying to do. You’ll see that EDGE included Super Mario World as the sole 2D Mario platformer. Surprisingly, Super Mario Bros 1. and 3 did not make the list. To me, this says the best game in the series gets the only nod for the franchise. In many respects, Super Mario World is the pinnacle of 2D Mario platforming. →  All happy games are alike; each unhappy game is unhappy in its own way.

The Real Gaming Challenge ™

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You might be able to tell from a lot my recent articles, but I enjoy challenging myself when gaming. Over the years I’ve managed to become better at a lot of genres and titles that used to kick my ass, but one genre in its entirety has eluded me; racing games.

Yes, aside from perhaps Mario Kart, I am possibly the worst racing gamer you’d ever have the displeasure of competing against. I’m not sure what it is; am I handling corners wrong? Shifting improperly? Maybe I don’t understand the true performance of the car. All I know is that I can’t play these games for the life of me.

That is going to change now. I’ve decided to turn my past efforts up 200% and try my absolute hardest to conquer racing games. To do so, I took the crisp $20 I earned from selling textbooks and purchased the one racer with the most content and steepest learning curve; Gran Turismo 4. →  Article Hominid

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.27.07

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Ken Kuraragi finally falls on his sword
I have called for Ken’s resignation many times, but like a president bombarded by calls to fire a cronie, end a war, step down, or learn to read Kutaragi has ignored me entirely. That is until yesterday. Ken has finally listened to my sharp criticism and based a life altering decision on it…or has he?

“And God said unto me, ‘Make thy console large, make it powerful, but above all else hold unto this truth: Make thy console expensive.'”

The Japanese, unlike Americans, have a thing they like to call sushi. This raw fish (California rolls don’t count, hippy) is symbolic of another concept we Americans lack – honor. For you see, in ancient Japan the sushi roller guy was thought to be the embodiment of the fisherman’s god, Zeus. Zeus had a mighty trident he used for fishing. He also had many children. The most important of these children was the original emperor of Japan, known as Honor Mitsubishi. →  You do not simply walk into reading more.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 2.23.07

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New Virtual Console consoles
It looks like Wii owners will now have the chance to download Neo Geo and MSX games. I’d like to see the original Metal Gear, which is supposed to be significantly cooler than the NES port, and Master System favorites (that were ports from the MSX) Miracle Warriors and Golvellius. Of course the West may never get the MSX emulator because most (or all) of the system’s games are in Japanese. Maybe after Nintendo translates Fire Emblem 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 I will believe there’s a possibility they translate super obscure Japanese computer games on a system 99.8% of Americans have never heard of.

Speaking of Master System, why not give us a Wii emulator for Phantasy Star, Wonder Boy, Zillion, Alex Kidd and company? Or at least a Sega CD emulator so we can play Dungeon Exploer in style. The TG16 version looks like crap (not to mention plays like crap). With a Sega CD emulator, we could sink countless hours into Shining Force CD, Dark Wizard, Lunar 1 and 2, and maybe even Snatcher (plus I guess Vay and Popful Mail for you Working Designs faithful). →  Sly 3: Honor Among Reads