posts by jay
jay

Little things that make a big difference: Visible enemies in RPGs

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Playing Chrono Trigger today, I noticed what a nice change of pace being able to see enemies on the screen was. The Saga games may be another RPG that shows bad guys, but that series does it in a way that makes wandering maps akin to a running play in 10 Yard Fight. Chrono’s enemies are different.

Sure, you can avoid many of them, but the little animation they run through pre-battle goes a long way to immerse us in their world. These aren’t invisible baddies who materialize randomly – they’re always out there, even if they’re hiding in the bushes.

Shining the Holy Ark modified this concept of stumbling upon villains in their native environment. Enemies don’t frolic like they do in Chrono Trigger, but rather make an entrance unto the battlefield worthy of a celebrity. →  May God smite me if I stop reading here!

Make my RPG

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The RPG Maker XP community can be harsh. Members tend to look down on any game developed using RPG Maker XP that contains the default graphics and music. Not wanting to play a 50th game that uses the exact same character graphics and boss music makes sense.

But then there don’t seem to be 50 finished games. Much of the community expertly ignores a new game if it looks old hat, but games rarely see completion. It doesn’t make much sense why people are so sick of character art they have only seen used in five finished titles, but not wanting to use that character art in their own games is what leads to so few finished products.

I’m afraid their way of thinking is affecting me, too. My RPG Maker game was supposed to be small and contain no original assets. →  Get lame or get out.

What’s in a name?

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Fallout 3 is coming! Fallout 3 is coming! Oh, wait, no it’s not. A game called Fallout 3 is coming, but Fallout 3 will never be.

The video game industry, like the movie and television industry, trades names and ideas in a way that makes me scratch my head. And as if there were some magical power in the name of a game or movie, fans obediently froth at the mouth when offered the opportunity to enjoy more of the same name. But games aren’t names, they’re artistic products crafted by specific people.

Fallout 3 is just a name, and Bethesda cannot make an actual Fallout 3 by owning the letters F, A, L, O, U, and T arranged in a specific combination. Games are designers, artists, and coders and if those people change, the series changes. →  There is only one really serious philosophical problem, and that is games.

Bullshit, eat fresh!

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Has anyone else seen the recent Subway commercial that has a fat kid playing a Pacman clone? The game seems to consist of controlling a fat kid (not to be confused with the fat kid who is actually playing the game) and eating donuts and cake. For the sake of your time, I’ll ignore the shoddy game design and collision detection.

It’s harder to ignore the gist of the commercial, though. “What kind of eating habits are you kids learning?” it asks. America is the fattest country in the world. If little porkers are learning how to have multiple heart attacks, I guarantee it’s not video games that are teaching them. Why doesn’t Subway make an honest commercial that shows Fat Junior’s hippopotamus parents scarfing down fried hot dogs?

Because then fat people everywhere would be offended, despite the frequent truth that lard ass parents make pudgy kids. →  One must imagine video games happy.

It’s only fun if I pay for it

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This holiday I spent some time with my old friend Commodore. Not the patriarch himself, but the sixty third child to bear his name. We did some catching up and despite looking like hell, Commodore is still a lot of fun. But then theres a problem with emulating your friends; they feel cheap.

When I was younger I had to spend my parents hard earned money to buy every single game I owned. Now with the advent of emulation, I download dozens of designers entire careers in a matter of hours. McGruff may be upset that I have turned to a life of crime, but there is a deeper issue than ethics at work here.

I can’t convince myself to spend a significant amount of time with any one emulated game. →  The review for ‘Shark Sandwich’ was merely a two word review which simply read ‘Read Sandwich.’

Finally, a reason to move

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I’m accustomed to a game having to win me over. It should convince me it’s fun, and if I see a way to cut a corner here or there, by all means I’ll take it. Sure I’m supposed to talk to those town folk to further immerse myself in this RPG, or I’m supposed to call out that word in this party game, but if I don’t explicitly have to, then I just won’t do it. If the designers were good enough, they’d force me to have fun.

This is at least how I felt before owning a Wii. I have become acutely aware of how my willingness to stand up and have fun affects how enjoyable many Wii titles are. Last year, I’d have refused to participate the way a game wanted me to. →  Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Post

Best Buy needs a better selection

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Tonight I scoured the earth for a copy of Etrian Odyssey. A painfully difficult game with music by Yuzo Koshiro sounds like heaven to me. Apparently, Best Buy thinks it sounds like a nerdy Japanese RPG doomed to rot on the shelves. I was hurt that the store didn’t carry the game, but what they do carry is infinitely more infuriating.

Cars…OK, maybe the movie was cute.

Cake mania…I guess it’s some flash game, whatever.

Bratz: Diamondz…No, there is never a reason to stock this game. If you buy your children Bratz merchandise do the world a favor and smother them while they sleep.

Dogz…Nintendogs ripoff meant to take advantage of stupid children and ignorant parents, fine.

Horsez…Nintendogs ripoff meant to take advantage of stupid children and ignorant parents who cannot tell the difference between a dog and a horse, fine. →  May God smite me if I stop reading here!

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.14.07

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Starcraft 2 is coming
Golden Jew was wrong. He is hereby stripped of one hundredth of his massive pile of gold coins, crowns, and swords. I’ll give it back when the Starcraft MMO comes out in two years.

Rare to broaden 360s audience with all age friendly games
But also don’t rule out that they will make mature games, says Microsoft’s Peter Moore. They will or they won’t. They may and they may not. I’m glad Moore cleared that up.

Rare is fascinating because Microsoft seems to think Rare can change the Xbox brand image and because I have a theory that Nintendo makes their second parties what they are. On the first point, Rare will fail. Microsoft is taking the same attitude towards appealing to the mass market as they took when attempting to appeal to the Japanese — “one or two games should do it, now let’s sit back and wait for the money.” →  What is a post? A miserable little pile of secrets.

Violent games may affect us but the Constitution protects us

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In the wake of the Virginia Tech shooting the media once again pounced on video games, an easy target and frequent scapegoat. As usual, gamers were not very thrilled. Many gaming sites wrote scathing condemnations of the obvious idiocy of Jack Thompson, Dr. Phil, and company. Joystiq, however, chose to do something positive.

The site posted a declaration titled “What I know about violent video games” that partially reads:

– I know the difference between right and wrong.
– I know the difference between fantasy and reality.
– I know where the game ends and real life begins.

The declaration has a spot for a signature and is meant to be given to loved ones who may be concerned about your gaming habits. It’s nice to see an attempt to counter the negative media attention given to games that doesn’t resort to calling Jack Thompson an ignorant fascist, which he is. →  A reader is you.

Your favorite game looks like shit

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Something’s been on my mind recently and I can’t make sense of it. Not “why are we here?” or “what’s after this life?” Those are easy questions to answer. I’m talking about something deeper, something video game related.

I consider myself a hardcore gamer based on the amount of gray matter I’ve dedicated to storing information on video games (F, D, F, HP — YOUR HEAD IS MINE!) and for the fact they occupy my thoughts whenever possible. I’ve played hundreds of games on a dozen or so consoles, and here’s the important part, besides the joy of bragging — my favorite titles are spread throughout time and hardware.

I have favorites on the C64 (Archon 2), NES (Contra), Master System (Phantasy Star), Genesis (Shining Force), SNES (Secret of Mana), PS1 (Twisted Metal 2), N64 (Golden Eye), Saturn (Panzer Dragoon), Dreamcast (Bangai-O), PS2 (Guitar Hero), Xbox (Chronicles of Riddick), Gamecube (Eternal Darkness) and PC (Baldur’s Gate 2). →  All you need is read.

Nintendo – Honest designers or Japanese super ninja thieves?

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Today I stumbled upon my bag of E3 2005 crap. I hadn’t remembered it was under the bed right next to the box of Chick Tracts (kids love them!) A quick look through the pamphlets and goodies made me recall how much of a bloated orgy E3 was. Just how many more Sony key chains, FFVII Before Crisis monitor wipers, paper Sly Cooper 3D glasses, and Phoenix Wright branded cans of coffee did they expect to give out before the whole thing collapsed under the weight of hastily thrown together demos, rabid consumerism (yes, I fought someone for that can of coffee, and no, coffee should not be in cans), thudding bass and barely dressed women?

The answer was “one years worth.” E3 as we knew it is over and the industry is better off, but this is all irrelevant. →  Do a barrel read!

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.4.07

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Sony markets to teens
Sony decided this was a smart business move after analyzing the figures:
Selling games to 10 year olds = totally lame (Nintendo sux LOL)
Selling games to 14 year olds = awesome to the max (we rulz)

The All I want for Christmas is a PSP, Sony’s first attempt to market to teens, went over slightly better than September 11th. Most failed ads don’t bring in more customers, this failed ad led to current customers donating their PSPs to their walls at 15 MPH.

EA noticing Wii and DS appeal to kids, plans bad mini-game game to cash in
EA Playground appeals to “the kid in everyone.” How exactly did EA deduce this? There are the obvious things that appeal to kids but not adults, like finding the opposite sex disgusting and eating chalk. →  Words are the towns and cities of letters.

New Wii games will not make current Wii games less terrible

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As you may have read, Nintendo recently announced the first party games they plan on releasing in Japan in 2007. Here’s the list:

-Donkey Kong Taru Jet Race (renamed DK Jet or DK Bongo Blast for the US)
-Wii Health Pack
-Disaster: Day of Crisis
-Mario Party 8
-Project H.A.M.M.E.R.
-Wii Music
-Super Mario Galaxy
-Super Smash Bros. Brawl
-Battalion Wars II
-Forever Blue
-Mario Strikers Charged
-Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
-Mario and Sonic at the Olympics

It’s about time, Nintendo, because there are a lot of terrible Wii games out right now. The Wii’s ratio of playable games to shit is nearly as bad as the Virtual Boys. Far Cry, Rapala Tournament Fishing, Wing Island, World Series of Poker, Rampage, and Wii Play are horrendous. Then there’s the licensed garbage like Happy Feet, The Ant Bully, Avatar, Open Season and SpongeBob. →  Hell is other gamers.

Kutaragi is Kutarazy

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Ken Kutaragi recently made it known that he has design ideas for the PS4. And the PS5. And the PS6. Based on Phil Harrison’s declaration that the PS3 is future proof, the PS4 should hit the market between about 84 thousand years from now and never. But even if you’re one of those cynics who don’t believe everything PR people say, you’ve got to figure the PS4 will launch around 2012. With five years each generation, that gives us the PS6 in 2022, a full 15 years from now.

Maybe Kutaragi has a knack for correctly interpreting Nostradamus, but he is probably just delusional. How could he possibly be planning anything beyond the color of the PS6 casing? Technology advances in fits and starts and is difficult to predict even without any unforeseen break throughs (cars, radio, TV, internet, The Clapper). →  All this can be yours, if the read is right.

Creative writing, descriptive language and curse words do not automatically make a review good

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I apologize for linking to an old review of Twilight Princess. I only recently read it and feel compelled to comment. My first instinct was to write the entire review off as a cry for attention. While it may be, writing it off is the easy way out and allows the author the satisfaction of being dismissed, as opposed to critically assessed. So let’s discuss the merits of her positions.

Whether games are all ultimately very similar and it is only the façade of graphics, sound, and plot that differentiate them or whether the façade doesn’t matter because games are ultimately the game mechanics underneath is not a debate I am equipped to settle. I tend to come down on the side that the façade usually doesn’t matter and the mechanics are really what a game “is” at least 95% of the time (for example, Fumito Ueda titles may be in the remaining 5%). →  Professor Layton and the Diabolical Post

Goat of War

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In a shockingly candid interview with videolamer, Phil Harrison has granted us some insight into the often confusing world of Sony PR. The recent goat incident, in which a decapitated goat was refitted with the head of a Bigfoot costume, is just a spark in the upcoming storm of marketing blitz Sony will be unleashing this summer, says Harrison.

“The next God of War installment is coming soon, and we have ads that will make the white PSP advert look tame.”

In addition to unrolling a host of new printed ads, including an image of Kratos circumcising Zeus, Harrison promises Sony events to further get us in the warring mood.

“The standard headless goat stunt we used for God of War 2 simply won’t impress any longer. I can’t give too much away, but I can mention that we have constructed a flesh and bones minotaur. →  Today I consider myself the luckiest reader on the face of the earth.

In the rain or in the snow

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The decade old Parappa the Rapper, which heralded the start of the rhythm game genre according to some accounts, will be ported to the PSP this July. This is good news for PSP owners because the beats are fly, the rhymes fresh, and the gameplay ill.

The downside is it’s still just a port, not a sequel. Particularly clever netizens have noticed the trend of publishers porting their old titles to the PSP and reworked the spelling of the handheld — Playstation PORTable. Get it? When you capitalize certain letters and not others, hilarity ensues.

After researching the catalogues of the PSP and the DS I’ve come to the conclusion that the DS has a decent number of ports on it as well (which reminds me, I want Theme Park). →  But the future refused to change.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.27.07

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Ken Kuraragi finally falls on his sword
I have called for Ken’s resignation many times, but like a president bombarded by calls to fire a cronie, end a war, step down, or learn to read Kutaragi has ignored me entirely. That is until yesterday. Ken has finally listened to my sharp criticism and based a life altering decision on it…or has he?

“And God said unto me, ‘Make thy console large, make it powerful, but above all else hold unto this truth: Make thy console expensive.'”

The Japanese, unlike Americans, have a thing they like to call sushi. This raw fish (California rolls don’t count, hippy) is symbolic of another concept we Americans lack – honor. For you see, in ancient Japan the sushi roller guy was thought to be the embodiment of the fisherman’s god, Zeus. →  Mrs. Article, you’re trying to seduce me.

Hotel rooms have an inordinate number of games

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I’m currently on a business trip selling whatever it is I sell. Last night, after billing every available adult film to my company, I found myself browsing the video game selection of the hotel TV system. Check out their GameCube collection:

Mario Kart
TMNT
SM Strikers
Mario Tennis
Mario Party 7
Backyard Baseball 07
Rogue Squadron 3
1080 Avalanche
Twilight Princess
Battalion Wars
Super Mario Sunshine
Tomb Raider
Mario Golf
Kirby Air Ride
Pokemon XD
Urbz
Animal Crossing
Rogue Squadron 2
Pokemon Colosseum
Mario Party 6
Ocarina of Time
Mario Party 5
Wave Racer
Luigi’s Mansion
Paper Mario 2
Metroid Prime 2
Pokemon Channel
Wario World
Custom Robo
Wario Ware Inc
Chibi-Robo
Wind Waker
Starfox Assault
Geist

The first thing that struck me was how their collection is better than mine. →  I’m so excited, my braces are tingling!

Xbox 360 loses a few exclusives / PS3 gains Chopin

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Namco’s Chopin themed RPG Trusty Bell and SCi’s almost biblical Kain & Lynch, both once 360 exclusives, are now coming to the PS3 as well. Sony naysayers (me) are now faced with acknowledging neither console is safe from losing exclusive titles. Third party publishers seem unsatisfied with their platform choices. The 360 failed to dominate the market during its year lead and is currently being outsold by the GBA in Japan and the PS3 is catching on slower than most anticipated, likely due to it being positioned as a meal at a fine restaurant in the back of a Mercedes that is for everyone. Publishers could go to Nintendo, but then their triple A games look like shit and are stuck on one platform, whereas a game developed on either of the other two could be easily ported. →  18 Wheeler American Pro Reader