Thinking about the Master System library

by

This post is unlikely to exist. If you’re reading it then it must, but just barely. I originally began writing about Saturn games that needed to be better than they were. That will still be written, I think. Then I decided I’d need to dig into the Genesis’ games to really figure out what happened between Sega’s most successful console and their first publically named planet console. But then it would be important to understand the Sega CD and even 32X. I still want to write about all these things 47 other people care about, all of them with strong opinions that contradict my own.

Moving back to the Master System seemed inevitable, but only after I decided I would write about it. I suppose inevitable things are always evitable at first and then something happens to make them into things that were always going to happen even though up until then they weren’t going to happen. →  Final Fantasy Mystic Post

Raging Loop – More Rage than Loop

by

It had been a while since I played a visual novel. Root Letter had left an unpleasant musty and earthy taste in my mouth, and only a crack gumshoe can predict when the next Jake Hunter will come out. Raging Loop has fairly good reviews and seemed somewhat well regarded by fans, who I learned too late I should deeply distrust because a huge swath of them are pervy weebs looking for hot anime girlfriends. Raging L, which I will hereby refer to as R Loop for brevity, is a horror themed Japanese visual novel with very limited gameplay – basically just selecting the answer to a question every hour or two. This is fine to me but may put off people who have played a video game or read a book. →  Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about huffing paint.

Wednesdays with Andrew – NiGHTS into Dreams

by

(For context, see the introduction to this series here.)

We’ve all seen movies, read stories, and played games where if you die in the game you die in real life. But where are the games that if you die in real life you die in the game? Sure there are some games where if you stop playing an enemy may kill you or, if for some reason you play multiplayer games, another human. But it’s not really the same. I propose a game that detects a lack of player input and then sends pop up boxes in game every four minutes asking if you are still alive. If you take more than ten seconds to confirm your existence, you die in game. This ensures that dying in real life does in fact kill you in game. →  Silent Post 2

Ads from Loser Companies

by

The early days of EGM (Electrical Gamers Magazine) were resplendent with ads from companies of ill repute, often advertising games that are remembered poorly if they are remembered at all. Perhaps ad buys were a few dollars because the magazine had just gotten started and had a readerbase as low as videolamer at its 2008 peak, or perhaps these companies were somehow flush from the bubble days of Famicom games selling well regardless of quality. I refuse to believe it could be both, so please do not consider it.

Our first ad is from a company called SETA. No, not SEGA, SERA. I mean SETA. This (SETA) Corporation developed the hits you know and love, like Magic Darts for NES and Strongest Habu Shogi on the GameCube. They did publish one or two interesting games, such as the following ad’s Musya. →  Read awhile, and listen.

Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord – More Mounts, More Blades, Less Fun

by

The original Mount & Blade was the very first game I wrote about on videolamer. I was really impressed by the sandbox approach it used. The world advances, in real time, as you move from place to place (in a kind of real-time-with-pause simulation style). This has been done before, for example in Uncharted Waters or the excellent Space Rangers series. Mount & Blade adds excellent combat mechanics that incentivized (but didn’t require) a shield and allowed for seamless, interesting mounted combat. It also brings in a character growth system that extends to companions in your party. While other games might see you becoming a “superman” in a few hours, in Mount & Blade you max out at “mighty” – and will always be vulnerable to an enemy’s morningstar or crossbow. →  Read Band 2

EGM Previews for Bad Games

by

In a recent post, I mentioned that EGM spent a good deal of time talking up obviously shitty games. Here is a short, mostly visual, follow up to that thesis. At least this first game made a great movie… to ridicule. But please don’t do that, I’ve copyrighted both ironic enjoyment and hipster condescension.

What a sweet follow up ad to the Hudson Hawk preview. The next preview is for a game I actually owned and played a lot of. It was bad but I was young so it was good. Street Smart had some mild RPG mechanics – if I recall, you gained a stat point or two after winning fights. Numbers (or, in this case, boxes) going up was and is human-nip for me.

Here is another Genesis game I played as a childish child. →  All this can be yours, if the read is right.

Politics, previews, and poppycock

by

Video game previews have always seemed primarily a marketing tool. I remember complaining about IGN previews in the aughts when the site, clearly a detached arm of publishers, would post sometimes a dozen preview articles on a big upcoming game. (Correction, I complained about a bunch of sites.)

Old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly had previews of games that range in tone from neutral to PR. The previews that read like marketing are interesting when contrasted with the constant bloviating the magazine did about being the only true, tell it like it is, in your face, no holds barred, Carlos-Mencia-style magazine on the market. If you’re over the age of 15 AND are not a fucking moron, you know that when people tell your their traits directly, they’re lying. The more EGM claimed to be objective, the more apparent their rave reviews of Bubsy were paid for. →  All I want for Christmas is my PSP.

Tuesdays (Wednesdays) with Morrie (Andrew)

by

My elderly (42) friend Morrie (Andrew) is dying (he is not) of cancer (massive hemorrhoids). Understandably, he (probably) came to me and said, “I cannot imagine the regret of leaving this world without becoming familiar with Sega’s legendary Saturn console.” I pointed out that the shame his family would endure would force them to leave the state because I don’t think he was fully considering the precariousness of his position. 

Luckily for Morrie (Andew), I am a very generous person living with some woman, three children, and an inordinate amount of free time. “Honey, the only time this man plays Saturn, let alone Sega CD Make My Video games, is when I invite him over promising to watch a movie he really wants to see and then forcing him to instead play old console games,” I considered saying. →  Tony Hawk’s Posting Ground

Rest in Peace, Kirk

by

videolamer has belatedly learned of the tragic shooting of an important warrior for Christianity who dedicated his life to helping Americans show us their smile again. It is with heavy heart that we must waste many minutes crying for Kirk Cameron, who was tragically gunned down in Utah in September. Though his mission seems to be over, I can guarantee that we are nowhere near the end. There are millions dedicated to his teachings and I promise you that the best is ready to begin.

When I look round at the other proud patriots I realize that as long as we’ve got each other, we will one day be victorious. The Globalists may seem to be in charge but I remind you, as Kirk Cameron often did, that Jesus has the world spinning right in his hands. →  Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing memory cards.

2005 – 2025: Taste Differences and Opinion Shifts, Part 2

by

Last post we brought you Cunzy and Chris’s’s comparisons of their 2005 versus 2025 tastes. Now, we bring you the Shaolin duo of Pat and Jay. Expect about 4,000% more discussion of Souls games and then be disappointed that somehow those games didn’t come up. Don’t you feel foolish? I do mention Shenmue, though.

Pat

In 2009 I began keeping a spreadsheet that tracks all the games I finish each year. Astute readers will note that 2009 happened after 2005, and conclude that I do not have a complete and accurate record of the games I played that year. My memory – I know where I lived at that time and can remember playing certain games there – and the internet provide some clues to what I was playing in or around 2005, and comparing what I think I was playing then to what I play today reveals more similarities than differences.  →  What is word? Baby don’t read me.