Articles

A call for womanly arms

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Any group put together by a company, whether it be New Kids on the Block or the Frag Dolls, should be highly respected.

Despite the Microsoft announcement at last E3 that women were going to be brought into the fold and the introduction of higher fines for scantily clad booth babes, women are still on the fringes of gaming. Slowly we approach equality, moving through the same motions as any fight for equality in any area.

First, there are the radical few. Small groups of women band together, screaming out that they are better than the boys. Thus the Frag Dolls and other such groups are born.

Next, comes the insistence that women are different and need games catered to them. Thus Barbie gaming is born. Barbie Fashion Designer actually outsold Mortal Kombat back in 1996 and broke every previous CD ROM sale record. Grrl Gaming becomes a thing in the early part of this century and then dies as Mattel buys out most of the creative stuff for girls out there. →  What is a post? A miserable little pile of secrets.

The Ethics of Farming part II

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Continued from yesterday’s part I…

  • If you buy gold, you support Chinese sweatshops.

You’d think people on computers made in Chinese sweatshops would catch the irony of their argument. They don’t though, know why? It’s because they don’t want Chinese people on their servers period. It isn’t about keeping the game servers clean of trouble, it’s about keeping out people who don’t speak English or live in a country they like. Here is the truth though. There are no gold farming Chinese sweat shops. I have spoken to gold farmers in person and in the game. I was curious about the way they operate so I am always asking questions. Here’s what I have learned. There are no sweatshops; the majority of the gold farmers are college students. They usually operate three or four in a company and alternate between classes and so on and so forth. They sell the gold and use it to live on. I know, I have seen it 1st hand. →  Beyond Read & Evil

The Ethics of Farming part I

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As someone who once used to rent the old school NES “cheats” videos (it’s how I learned to beat Castlevainia 2) I am not sure if I am the right person to talk about what is ethical in the gaming world. I will anyway though, so take that!

Anyone who has ever made it beyond level 10 in World of Warcraft knows that there are people in places usually not the US that grind away all day in game collecting items and gold (in game currency) to sell for real world currency. Big deal, right? Well here is what I think… No, it isn’t a big deal. Blizzard, in one of their more incandescent moments, decided to combat this by making the best in game items BOP, which means Bind on Pickup. So for example that really kick ass epic sword you found in Molten Core, yeah you can’t sell it in the Auction House for 5,000,000,000,000,000,000 Gold, because as soon as you loot it its soul bound to your character. →  Show me the reading!

Diablo Musings

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For the most part Diablo fans figured the series was dead, considering that the talent behind it had left for greener pastures.

Then BAM!

A Diablo 3?

Which is interesting, considering that Diablo wasn’t made by the standard Blizzard department that created Starcraft or Warcraft. In fact it was made by a separate Blizzard office, Blizzard North. Originally named Condor, Blizzard bought them out and renamed them to Blizzard North in 96, even though they had been contracted to start building Diablo a year earlier.

The three head honchos left Blizzard North due to strife with the parent company Vivendi over financial crap, typical corporate dicks screwing with the artists kind of thing. So they split and formed a new company which put out Guild Wars.

But it looks like Blizzard is going to do a Diablo 3 after all. I am unsure of what direction they will take it but with the loss of many of their old designers and talent I hope they will make it as similar to the originals as possible. →  Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Bore me and I sleep.

Idol Worship: Bo and Ippo

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An extension of the Best Game Ever column, this new space allows me to not just love and gush over my favorite games, but caress and manhandle some of the people who made my favorite games. An obvious first choice would be someone like Shigeru Miyamoto, Yuji Naka, Sid Meier, or Will Wright, but that wouldn’t be very exciting and where’s the elitism and snobbery in picking someone everyone already knows? Their days may still yet come in the pages of Idol Worship, but for now we will examine two little known composers who worked for Sega in their golden age, Tokuhiko Uwabo and Izuho Takeuchi, better known as Bo and Ippo (well, to me at least).

Sega, like Atari, refused to give credit to their staff well into the 90’s. That’s why these two composers are not usually credited by their real names and have become known to fans as Bo and Ippo. Sega eventually stopped being assholes, so we now have the real names of their old staff, but it is still problematic matching the names to their pseudonyms. →  Jet fuel can’t melt videolamer.

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Dear Brady Fiechter

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I can’t figure out why women characters are so shallow. Incidentally, here is our newest issue.

Dear Brady Fiechter,

In the January issue of Play magazine, you penned an article titled “A simple request, really…” In this wish of resolutions for the gaming industry, you called for female characters to receive “breast reductions” and character to be “written into our characters.” I share your hopes, but I do not go about the matter in the same way.

I employ more than your magazines current zero women, for example. I do not work for an editor who is portrayed as having women draped all over him with a smirk on his face, nor does my editor write reviews in which he names “breathtaking female lead,” or “ultra-hot leading lady” as one of only a few positive points.

My site does not currently have a sister publication that flaunts women from games as objects to be beat off to by teens who can’t get to real pornography. →  Speak softly and carry a big post.

Bad Design 2

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Last time I wrote one of these I said this entry would look at design flaws from Gladius, Second Sight and Kingdom Hearts. I hate to let down the droves of Second Sight fans, but this will have to wait until the third entry. Today I’ll be following in the strong tradition of the first article by covering a PC game, a console game and an older game. Also like last time, all are good or excellent games I highly respect. Now on to why they suck.
I want to be the Gentle Tom Boy, but it’s not on the list yet.

Tales of Symphonia: Excess Complications – I am a big fan of complex games. The more features and stats, the more I like a game, but even my madness has limitations. Tales has a few complications that I find excessive. The thing about excessiveness, though, is that if a feature is well implemented, if its placed into the gameplay nice and deep and it really matters, well then it isn’t excessive. →  Shadow of the Article

For absolutely no reason, here is Golden Axe

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I learned how to ride a bike at 13, so it should be no surprise that it’s 2006 and I have now had my first experience with a digital camera. At this rate, I’ll kiss a girl by the early 2060s. Sadly, I do not own the camera, it belongs to my girlfriend (I know, that could easily ruin the last joke, but luckily for us, and Jesus, we believe in no touch love) but that hasn’t stopped me from taking as many stupid pictures as possible. The first pictures I took were of my video game collection, my crotch (soon to be featured on this site), and then my Golden Axe machine.

Having an arcade machine in a small apartment sounds like a great idea, but is it really? That depends on why you want it and how much effort you’re willing to put into the hobby. Prepare yourself for a tale of over ambition, poverty and sloth.

One day a few months ago, a coworker showed me an ad on Craigs List. →  The Adventures of Cookie and Read

Atheists case made for them

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50 Cent’s new game Bulletproof has sold over a million copies. I have not played the game, but despite this I will say it is bad. I wasted hours of my life watching Battlefield Earth just to be “objective” and guess what, everyone else was right. Bulletproof has bad to terrible reviews so I’m running with the idea that it sucks.

So what does this tell us about the industry, and if I can editorialize wildly and blow things hugely out of proportion, life itself? It says that image is not just 100% of what people look for because that implies a neutral stance towards knowledge. It implies people go out of their way to ignore reality, fight to maintain ignorance and probably should not be given the right to vote for their leaders.

When games like Psychonauts, Eternal Darkness, Ico, and Beyond Good and Evil have trouble selling thousands and pieces of crap like Bulletproof sell millions, you know that one of two things is true:

  • Whatever religion you believe in is a cruel joke.
 →  READ3R

Huge percentage of women cut from the video game industry

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A booth babe working hard to make this loser believe she gives a shit about posing with him.

This year the Nazis at E3 have decided on a new rule for booth babes. “Material, including live models, conduct that is sexually explicit and/or sexually provocative, including but not limited to nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms, are prohibited [at] the Show.” This means that if there even are booth babes at E3, they will be dressed like your mom (no, not your mom, Billy).

These women, these booth babes, are role models for young girls who dream of making it into an industry dominated by men. Even feminists applauded the booth babes’ efforts to shatter the glass ceiling with their large breasts, and feminists hate everything. But these women can always get a job at Hooters, the real victims of this tragedy are two more important section of society: men and children.

I won’t be able to attend this years E3 (prior engagement) and quite frankly, I think it’s better this way. →  I got served!