Reviews

Review – Phantasy Star 2

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The layer of pipes obscures your vision in dungeons. At least it looks stupid.

A little over a year ago, I attempted to play through the original Phantasy Star. It was a trying experience, considering there is little in the way of direction or newbie-friendliness in the game. In the end, cuddlier JRPGs prevailed and I lost interest shortly after recruiting Noah.

Last month, I finished a play-through of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and was looking for something else to play. I checked the Wii Shop, expecting once again to find an update with two, maybe three bland-looking clones of games already on VC. “Hmm”, I thought. “Phantasy Star 2…” a quick check around had me somewhat concerned. Most of my friends who enjoyed the Phantasy Star series told me not to even try. I shrugged and figured that if nothing else, my 800 Wii Points (which are no doubt all the more valuable due to the declining dollar and the burgeoning economy of Wiiville) will have gone to support classic RPGs. →  Fire Post Wrestling Returns

Review – Lost: Via Domus

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This game is horrible.

I could finish the review there but I think I really need the warped therapy that you can only get by ripping into a game that’s tormented you for a week. Not one aspect of this game is redeemable (except maybe the easy 1000 gamer points — but even then I feel cheap). From inception to execution I can’t believe that Ubisoft Montreal had anything to do with this poor excuse for digital entertainment. On top of that, I can’t believe that ABC and the show’s writers signed off on it. Scratch that; I can totally believe ABC signed off on it. I’m a pretty big fan of Lost, the second season was less-than-stellar but I think the writers really picked it up during the latter half of the third season and aren’t showing any signs of slowing down this year. I could have given the game a little leeway if it at least had some interesting plot elements that tied into the series but there’s just nothing here that warrants anyone’s time. →  Ask not for whom the game plays, it plays for thee.

Review – Flash Focus

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Like smoking crack and murdering people, I don’t like MMORPG’s, even though I’ve never tried them. I think the reason can be traced back to the first one I can remember: Ultima Online. In the abject depression of my teenage years, when I spent most of my time in a filthy basement (oh wait, that’s still what I do), I had a friend who would spend all day training his Ultima Online character in the the most insidiously boring fashion. Hitting the attack button over and over for hours and days did not seem fun to me, and I felt like its eventual reward was not rewarding enough to warrant so much tedium.

I must admit that this boredom-reward trade-off has lured me in at times: almost every Final Fantasy game I’ve played hooked me because the intricate plotlines made up for all that dull hitting of the attack button. In fact, it’s safe to say that this strategem has hooked gamers for decades, and will continue to do so. →  Destroy All Articles! 2

Review – Sins of a Solar Empire

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Real Time Strategy games have been somewhat dormant in the past few years. The big expectation, of course, is that Starcraft 2 will re-energize the genre and spawn another wave of imitators. The 4X genre, on the other hand, has been bolstered by Galactic Civilization 2 and is being “dumbed down” for the widely anticipated Civilization Revolutions, due out in June. Speaking of Civ, Beyond the Sword, while excellent, is horribly buggy and has been heavily neglected and unsupported by Firaxis. Seriously, Firaxis, you guys are sell-out assholes, and I will continue to call you out until you patch BTS properly instead of cashing in on Civ Rev.

In the meantime, to satiate your 4X and RTS desires all at once, we have Sins of a Solar Empire, the first of its kind: a 4X RTS. As promised by marketing hype, this hybrid gives you the combat of a an RTS game combined with a robust tech tree and empire management typically expected of a 4X game. →  Actraiser Readnaissance

Review – Gain Ground

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When Virtual Console was first announced, I have to admit I was really optimistic. I was looking forward to playing several of my favorite classics without having to hook up a half-dozen consoles. For those who hadn’t played them, well, they’d get to enjoy what I did. I am still a big proponent of what Virtual Console can do, but now my original optimism has been lost. I just don’t have the willpower to replay many old games I liked – only the best, if they do get released – but I find that it is a great way to experience the ones I missed.

Four days ago, I had never heard of Gain Ground. On Saturday, a friend recommended it to me when he saw the list of games on VC. I bought it and started playing… and I didn’t stop until I beat it. Oh sure, I was playing on Easy – and the game’s not incredibly long – but I was completely absorbed for an hour and a half. →  What is word? Baby don’t read me.

Review – Mass Effect Downloadable Content: Pack #1

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Mass Effect is one of the best games I’ve played in recent years. The intricate character development, the beauty of the various worlds, the epic music, the quality voice work … fantastic. I’ve already played through the game twice and I can’t wait for the sequel (which was just made official). So naturally I leapt at the chance to get some filler content with the first DLC pack “Bring Down the Sky”: a 400 point ($5) roughly ninety minute add-on with an additional fifty achievement points thrown in.

Before I get to talking about what I thought went wrong with the pack, I just want to say that I loved playing it as much as the rest of the game. If you were a fan of the original it’s exactly the quality you’d expect from BioWare, but this side quest is given the same cinematic treatment that only the main plot missions had the first time. Not to mention that for $5 you get an hour and a half of entertainment that’s far better than most current movies (I’m looking at you Witless Protection). →  READ3R

Review – Professor Layton and the Curious Village

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As the perpetually annoying sidekick Luke’s cockney accent will quickly inform you at the start of the game, Professor Layton and the Curious Village tells the story of the eponymous Professor Layton, renowned puzzle solver, and his apprentice Luke as they investigate the death of the Baron Reinhold in the curious village of St. Mystere (I hear that’s heavy-handed-plot-device-ese for “mystery”). More specifically, Layton is tasked with settling the Baron’s will and finding the enigmatic “golden apple” it references.

Getting to the bottom of this riddle will require interacting with the various townsfolk of St. Mystere– sounds easy, right? Only one one little problem, the people of St. Mystere just love puzzles, and if you want to get anyone to do anything for you chances are you’re going to have to solve a puzzle for them first.
Professor Layton wants *you* to solve more puzzles… and join the Army.

Need to get across a river? Solve a puzzle. Glass of milk? →  The King of Articles 2002: Unlimited Match

Review – Spider-Man: Friend or Mere Acquaintance

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In another installment in my untimely series on finding something to hate while surrounded by the best games in years, here’s another look at games that ate shit in 2007.

Until recently, the Spider-Man franchise had been the only comic book license that somewhat translated into an enjoyable gaming experience. Next Level Games, a company that specializes in cramming a licensed properties into games that have nothing to do with the license they are based on, must have won some sort of raffle to be awarded the development of Friend or Foe. Any company that works solely in licensed games is going to suck worse than a circus put on by disabled veterans. Anyone who tells you different is Next Level Games.

Now That's Amore!

With hands full of cash and laps full of stripper, Next Level Games didn’t waste time on relating this game to the movie or even comic when they had already developed what I can only assume would have been called Mario Strikers Love Corndogs if Nintendo had called them first. →  Words are the towns and cities of letters.

Review – Call of Duty 4 Multiplayer

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Throughout the history of Xbox Live there have been several games that have been the most played at any given time, but no one had a doubt as to which would eventually become the undisputed champion. Nothing, it seemed, could top Halo 3. Now here we are, in the month of March, and Halo 3 is in an almost weekly battle for number one. Its competition is one of the top games of 2008, a title that was a guaranteed success, but which no one thought would become a viable contender against Bungie’s Goliath. That game, of course, is Call of Duty 4, and after just a couple of rounds of play you will see what the fuss is about.

Developer Infinity Ward has been making quality multiplayer games since the original Call of Duty – CoD 3 was made for multiplayer enhancements more than anything. This time they have outdone themselves by offering one of the most complete experiences on any platform. →  Show me the reading!

Review – Call of Duty 4 Single Player

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Like so many other people in the gaming world, I must admit that I like Call of Duty 4’s Single Player campaign a hell of a lot. There are the usual reasons, such as its high level of polish and a well built game engine, but the bottom line is that COD4 is one of the few modern shooters that both understands and implements the storytelling techniques of Half Life 2. This is important not only because it can make for a great experience, but it shows that Infinity Ward truly is a premiere developer, one who understands what a shooter can (and sometimes should) do.

When I discuss the “Half Life 2” way of doing things, I am referring to that game’s ability to use scripted scenes and setpieces from start to finish, and somehow make them feel like a massive, detailed, living world. It strings you along a very tight, very linear path, but if you wind up under its spell, you feel as if that path is the most natural and logical choice. →  Ridge Reader V