Editorials

Here is where we weigh in on all of the important issues that effect today’s world. There are so many things to complain about: developers, publishers, retailers, other gamers, the market as a whole, gaming technology, gaming related technology, gaming politics, gaming court cases, Japan, trends, current events, past events, future events and bioterrorism. We won’t silence an opinion just because it’s “unpopular” or “poorly reasoned,” so you can be sure we will always present at least one side of an issue. Think of us as the Fox News of gaming.

Testers Wanted

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I have seen very little sunlight over the past few days because of a game called Civilization 4. It’s still unclear whether it is an improvement for the series or if it beats the almighty Alpha Centuari, but it is damned good fun and super addictive. Because I NEED to keep playing, its technical flaws really get under my skin. I’m not talking about lacking textures, low polygon counts or jagged edges. The Play disc being mislabeled is just a hint of the upcoming misery that many gamers have suffered through to get their Civ fix.

My computer is above the minimum requirements, yet there is still a massive slowdown with the graphics set to the lowest level. Sometimes the game stalls for a solid 2 or 3 minutes. →  Readalations: Persona

Working Designs meets their Designer

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“First of all, sorry for being incommunicado for such a long time. It’s been a busy time, as you’ll see.

There’s no easy way to say it, so I just will. Working Designs is gone. All the staff has been laid off and the office is closed and has been for some time. Yes, the website is still here, and I am going to do my best to keep it tucked away somewhere on the ‘net so it doesn’t become an illicit domain. (Of course, some of the haters may be of the mind that it’s been illicit all along, heh!).

The most frustrating part of all of this is that I know that our fanbase is still there. Growlanser Generations sold well, but of course not better than it would have sold as two separate titles.

 →  Xenosaga 2: Jenseits von Gut und Pöst

Media Station 363

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It’s said that Americans want everything in a single package. We want a machine that chops, dices, blends, cooks, roasts, minces, and purees. We want a lawn tool that cuts, mows, prunes, digs, weeds, and buries bodies. The Japanese, however, supposedly want specific devices for each thing. They would rather own more things, each doing what they are designed for very well. I agree with the Japanese; I do not want a cell phone that takes pictures. I want a cell phone that has a long battery life, gets great reception and has clear sound. I do not want a dolly that is also a hand truck, a step ladder land a flatbed cart. Actually, I probably don’t really want any dolly. →  Monster Reader 4

Tech guinea pig

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You have likely heard of the two technologies fighting for space in our computer drives and movie players: HD DVD and Blu Ray. Toshiba is the driving force of the former and Sony and Panasonic the defenders of the latter. The HD DVD is cheaper to produce and may be more easily compatible with todays technology but the Blu Ray holds more and is the better technology. But this isn’t a tech article, that would be too useful. If you want to read more about the technology read something like this.

Both formats have a large number of companies behind them. Big movie corporations are on both sides, Apple and Dell are backing the Blu Ray and now Microsoft and Intel have come out in favor of the HD DVD. →  May God smite me if I stop reading here!

Micro Madness

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The Game Boy Micro is stupid and anyone who denies it is a biased fanboy (as opposed to the more objective fanboy) or a Nintendo employee. The first problem a consumer will notice is the systems price. A hundred bucks for something you probably already have a different version of?

The next obvious problem is the tiny screen. I already have trouble playing action games on my GBA-SP because the screen isn’t very big. The tiny screen is a part of the overall tiny system. This is the major selling point but it’s also one of the best reasons not to buy one. The GBA-SP already hurts my hands. If the SP is designed for Japanese fingers then the Micro is design for Japanese ants’ fingers. →  Castle Readigami 2

UAT ads must die

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For the last few months, Game Developer magazine has included ads for the University of Advancing Technology among its otherwise respectable pages. The UAT is an accredited school that offers degrees in game design and other audio/visual fields. The University of Advancing Technology also has the worst advertising I’ve seen in a long time. Their ads appear to be directly aimed towards stupid people, which is a problem because they are advertising courses in game development and we don’t want any more stupid developers making games.

The first example of their atrocious campaign says this –

“Without guys like me, you’d still be playing Pong.”

The quote is attributed to some undergraduate but is probably made up (which actually makes it a lie since it has quotes around it.) →  Games are the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions.

Best Game Ever – Sword of Vermilion

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Developed by Sega (possibly AM2)
Published by Sega for the Sega Genesis
Released 1989

You know why the videogames of yesteryear are better than the games today: Simplicity. I find myself taking frequent breaks from the overly done games of today to play a game on my old Sega Genesis. After all, why watch hours of passive cut scenes in Resident Evil or Onimusha when I can jump on turtle shells, fall into never ending pits of death or practice killing vampires in the luscious 2D side scrollers I loved as a child? Games made more sense then than the games of today. They were simple. Shoot bubbles at enemies, pop them. Eat the crystals or Cakes that drop and keep going until your rescue your woman. →  [do not click]

Bad Design 1

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This column looks at design flaws in popular games. Nearly all of the examples of poor design are from games that are either good or great, so don’t assume we are picking on these games solely because they suck and it’s fun to make fun of crap. Perhaps it is the games’ quality that makes identifying one specific design flaw so easy. The flaws are also not unique the only these games; hopefully each specific game we examine will hold a flaw that is common in many other games, some sort of universal design flaw. This will ultimately make the column much more valuable than if it were just a place to piss on a game for a specific and unique quirk. →  Drakenread 2

Dear EA

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Dear Electronic Arts,

On June 28th, Frank Gibeau told Next Generation, “It’s really hard to think of new ideas.” Perhaps it’s only because I’m a genius, but I come up with new ideas all the time. I have enclosed two new game concepts for your consideration. A resume is not included because these designs speak for themselves.

Library Simulator – Build the library of your dreams. Decide the layout, build improvements, and take down unused wings. Hire staff to keep peace, shelve books, and keep the patrons quiet. Choose amongst dozens of librarians, each with their own special talents and interests. Develop the collection to best suit your demographic, or attempt to move the library in a new direction and capture more demographics. →  Europa Universalis IV: Articles of War

Concerned Citizen

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Grand Theft Auto 3 has come under a lot of heat because of the Hot Coffee mod, which allows the player to have polygonal sex with his video game girlfriend. GameStop, crusader for freedom Jack Thompson, and Hillary Clinton are among those who have lined up against Rock Star for making such an immoral product. Murdering prostitutes is questionable behavior, but having sexual intercourse is just ethically wrong so I, too, decided to share my discontent… but in the most positive way possible, by thanking those retailers who pulled the game from their shelf. Enjoy.

Thank you for being a family friendly store. Capitalism will never work if we just allow people to buy whatever they want. We need more huge corporations to stand up to products Jesus wouldn’t like and say, “No. →  Genghis Khan II: Clan of the Gray Post