Editorials

Here is where we weigh in on all of the important issues that effect today’s world. There are so many things to complain about: developers, publishers, retailers, other gamers, the market as a whole, gaming technology, gaming related technology, gaming politics, gaming court cases, Japan, trends, current events, past events, future events and bioterrorism. We won’t silence an opinion just because it’s “unpopular” or “poorly reasoned,” so you can be sure we will always present at least one side of an issue. Think of us as the Fox News of gaming.

E3 sheds light on consoles shortcomings

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E3 not only showed us what to crap our pants in excitement and anticipation over, but also the things that will surely disappoint. After hearing about each of the new generation of systems I have compiled a list of one or two major complaints about each.

Sony’s Ken Kutaragi has said that people who buy the PS3 will have HDTVs. He has also called the system the Cadillac of game systems. He may have missed the fact that the Play Station line has been so successful because it was marketed and sold to the casual gamer. I have no cute anecdote for the PS2, but the PS1 sold better than the Saturn in Japan despite the fact that Saturn software outsold PS software. →  Are anyone else’s nipples hard?

An E3 for the proletariat: Console wars and Wii hands on

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The big thing, of course, at this year’s E3 was the console showdown. First, you have the second generation of Xbox360 games, which look to be, as expected, a vast improvement over the first generation. Next, you have the PS3, which, frankly, looks unimpressive. And last, of course, is the Wii. As I started writing this, I was standing in a line so long for the Wii that if the damn thing doesn’t make my dick grow two inches and women love me even more, it was a waste of time.

I’d like to touch on the upcoming price war, and wonder what the fuck Sony is thinking. Sony has always been positioned as the Cadillac of systems, targeting adults focuses on superior performance and typically a very robust game offering. →  SaGa Frontier Readmastered

An E3 for the proletariat: Impressions Part 2

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As last time, coverage is by our street team of Golden Jew, Horatio, Noah and Ben.

World of Warcraft (PC)
At this point, you probably know all the data you need to from the internet, so I’ll focus on some chats I had with one of the Blizzard reps that was patrolling their demo area. When I asked what he was most excited about in the expansion, he said sockets. My main question was if sockets would be more helpful than most current end game crafting (ie, everything but alchemy except for resist gear), and he said for sure. He also indicated they will be adding to end game crafting in the expansion.

I asked about release dates for Naxxramas and the expansion, and all he would say for Naxx was “Summer.” →  Xenosaga 2: Jenseits von Gut und Pöst

An E3 for the proletariat: Impressions Part 1

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Compiled by Golden Jew, Horatio, Noah and Ben, Videolamer’s field reporters.

Dynasty Warriors Vol 2 (PSP)
I liked this game quite a bit. I was a huge fan of the Dynasty Warriors series on the PS2 till I realized every game was exactly the same. After my 1,000,000 kill (Cao Cao: Truly, you are a brave warrior! And you have no life!) I burnt out. However, I was really impressed with the PSP version of this game. Gameplay was the norm in terms of hacking things to pieces (repetitive, yet strangely fun). What was very cool is that the battle system is a large grid shaped specially for each campaign and that each army (some computer controlled, and one led by you, naturally the most productive one) moves about. →  Prince of Postia: Article Within

Only Bill Gates can afford a PS3

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$500 for a stripped down system? And if I save up after buying it I still can never have all the features the full $600 version has? When Phillips launched the CD-i at $800 it was clear they were insane. The PS3 will be cheaper but not by enough to make it clear that Sony are in their right mind.

Sony justifies the cost by saying there is a Blu Ray player in the system. Guess who designed the console. No, it wasn’t me. It was Sony. So they decided to put a Blu Ray player in the system. The Blu Ray players cost a thousand dollars so we are all getting a great buy, Sony says. If the PS4 comes attached to a Lexus and sells for 30 grand Sony will praise the system for being much cheaper than a Lexus without the PS4. →  Frankly my dear, I don’t read a damn.

Oblivion, breasts, the ESRB and you

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Another video game character with average proportions.

 

As I write this article, I am playing a few bouts of King of Fighters ’99. Oh how simple it was back then. Just a collection of sprites, no nude codes or hacking or anything profane, aside from the odd Mai animation.

These days things are a bit different. We have PC’s for modding, and a larger fanbase of gamers and developers who don’t know when to quit. In case you’re wondering, I am referring to the changing of Oblivion’s rating from Teen to Mature due to the discovery of topless female models (and also due to more violence and gore than previously thought, but I call BS on that). If you are to read all of the opinions and news posts about this, then all of the following are true:

– The “mod” uses data that Bethesda already put in the game. →  All the lonely gamers, where do they all belong?

An E3 for the proletariat

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E3 is fast approaching. I won’t be going this year but two of our senior staff (a position I just made up) will be there. Due to chemical imbalances, I tend to tire of reading about E3 if I’m not going myself. Game sites are completely saturated with E3 info and I get bitter about not being there so I say screw it, I don’t want to know.

With this in mind, we have decided to make this E3 the E3 of the people. If you want to read about a specific game, company, talent, genre or anything else, let us know and we will cover it in as much depth as possible. You may not be able to go to E3, but we can go for you. →  Shining Post: Legacy of Great intention

To buy or not to buy?

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The Xbox 360 is now abundantly available at whatever retailer you choose to support.

What I’m saying is, right now, you can walk into your local wherever and purchase a brand new Xbox 360. No eBay, no scalpers, no friend of a friend. Just plain old retail. The question right now, is of course, should you buy an Xbox 360? Is availability enough? Do you climb Mount Everest just because it’s there?

That’s a question you’ll have to answer.

Also, there are a few things you need to consider before you buy your 360.

Look at the games, first of all. Is there anything there that you have to play? Anything there that isn’t already multiplatform. Will you no longer possess the will to live if you cannot play RockStar Games presents Table Tennis? →  Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing memory cards.

Naming the Revolution

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The Nintendo Revolution still lacks an official name. Nintendo will likely rename the console in May at E3, but chances are they’ll come up with a less than stellar moniker. Luckily, I am here to suggest names that are sure to be winners in the court of public opinion. Of course I’ll expect royalties.

Gamecube 2 – The most obvious and worst choice. Similar to Sony renaming the Blu Ray discs BETA Max 2.

Nintendo 540 – The new Xbox thinks it’s xtreme and in your face, but a 360 is a pretty easy move in most new extreme sports other than freestyle walking. Besides, a 360 leaves you facing the exact same direction you were prior to the move, which explains why the new Xbox is also tanking in Japan. →  Today I consider myself the luckiest reader on the face of the earth.

A rant about fanboys

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He shaves his head because he's mostly bald

Microsoft’s J Allard is paid to be a fanboy. For no extra cost, he is also a tool.

Fanboys remind me of the villain from the Serenity movie. He was sharp and eloquent but also utterly and completely blind. His faith was clearly proven wrong by the reality before his eyes, but rather than rethink his faith, he simply changed his perception of reality. Intelligent people who believe weird or extreme things are very dangerous because they’re able to make their faith sound rational. Thus, a fanboy is a force to be reckoned with. A forum of onlookers is often persuaded by a fanboy’s arguments, much like an intelligent design proponent can easily confuse and place doubt in the heads of smart, rational people. →  Show me the reading!