The Nintendo Revolution still lacks an official name. Nintendo will likely rename the console in May at E3, but chances are they’ll come up with a less than stellar moniker. Luckily, I am here to suggest names that are sure to be winners in the court of public opinion. Of course I’ll expect royalties.
Gamecube 2 – The most obvious and worst choice. Similar to Sony renaming the Blu Ray discs BETA Max 2.
Nintendo 540 – The new Xbox thinks it’s xtreme and in your face, but a 360 is a pretty easy move in most new extreme sports other than freestyle walking. Besides, a 360 leaves you facing the exact same direction you were prior to the move, which explains why the new Xbox is also tanking in Japan. Nintendo can show the kids that it can be more to the max than Microsoft and also hint that they’re taking gaming in a new direction with a catchy name like 540.
Game Pyramid – May require some slight alterations to the consoles case, but Nintendo and MS have both proven shapes are sure sellers.
DS2 – This name takes advantage of the DS currently running the Japanese government. It is grossly misleading but then so is naming every RPG named Final Fantasy.
Nintendo Otter – Will please under water life fans and those still waiting for the Dolphin.
NES V – Similar to the DS2 name, but sounds a little less like PS2. It is also a call back to Nintendo’s hay day before the US government realized their third party policy was illegal. Plus, it’s two more than any other next gen system.
Project Point – Everyone loves alliteration, and this name is pretty accurate. If we’re going to have to see hundreds of more Nintendo ads with people posing and pointing they might as well come clean: it’s not a Revolution, it’s pointing.
Nintendo 125,829,120 – Forget 3, 5, and all other tiny numbers. If Nintendo wants to counter the claims that the Revolution is weak hardware wise, they only need to name the console after the amount of RAM it has. People will come to respect the system’s might after saying “Nintendo one hundred twenty five million, eight hundred twenty nine thousand, one hundred and twenty” a few times. Also, it’s 125,829,117 more than those other systems.
Nintendo Evolution – Not a bad sounding name and possibly the closest to the truth in describing the system. Fear a backlash in Kansas.