Year: 2007

Sony sends IGN a Reviewing Guide for Lair, IGN realizes the folly of its ways

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Wow, how arrogant can someone be? Completely ignoring the fact that every single review for Factor 5’s monumental disaster says the same exact thing (god-awful motion controls with the SIXAXIS), Sony has issued a Lair Reviewer’s Guide for IGN, stating, in cold-hard PR-speak, that they are not playing the game properly, and that they need to open their minds and “hands for something very different!”.

Now, I could understand if Nintendo was the one doing this, as there have been many times where a Wii game would get the lowest scores possible on one site, while it had higher than average scores on another, depending on if the reviewer understood how to use the game’s motion controls. That I could understand. But because Sony is doing it, I can’t help but think this is more of a publicity stunt than anything.

Sony didn’t make this to teach the reviewer how to play the game, they did it to make them look like asses. →  Uncharted Waters: New Horeadin’s

The Hardware Honeymoon Is Over, Bring On The Games!

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I just took a quick peek at the Japanese console sales charts and I think it is safe to say that the newness is starting to fade from this generation of consoles. This is by no means a doom and gloom statement, it just means that now some game developers need to step up to the plate and convince people to buy into all of the new hardware floating around.

Microsoft will again be the loser in the Japanese console market. The Xbox 360 just does not have titles that Japanese people are interested in. Halo 3 will most definitely boost sales in the United States and Europe but not many Japanese gamers play Halo. I am positive I will be able to walk into any store here on the day Halo 3 is released and walk out with a copy of the game if I so desired. It is a shame for MS that they can’t find some way to connect with the inhabitants of this little island country because the 360 is a very solid console. →  It was the best of games, it was the worst of games

Retrospective – Metroid Prime 2

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Continuing our look at the fabled Metroid Prime series, we now delve into Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. It’s a common occurrence in the video game medium that a franchise peaked early in its life time. When a game is as stellar as the first Metroid Prime, it’s going to be very hard to create something better. And this is an apt description of Echoes. It’s definitely a good game, but sadly, with nothing new to show, and a few problems introduced, Echoes doesn’t live up to expectations.

In this installment, Samus has accepted a request to find a missing Galactic Federation starship that was last heard from while hunting down a Space Pirate frigate above the planet Aether. All communications with the GF starship have been lost since then. Not one to pass up easy money, Samus accepts the mission and travels to Aether, but as she enters the atmosphere, a virulent electrical storm damages her gunship, leaving her stranded on Aether until her ship repairs itself. →  Games are the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions.

Dreamcast Mania!: What did we miss? – Headhunter

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What Happened?: Headhunter was supposed to come out at the tail end of the Dreamcast’s life. It still did – in Europe. Its US cancellation was a big enough deal for IGN’s Dreamcast channel to review the import, meaning it was as important to them as Shenmue 2. Eventually Americans got a chance to play it on the PS2.

The Game: Allow me to get bold and assertive for a minute. 1998 was the beginning of a new little period in which a flurry of Important Games were released. They reinvented series, changed genres, and refined 3d game design. It ended with the release of Halo in 2001. It isn’t that innovation or good games ended there, its just that, six years later, we’re still copying Halo’s formula. Where we once only had Metal Gear Solid for stealth and Medal of Honor for WW2 shooters, we now have countless games in each genre. We rebuilt some franchises, and then franchised the fuck out of the rest. →  Assassin’s Read

Fishing for Quarters – Remembering arcades

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Being a kid of the Eighties and Nineties, I spent a ton of time feeding quarters into arcade games. We at videolamer may rain praise upon our little console buddies but we rarely talk about their much larger, and these days dumber, brothers, the arcade machines. If it were not for these coin-gobbling behemoths, consoles would not exist. There would be no Pac-Man to munch on stuff, missiles to command, or Tron…to do whatever it is that Tron does.

We owe a lot to these big guys and sadly, like all overly-huge things such as woolly mammoths, dinosaurs, Sony, the RIAA, and The Ultimate Warrior, they are becoming extinct. Not many people visit arcades these days, and for good reason. What was once a bustling, multi-genre industry has deteriorated into a handful of companies making fighting games, shooting games, racing games, and beat games. Consider this my tribute to a more innocent and carefree time.

All of my life I have liked video games. →  Who is that standing behind you?

Time Bomb

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Time Magazine on the third of the Halos. As popular as the games are, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone in the manistream press splooge quite like this over them. Actually, let’s slow down there – this may actually be a good thing. For once, a game other than Mario is on the cover a major magazine, Time magazine of them all. That’s a pretty good step for our hobby. Yes, the author gets very deep and melodramatic about the game’s Gregorian Chants and phrases such as The Pillar or Autumn, things that I find more pretentious than actually tasteful. But again – its better than calling us a bunch of kids right?

No. This is not a good thing, in fact I think this hurts gamers. A few reasons why.

– The author compares Halo to such things as Austen, Wagner and fucking Piranesi. That’s ridiculous, but again, I’ll choke it down. But he mentions all of these things in the same paragraph in which Cortana is depicted as “a sexy hologram”. →  May God smite me if I stop reading here!

The REAL reason Rockstar wanted an AO rating for Manhunt 2

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Ever since Manhunt 2 received an abominable AO rating, therefore banning it in every country except the Netherlands (those lucky bastards), I’ve been wondering what would compel Rockstar and, to a much greater extent, TakeTwo to greenlight this kind of game.

They must have seen the signs that it would probably get more than a Mature rating. I’m sure some of the details are debatable, but once you get into the realm of debate, you’re asking for trouble.

But then I realized something. I know why Rockstar made Manhunt 2 so gory. It’s because Suda 51, the man behind the upcoming adult Wii game, No More Heroes, championed the fact that his game will be more violent than Manhunt 2. I’m sure the moment Rockstar heard that, they went straight back to the drawing board and added as much gruesome content as their troubled psyches could muster.

“Oh no you don’t,” one of the Rockstar designers probably said. “You’re not going to steal our reputation for destroying our children’s youth.” →  Sounds mildly entertaining, I guess.

Xbox 360 demo roundup!

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I have no idea if this will be a regular thing. Depends on how many demos come out on a weekly basis. In any case, enjoy this roundup of recent demos.

SKATE – Jay tells me I’m not allowed to like this one because its name is SKATE. Also it is by EA. I don’t really give a damn. If you want to bury Tony Hawk into the ground, this is the way to do it. SKATE opts for a more realistic skating experience, without being too realistic. One joystick manages your body, the other the skatebaord itself. Most moves involve simple flicks of the joystick in various directions, in some facsimile of the motions for performing that trick on a real board. Grinds will vary depending on what angle you approach a rail from. Manuals require very gentle application of the stick. Execution is also critical – press X to gain speed, but press X hard and with a rhythm to gain even more speed. →  Speak softly and carry a big post.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.31.07

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Nintendo stops whoring out Metroid, or at least Retro stops
Please, let Retro make a game it wants to make. I know you own them and want to assign them to a franchise because franchises make all the bling, but it’s really not in your (my) best interest. You have no “mature” themed franchises left, unless you’re giving them the next console Zelda. An excellent developer like Retro also deserves to be rewarded – let them design a game from the ground up. It could be dark, with nudity and blood everywhere. Perhaps bloody nipples. You know, mature.

You would get what you need out of them – an awesome title for the older gamer who is too insecure to play something cute and candy colored. Retro would get what (I assume) they want – the chance to make a game without being assigned 75% of the design.

I know you aren’t Nintendo, reader. Addressing you as if you were was some sort of literary device, possibly onomatopoeia. →  Are you ready for some readball?

Dreamcast Mania! – Canceled games: Came out on other consoles

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Finally, the much requested follow up to the canceled Dreamcast games deal I wrote a few weeks ago. For those who missed the first, I am taking a look at games that were slated to be released for Sega’s last system that got the axe for one reason or another (well, probably for the very specific reason that the console was discontinued). Special thanks to Christian for handling a few of these. Even I get tired of making stuff up about games I’ve never heard of.

Super Monkey Ball
What was it?
The first game in the best monkey based Marble Madness clone series.

Would it have been good?
The game didn’t rely on great graphics and the Cube version was indeed fun. It would have been an excellent Dreamcast game.

Would it have sold?
Not as well as it did because the Dreamcast simply didn’t sell as well, but yes, it would have sold nicely.

Would it have come out? →  The Adventures of Cookie and Read