Year: 2007

Xbox Live Demo Roundup 2

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Another week, another batch of new and slightly stale demos to read about….

    Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground

– It probably isn’t coincidence that this one lands the week that SKATE comes out. It looks like in typical fashion, gamers are drawing the line in the sand before releases even occur. The SKATE demo was so good that people are getting hours of entertainment from it, which bodes quite well for the full retail product. Because of this, some already declare Tony dead. THPS loyalists say they are unimpressed by SKATE’s controls and are more comfortable with their failsafe. Personally, I think anyone who doesn’t like the SKATE approach is either simply bad at it, or can’t really appreciate the essence of the sport as much as they can million point combos. But being an long time THPS’er I had to give this one a shot.

It sure looks nicer than the PS2 iterations. Beyond that however its the same damn game I played in American Wasteland. →  Snap! Crackle! Read!

Dreamcast Mania! – Canceled games: Forever Denied

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Over the last few weeks I wrote about two categories of canceled Dreamcast games, those that were PC ports trying to eke out a living on Sega’s machine and those that quickly found a new home on a competing console. In the final installment of this series I take a look at the most tragic of canceled games – games that gamers never got a chance to play.

Castlevania Resurrection

What was it?
This game was slated to be the third 3D Castlevania and star Sonia and Victor Belmont. The plot line was the standard Dracula-has-returned nonsense; if you’re one of the 36 people on earth who care about the story arcs in Castlevania, please let me know, it would be an honor to meet you. More importantly, Sonia was set to sport a very short skirt and wield a whip.

Would it have been good?
Some people are big fans of the 3D Castlevania games. I am not one of them and thus find it difficult to even pretend to objectively answer this question. →  Tony Hawk’s Pro Reader 3

EA Tiburon shows us why Madden sucks

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Apparently EA Tiburon, the house in charge of Madden, has a history of pulling pranks on each other. As funny as some of the stories are, we as gamers should be a little disappointed in this kind of shit. On one hand, its hard to say that spending thousands to fill a room with plastic balls is a waste when you’re EA and you make Madden (actually its still a waste). But this is the same company that wants to flood your favorite games with in game ads and reap the profits, rather than using ad revenue to cut us players a break. I’m glad to know that this is what they’re using their money on rather than coke and hookers whenever they ream you for the newest lazy Battlefield expansion.

Second, the only thing I could think of when reading this article was “get back to work”. And I’m being dead serious – these guys have all the time to pull elaborate pranks, and yet they couldn’t get a competent version of Madden ready for the release of the 360. →  Do a barrel read!

Do bad games get better as they drop in price?

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Game Revolution gave Excite Truck a C, partly because it wasn’t worth 50 bucks. Does this mean that when the game sells for $20 they will change the review score to a B?

Factoring cost into a game’s review has always been something I try to avoid. It is very difficult to do. As much as I pretend games should be considered as stand-alone pieces of art and should not be compared to other things you could do with the money, this is at least partially idealistic bullshit. If a crappy $10 downloadable game is a waste of time, maybe it wouldn’t be at $1, and part of the reason it’s a waste of time is because an episode of Sam & Max is only $8. Clearly, on at least some level, it makes sense to consider the cost of a game when deciding whether you should recommend it to potential buyers.

Excite Truck will be so awesome when it costs $7.

 →  Zone of the Readers: The 2nd Reader

Xbox Live Brings it On

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While everyone has been hoping and waiting for an announcement regarding Sin and Punishment on the Virtual Console, Microsoft has gone ahead and demanded you give them money. Xbox Live Arcade is going to get not only Ikaruga, but an updated, HD ready version of Rez.

That’s right. Two of the darlings of the gaming underground are getting another chance, and for reasonable prices! The only way not to be excited about this announcement is if your a smarmy collector who realizes their first print copies of these games are going to be worth a lot less.

Small price to pay to get a new version Rez for modern televisions. And I haven’t even played the damn game yet!

Many links for the news, so I’ll send you to everyone’s favorite videolamer troll to spill the beans.

PSP Lite/Slim/2000 Impressions

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To be hardcore in the video game scene, one must make a painful sacrifice. I’m sorry to tell you this, but you just can’t buy one system and call it a day. No, you must do what is necessary: you must buy every single piece of hardware that has ever been made. Yes, even a Nuon. So, with that in mind, I begged my girlfriend to buy me the new streamlined PSP. What? I didn’t say you couldn’t ruin someone else’s life in your pursuit of hardcore-ness. And guess what? The damn fool agreed to it! Can you believe that shit? Oh mercy.

So with that quick anecdote, here are my quick impressions on the new Ice Silver Sony PSP (the unit bundled with Daxter), officially referred to as the PSP 2000.

My initial response when I opened the package was how insanely light the thing is. I seriously thought it was fake, like some bum put the plastic casing in the box just to fuck with me. →  Fine, but this article then no more.

Guitar’d Hero – Downloadable song packs sell like lightning

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Guitar Hero 2 on the 360 is making Activision loads of cash monies thanks to its downloadable content.

This is interesting on several levels. For one, I find it curious that people are gobbling up these song packs when all but one of them feature tracks from Guitar Hero 1. If you haven’t played GH1, then the packs are a no-brainer, but I personally will never play Smoke on the Water again after five staring it (great song to hear, boring as fuck to play through to the end).

Of course the news is outraging the Kids of the Internet (uh-woo-oh), who are quick to call us “Sheep” for buying these packs at a high price point. Aside from the fact that I haven’t actually bought them myself, I’m still cringing at this nerd rage. As I posted in the Kotaku comments section, let us break down the prices, a common tradition among gamers:

iTunes – 99 cents for a DRM’ed music track that someone just had to upload to a server

Guitar Hero track – roughly two dollars for a DRM’ed music track with not one but two notecharts, that someone had to upload to a server. →  I’ll get a job later, for now I’m going to read this

Review – Metroid Prime 3

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The moment I saw it at E3 I knew it would be one of the Wii’s killer apps. If you read any of those lesser video game sites around you know that their reviews have borne my predictions out. This review then is not meant to tell you whether or not you should buy this game.

I can tell you that right off the bat: if you have any interest in FPS or adventure games, or, to use the portmanteau generated by the ever clever gaming forum communities, first person adventure games, you need to play this game. Buy it, rent it, whatever your wallet allows, it deserves a play-through because it is one of the best games currently on the Wii and it has a lot of innovation to offer.

The purpose, then, of this review is more to focus on a list of do’s and dont’s for videogames, a list of what we ought to expect out of developers as we proceed in this new generation of consoles. →  The King of Articles 2002: Unlimited Match

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.7.07

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Molyneux takes a shocking stand – his company is more influential than its competitor
In a recent interview, designer Peter Molyneux said that Microsoft’s Live will be more impactful than the Wii remote. Molyneux was clearly kidding – would anyone use the non-word “impactful” in a serious statement?

Pretend he was serious. Is Live more influential than motion sensing controls? This is not easy to answer, partly because it’s comparing apples to gypsies, partly because the Wii is very young and partly because in some form, both things being compared have already existed for years. At its base level, Live is the internet. Should we thank Al Gore for being more impactful on games than Microsoft? If that’s too far a leap, what about X-Band on the Genesis or SNES? Surely Seganet was impactful as all get out.
OMG Nintendo copied Hasbro!

The motion controlled Star Wars Lightsaber Battle game Hasbro released in 2005 is more fun than most Wii games. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

Review – Heavenly Sword demo

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Well, it’s come to this. The best offering for the PS3 right now is a fucking DEMO. After enduring months of postponed releases and crocodile tears over how “hard” it is to develop for the PS3 we finally have a kickass demo. Why not wait another few days and write a review for the full release, you ask? Because I have lost all hope that any PS3 game will ever be released on time. (See my nonexistent review of Lair dated Nov. 17, 2006) Since it’ll take longer to read this article than play the demo, I’ll take you through all the other unnecessary pre-release media as well.

The game’s controls and what’s really happening onscreen go together like Depends and a thong. On numerous occasions, I had to wonder if I had downloaded the demo or just a game video, and I was pretending to play along like a four year old who’s run out of tokens at Chuck E. →  Apply directly to the forehead.