News and Crap

There are tons of news stories every week about the video game industry. Naturally, we don’t really care about most of it. So we edit each week’s volumes of boring news into a convenient size and focus only on the biggest stories and stuff we personally care about. Then we complain about it.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.14.07

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Starcraft 2 is coming
Golden Jew was wrong. He is hereby stripped of one hundredth of his massive pile of gold coins, crowns, and swords. I’ll give it back when the Starcraft MMO comes out in two years.

Rare to broaden 360s audience with all age friendly games
But also don’t rule out that they will make mature games, says Microsoft’s Peter Moore. They will or they won’t. They may and they may not. I’m glad Moore cleared that up.

Rare is fascinating because Microsoft seems to think Rare can change the Xbox brand image and because I have a theory that Nintendo makes their second parties what they are. On the first point, Rare will fail. Microsoft is taking the same attitude towards appealing to the mass market as they took when attempting to appeal to the Japanese — “one or two games should do it, now let’s sit back and wait for the money.” Shockingly, Blue Dragon didn’t sell seven million 360s in Japan, and Viva Piñata didn’t sell four million 360s to kids and grandparents. →  Apply directly to the forehead.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.4.07

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Sony markets to teens
Sony decided this was a smart business move after analyzing the figures:
Selling games to 10 year olds = totally lame (Nintendo sux LOL)
Selling games to 14 year olds = awesome to the max (we rulz)

The All I want for Christmas is a PSP, Sony’s first attempt to market to teens, went over slightly better than September 11th. Most failed ads don’t bring in more customers, this failed ad led to current customers donating their PSPs to their walls at 15 MPH.

EA noticing Wii and DS appeal to kids, plans bad mini-game game to cash in
EA Playground appeals to “the kid in everyone.” How exactly did EA deduce this? There are the obvious things that appeal to kids but not adults, like finding the opposite sex disgusting and eating chalk. Then there are the childish things that appeal to some adults, like sliding down banisters, pouting when things don’t go your way, and calling someone a “crapface”. →  We have nothing to lose but our games.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.27.07

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Ken Kuraragi finally falls on his sword
I have called for Ken’s resignation many times, but like a president bombarded by calls to fire a cronie, end a war, step down, or learn to read Kutaragi has ignored me entirely. That is until yesterday. Ken has finally listened to my sharp criticism and based a life altering decision on it…or has he?

“And God said unto me, ‘Make thy console large, make it powerful, but above all else hold unto this truth: Make thy console expensive.'”

The Japanese, unlike Americans, have a thing they like to call sushi. This raw fish (California rolls don’t count, hippy) is symbolic of another concept we Americans lack – honor. For you see, in ancient Japan the sushi roller guy was thought to be the embodiment of the fisherman’s god, Zeus. Zeus had a mighty trident he used for fishing. He also had many children. The most important of these children was the original emperor of Japan, known as Honor Mitsubishi. →  The happiest post on Earth.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.13.07

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Bethesda buys Fallout IP
Anyone who thinks a series can change developers and still be the same series is encouraged to pay me to write the fourth Lord of the Rings book.

Cheap PS3 discontinued
No more 20 gig harddrive PS3. This makes some sort of sense because Sony loses more on each of the 20 gig sold than on the 60 gig. But it also doesn’t make other kinds of sense. Specifically, the “release two models for absolutely no reason,” and “eliminate the cheaper model because the console is too expensive in the first place” kinds of sense.

To make matters more hilarious, Sony is considering releasing a third model of the PS3. Some magical hardware that could play PS3 games (which are on Blu Ray) but not come with a Blu Ray player was what I was hoping for, despite the obvious impossibility. A 90 gig PS3 that will no doubt retail for around $700 was what Sony has in mind, though. →  They’re reading her… and then they’re going to read me!

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 4.8.07

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Resident Evil games coming to Wii
Capcom loves to remake and rerelease Resident Evils. Resident Evil 1 was released first on the PS1, then the Saturn, and PC, then the director’s cut came out on the PS1. This was followed by the remake for Gamecube and the slightly modified Deadly Silence version for the DS. Somewhere in there a mobile phone game was released, but at least Capcom had the sense to scrap a GBC version. Some PS1 games don’t look good on an NES — who knew?

Good news for people who have only played this game eight times — the Umbrella Chronicles game coming to the Wii looks very much like a recreation of the first game (with some of the second thrown in to placate whiners like me). This version drastically changes the gameplay, though. Prepare for an on-rails shooter RE style. Which may be very similar to all the other RE light gun games I never played. →  This better not be as bad as everything else here.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 3.30.07

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PS3 sells well in Europe
Is this a sign that Sony is turning a corner? I recently noticed that the PS3 has a lot more well-reviewed titles and fewer games the critics hate than the Wii. Surely that’s a sign things will start picking up for Sony.

But then there’s the recent news that Devil May Cry 4 is going to be on both the PS3 and 360. A lot of smart people have said stupid things about this generation not being about console exclusives. Considering the Wii will have Nintendo first party titles and the 360 already has a number of good exclusives, I wonder if the sentiment that exclusives are dead is really just a nice way of saying, “Exclusives still matter but it’s depressing to think about how many Sony is losing.”

Imagine 3rd party exclusives were dead because the wisdom that it’s just too costly to not put a game on every system is accurate. What do we have to choose from now: A $600 Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, and Fumito Ueda machine. →  50 Cent: Readproof

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 2.16.07

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Virtua Fighter 5 sells well in Japan despite reports to the contrary
Despite my rants about how shitty game journalism is, I am often too lazy to be the change I want to see in the world (paraphrased Gandhi quote FTW!). Last week, a little short on stories, I decided to post something that was both very specific to my tastes and not really news. The second part should’ve been blatantly obvious since the story was on kotaku.com.

So now I would both like to apologize for the lapse in quality journalism and for the story being just plain wrong. I have brought shame to videolamer and to my family. If my parents hadn’t stopped speaking to me years ago because I am a horrible disappointment of a son, I am sure they would be ashamed.

Artsy enough to have his own clothing line, but not so artsy he is beaten to death in a dark alley.

Marc Ecko forms game studio
Vin Diesel is the only celebrity I know of who seems to actually be talented. →  The Adventures of Cookie and Read

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 2.9.07

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Jack Tretton wants to give you $1200
In the March issue of EGM, Sony’s Jack Tretton declared, “If you can find a PS3 anywhere in North America that’s been on shelves for more than five minutes, I’ll give you 1,200 bucks for it.” This interview has been reported on before, but the quote is too funny not to highlight.

To make matters worse for Tretton, EGM responds to his offer by explaining that they called 18 random retailers and half of them had PS3s sitting on shelves. Tretton replied with, “I am not sitting in the store to know when they got put on the shelves or if a salesperson is giving you accurate information, but if only nine of the 18 stores you contacted had supplies, that seems to be a clear indication that sales continue to be outstanding.”

So his position seems to be that those systems are selling within five minutes and EGM just got lucky and called at times when deliveries had arrived only a minute ago, or that the sales people EGM spoke to were lying. →  SaGa 3: Shadow or Write

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 2.2.07

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Sony contemplates PS3 price cuts
A little more than a week ago, Sony’s Jack Tretton said there would not be a price cut to the PS3 any time soon.

Soon after Takao Yuhara announced, “We may look at the price as part of our strategy to expand the market when the timing is right.” Most sites are running with the idea that Sony has changed their stance on price. It doesn’t seem clear that Yuhara means Sony will change pricing any time soon, nor does he mention any specific territory.

Sony claims that they took a hit from the PS3 price reduction in Japan, so it seems counterintuitive for them to talk about more cuts. They are likely doing damage control since about every gaming website not owned by Sony has chalked up the phenomenon of PS3s sitting on shelves to its exorbitant price. This seems like the appropriate time to report that the PS3’s price was recently raised by retailers in Canada. →  Jet fuel can’t melt videolamer.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 1.26.07

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Wii games channel coming…some time
Nintendo has confirmed that they will offer new games for download on the Wii, no doubt inspired by Microsoft’s Live Arcade. Since the Wii is already being positioned as the console to develop for if you have a small budget, it should be interesting to see what kind of games are distributed through the games channel (not the official name). Will it be home to crappy Flash games or is this the beginning of the 2D renaissance on home systems? I’m hoping for the latter but won’t be surprised if it’s the former.

Gears of War sells well in Japan
Well enough to break the top 10 list, in fact. Now American developers know breaking into the Japanese market is possible; all they have to do is make one of the best games of the year.

Silicon Knights President blogs about Too Human’s cold E3 reception
Denis Dyack describes how last E3 felt with a story from his college days. →  Can you read me now?