News and Crap

There are tons of news stories every week about the video game industry. Naturally, we don’t really care about most of it. So we edit each week’s volumes of boring news into a convenient size and focus only on the biggest stories and stuff we personally care about. Then we complain about it.

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 10.13.06

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Japanese consumers want the PS3
Famitsu surveyed people at the Tokyo Games Show and got some interesting if odd results. Although we are talking about Japan so odd is a relative term. About 56% of those surveyed felt the low end PS3 was pricey. Even considering that the TGS would be full of hardcore gamers, this number seems low. Compare this to the 13% who think the Wii costs too much and 25% who think the 360 is expensive.

When asked what system they most looked forward to, 58% said the PS3 and 34% said the Wii. Contrast this, though, to what people said about which system they plan to buy on launch. 11% said they’d get a PS3 at launch while 18% said they’d get a Wii. Further. 36% said they have no current plan for getting a PS3 and 33% said the same of the Wii. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 10.6.06

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Uwe Boll in talks for a second BloodRayne movie
If you missed the first BloodRayne movie, you owe it to Ed Wood to go see it. It’s not as terribly good as House of the Dead, but its crappiness is better than the mostly just bad Alone in the Dark. I will also be going to see Dungeon Siege on opening knight (hahahahaha, get it?) if anyone wants to join me.

For some odd reason a lot of people hate Boll and want him to have a massive heart attack and die, or at least stop directing movies. I come from the Leprechaun school of horror films (Leprechaun in the Hood is overrated, I recommend Leprechaun in Space) so Boll’s schlock is something I really look forward to. Some argue that movies like BloodRayne keep games from being taken serious. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.29.06

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Opera free on Wii until June ‘07
Though I have absolutely no proof to support this fear, I’m worried that browsing the web on the Wii will require a subscription. Imagine some horrendous system that costs something small like 2 Nintendollars or whatever every time you open the browser. That would seriously limit the time I’d be able to spend on the couch watching pornography with my parents.

I don’t remember playing as an aging guy with a mighty war flute.

Microsoft makes up for broken consoles
Wow, good for them. Does the tracking chip they implant in the machine come free of charge?

The old RPGs are coming
At least in Japan. I may have to play Final Fantasy 6 again, but that’s ok since it’s the pinnacle of the series (Cloud is teh suxx0rs). →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.22.06

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RedOctane sues TAC who in turn sue RedOctane
Guitar Hero makers RedOctane have filed a lawsuit against TAC for making guitar controllers that resemble their own. In response, TAC has sued RedOctane, claiming they’ve been making guitar controllers longer and that RedOctane is actually infringing on their copyright. Whether or not this sue the suer move is just standard stupid legal strategy remains to be seen. Personally, I’d find it hilarious if RedOctane loses.

Nintendo wants violent sexy games
Nintendo of America is courting mature content for the Wii. This is no doubt a good business strategy, but it still doesn’t sit totally right. However evil they were as a corporation, I always had a little respect for their slightly patronizing desire to protect us from unseemly content. Nintendo was the catcher in the rye. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.15.06

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All that Nintendo jazz
So the Wii will cost $250 and debut November 17th. Nintendo knows how to deliver as little as possible without breaking a promise. The system will come with Wii Sports (in NA, but not Japan) as a pack in. This makes a lot of sense; consumers will be worried about the new control interface being new and strange, including an easily accessible fun title that makes full use of the controller is a great way to usher in the Wii.

Only they decided to include one controller, not two. This is a very stupid move precisely because it limits the strategy I just outlined. With two controllers and a simple game right out of the box, couples, fathers and daughters, johns and prostitutes, Lavern and Shirley or any other combination of two people could be having a ball with the Wii from the minute they plug it in. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 9.1.06

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The better graphics only make it abundantly clear that football players have dead eyes.

Double Fine finds a new publisher to bring their flops to market
Tim at Double Fine is working on another game. Rumors suggest it may be Psychonauts 2: Straight to Bargain Bins. The good news for us perpetual whiners is that if it’s as creative and fun as the first game and does as poorly, there will be plenty of hell to raise.

EA predicts you’ll buy 18 copies of the new Madden
Good news, tons of people still buy new Maddens despite the fact that they are basically the same game. The proportion of internet whining I mentioned is directly proportional to how many times Maddens sales quadruple the new Double Fine game. My estimate is 32. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.25.06

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Game testing company founded by ex-Lionhead guy
The outsourcing of game testing has the potential to prevent computer games (and some console games) from shipping despite being riddled with bugs. I doubt this new company will have a facility like I described in this article — a huge building with a thousand computers each with varying graphics cards, processors, operating systems and viruses caught from downloading porn. Even so, Testology is a good step forward.

It is slightly depressing on at least one level, though. Think of your favorite tiny developer. Now, imagine a world where all testing is outsourced. Realize you can never get a job at this tiny developer you love oh so much. Now weep.

You are not individual enough for the light blue DSL.

Pink and black DSLites coming to America
Says the press release,

“…the new colors just add another element of fun, allowing people to ‘personalize’ who they are by the color, or colors they pick.” →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.18.06

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World Games is another awesome/terrible Epyx title.

Classic Epyx games coming to current consoles
Impossible Mission and California Games remakes coming to the Wii, DS and PSP and they’ll be in 2d. Now I can finally finish Impossible Mission, let’s just hope it doesn’t have a bug in it like the Atari version (the bug made the game unbeatable). California Games should be very interesting because it’s debatable that the original was actually a piece of shit. Through the glasses of nostalgia I remember the game quite fondly but it’s true that the actual gameplay is similar to Wario Wares, only minus the creativity, humor and instead of 105 there are 5 games to play.

“Classic” Electronic Arts compilation coming to the PSP
What’s this, another compilation featuring games from my beloved C64? →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 8.11.06

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Handheld gaming devices are now terrorist weapons
Now I’ll need to build a steam powered gaming device for my trip to England. I was really looking forward to playing Al Qaeda’s Touch Terror and the Taliban’s Death to Americhat on my DS, too. Apparently, US Flights are also banning liquids. I think I’ll debate the flight attendant on how glass can be considered a liquid and therefore the windows must be removed until he decides to ignore me.

If most gamers were nerds who got beaten up as kids, wouldn’t they want to play a game where you beat up bullies instead of a game where you are a bully?

Kotaku talks to anti-bullying guy
In the interview, the anti-bully group guy says that some games shouldn’t be made. George Carlin has said that everything is open to humor and I completely agree with him, only I include more than humor. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.28.06

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It works.

Victor Ireland starts a new company
The guy behind the now closed Working Designs is back in business. Woo? I’m not really sure. The new company is called GaijinWorks, which is probably not a great name. It’s a little similar to a Japanese company trying to do business in America with the name Ignorant Foreigner Enterprises.

Critics are already saying his new company is doomed to failure unless he has learned from his past mistakes, which include having enough principle to ruin a business. Can’t say I blame him for how he handled WD, but then I can’t say I disagree with his critics, either.

Another criticism Vic is facing is that he is no longer needed because companies like Atlus have filled his shoes. This is a stupid position to take. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.21.06

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New Sony patent for motion sensing camera
We’ll have to wait and see if Sony releases a peripheral with this technology for the PS3. The patent refers to older similar technology Sony has designed so it provides a good defense to the claims that Sony is merely copying Nintendo. The question now becomes is Sony rushing these technologies to market in response to Nintendo.

Both Sony and Nintendo have advantages in how their products are being sold. If Sony’s new motion sensing technology sells well, games that make use of it will follow. But the product is statistically likely to be another throwaway peripheral with minimal support. If Nintendo’s gamble pays off their motion sensitive games will likely far outnumber the PS3’s and be superior in quality. Conversely, if the Wiimote concept doesn’t work then they have a much farther fall than Sony. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.14.06

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Phil Harrison doesn’t think Sony is arrogant
Phil is one of my (many) mortal enemies and it just so happens I compiled some of his best quotes and posted them right here. He may be more talented, successful, and smell less than I, but he is still a douche bag. You see, I don’t lie in public. And when I do, it’s just posted on a tiny little site no one gives a shit about. My lies reach dozens of people, his reach possibly millions. He also makes a lot more.

Violent crime may not pay, but amorality seems to be the road to success (fine, so lying for your employer may be immoral, not amoral. But if he is willing to kill for Sony, then perhaps he is amoral. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.7.06

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Japanese game market doing better
The market is up 33% in the first half of the 2006. Unsurprisingly, Nintendo played a large role. While I prepare the next news point, you pick one of the two following arguments:

– The Japanese game market is being revitalized by innovation. The success of the DS is a sure sign that the Wii will do well in Japan.

– The Japanese game market is being revitalized by handhelds. This does not mean their interest in consoles will pick up.

Ok, now find a friend who picked the argument you didn’t. Found someone? Excellent, now debate.

“Damn, I really need to shave my head and lose some weight.”

Microsoft’s iPod killer coming this Christmas
Funny, MS Word doesn’t recognize iPod as a word. A lot of powerful companies have gone up against Apple and none have taken the portable MP3 player market from them. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.30.06

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Hot on Sony’s heels, Bill Gates has hired Xzibit to be the spokesrapper for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

MS copies Sony, says Sony
First of all, let me make it clear that I will never trust anyone named Kaz, Baz, or Waz. Chaz from Phantasy Star IV and Raz from Psychonauts are alright, though. Moving on, Kaz Hirai has told the Official PlayStation Magazine “Every time we go down a path, we look behind and [Microsoft is] right there – we just can’t shake these guys. I wish that they would come up with some strategies of their own, but they seem to be going down the path of everything we do.”

What is he talking about? I’m not sure; I guess I’ll have to buy the magazine to see if he actually gives a single example. →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.23.06

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A CNN reporter grades the current generation of consoles
Apparently the tone he takes (he treats the systems like school kids) is supposed to be funny and/or clever. He gives the PS2 an A, the Xbox a B-, the Gamecube a D and the Gameboy Advance an A. The Xbox actually sold worse than the Cube worldwide, but since when do American journalists bother themselves with other countries?

This article reminds me of a feature in the newest EGM where they give grades to the future of each system. Somehow the Gamecube ends up with a lower grade than the Xbox despite the Xbox getting no new first party games and one or two 3rd party exclusives. The Cube gets the new Zelda, Super Paper Mario, a new Donkey Konga game, and from Namco the sequel to Baten Kaitos. →  Read the rest

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.16.06

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Round 1: Uwe versus Alien!

Uwe Boll challenges his critics to a boxing match
The sad thing is my borough president challenged his competitor to a boxing match so whatever I say about Boll directly applies to someone with much more power. Actually, that’s not true. Guy Molinari may be as stupid as Boll and may think that punching people makes you smarter, more capable of governing, or more capable of directing than your opponent, but Molinari is not responsible for the Alone in the Dark movie. Uwe Boll is, and should be beaten up for it.


Blizzard denies working on MMO versions of Starcraft and Diablo
This means nothing other than Blizzard won’t officially say they’re working on these titles now.

ARR! Pirate DS carts
Want a game that doesn’t require your progress to be saved? →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.9.06

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Jaws Unleashed


Majesco makes money
I’ve written about this company a few times because they dared to take a chance on some creative games and nearly went bankrupt for it. Now they have a different direction that focuses less on making premium titles and more on making shitty games that sell. Their portable lineup is actually respectable, but with console titles like Jaws Unleashed, it won’t be hard to turn my back on Majesco and hope EA buys them out only to make them all sex slaves (they’ll be paid for 40 hours a week, but not for the overtime they put in).

Hillary Clinton’s Media Guide for Parents (complete with cute drawing of children)
Clinton basically suggests we read Common Sense Media’s take on media ratings. The Common Sense Media people are about “media sanity, not censorship.” →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.2.06

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E3 awards
Wii wins best in show award. So this justifies Nintendo’s actions. When they eventually get trampled in the free market they can at least say, “Oh well, other industry people thought it could work, too.”

Spore won best PC game and best original game. Gears of War picked up a few awards, and the DS Zelda won best handheld. I’m happy to see Bioware’s Mass Effect won something, too, as I am in love with that company. I’m totally having their babies.

Analyst specultes on MS handheld
The Marketeer already broke the news that Microsoft was entering the handheld market.

Peter Moore has started a list of every backwards compatible Xbox game.

Backwards compatibility not a priority for MS
How convenient. Promise backwards compatibility, do a so so job (no Soul Calibur 2?), →  Read the rest

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.26.06

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Tose’s game Shrek: Reekin’ Havoc has been accused of lacking soul. How could a company that works as guns for hire and doesn’t like getting credit possibly make a game they don’t feel passionate about?

Development team that doesn’t take credit for their work
Tose say they are “development ninjas.” They have worked on over a thousand games and never take any credit for their work. The few games they have admitted to making seem to be average at best, so it may not be a big loss.

It does raise interesting ethical questions, though. While it may be legal, most people think it’s absurd to buy life stories from someone then write about them like thy happened to you (ala Seinfeld: see Kramer and Peterman). I’m not sure it’s any less deceitful to claim your company made a game when you secretly paid someone else to. →  Read the rest

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Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 5.19.06

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Get it? It’s hacked? With an axe?

Xbox 360 hacked to play pirated games, err backups
That didn’t take too long, but it won’t work for everyone and if you get caught Bill Gates will devour your soul.

Analysts worry PS3 price will hurt the game industry
While somewhat obvious, it’s good to see analysts voicing thoughts that not everyone has had. The reasoning behind the suspicion Sony is hurting the industry is such a high price point for the PS3 will prevent growth. Installing new users each successive generation is very important if game development costs are going to continue to grow and a $500 price tag prevents this. When thought of in terms of accessibility versus cost and hardware versus software, the gap between Sony and Nintendo seems even larger. →  Read the rest

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