Reviews

Review – Soul Calibur 3

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Soul Calibur 3’s is like a reunion tour, featuring every character in the franchise, as well as classic stages and songs. It also boasts a huge level of customization, right down to the ability to create your own character. It seems to be everything you could ask for, but in order to experience it, you’re going to have to play by the game’s rules, very strict rules that state that if you want to enjoy some of it, you’ll have to slave through all of it.

Soul Calibur 3 is the Square-Enix of fighting games, so proud of its accomplishments that it doesn’t give you a choice about whether you want to see it all, so ashamed of its old school roots that it hides them far away from the player, as if to scold them for ever wanting to dig them up. →  Who is that standing behind you?

Review – Sam & Max Episode 5: Reality 2.0

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Despite it being the penultimate episode of Season 1, I don’t have much to say about Reality 2.0. It repeats much of the same things we’ve already gone over (ie, “The rule of three” for puzzles, familiar faces and environments, etc.). Reminiscent of ep. 4, it has two very hard puzzles with some very easy stuff in between. At this point it is rather useless to discuss whether any of these things are good or bad, because they are simply the way they are.

When episodic content is released in a matter of weeks rather than months, there is a very limited time in which to create new content. Some things are going to be static, both because it fits the nature of the game (“episodes” of any sort of media don’t completely change), and because it is the only way to get the content out quickly. →  Tony Hawk’s Pro Reader 3

Review – Godfather: Blackhand Edition

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There seems to be a belief among some third party developers that in order to make a Wii game, it is essential to attach meaningless gestures to everything you do. The best example is Red Steel, which forces the player to drag and drop icons on the main menu or shake the remote several times to open a door (because the first time it didn’t respond properly). This leads to cranky reviewers dropping two, maybe even three points from their final score because they simply can’t be bothered with such annoyances.

Then you have a game like The Godfather: Blackhand Edition. None of its menus require Wii gestures. When you swing the remote to open a door, it actually works. Or you can just hit the A button and be done with it. →  NiGHTS into REaDS

Best Game Ever / Review – Dragon’s Trap / Curse

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It’s somewhat bizarre that my normally useless extensive knowledge of the Sega Master System would come in handy because a Turbo Grafix 16 game is released on the Wii. But despite the comical circuitousness, I happen to know a thing or two about Dragon’s Curse. You see, as far as Master System games go, this game is anything but obscure. It’s actually so beloved that a great Master System emulator is named after the game.

In an attempt to completely confuse America as revenge for dropping atomic bombs on them, Japan has seen it fit to rename the game called Dragon’s Trap (Master System) for release on the TG16, where it would be called Dragon’s Curse. That wouldn’t be very good retaliation, though, considering the cancer rates are still abnormally high in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. →  Who is that standing behind you?

Review – God of War

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I hate making film to videogame comparisons, but in this case it seems appropriate. Back in the day, whenever a movie ended explicitly detailing that a sequel would be made, it always bugged me. Who the hell did those guys think they are? Were they really that confident in their production, or were they just cocky? It always seemed to be in bad taste to just assume people were going to buy in to your product.

Nowadays, the sequel hint is a common practice. Not only do we generally accept it, but sometimes we downright expect it (as in the case with something like Spiderman). After all, if it is good, then why not create even more of that good for us to enjoy? →  What can change the nature of a post?

Review – Second Sight

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I’ve come to believe strongly in a particular rule taught to me by wiser gamers. The rule states that “if a game wants to entice me, to keep me playing, then it cannot assume I have nothing better to do than to play video games.” It’s hard phrase to describe exactly what the phrase means, but it pertains to certain bad things modern games like to do. Sometimes they’re done to artificially lengthen playtime, sometimes they’re done to help introduce new players. Sometimes it is to enhance the cinematic nature of the game, or to keep things “realistic.” Whether they are done because of a current trend, or to try to overcome a particular design hurdle, these additions hurt more than they help. →  In the beginning games created the heavens and the earth.

Review – Wario Ware Smooth Moves

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Wario Ware Smooth Moves for the Wii — In playing this game I discovered a maxim that holds true. In observing my personal failures and some of my friend’s successes in playing the Wario Ware mini games, I discovered this: The extent to which you are good at Wario Ware is the extent to which you are a bastard. This is because Wario Ware has been created to reward the wicked and punish those of us with dignity and gameplay standards like functional controls or knowing game objectives before you lose. Wario Ware apologists would have you believe that the minigames are varied, fun, and fair — but they would be lying. 80% of the games can be won only by shaking the remote, or occasionally waving it around or throwing it at your friend. →  Read Band 2

Review – Rogue Galaxy

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It’s not often you come across two games released in quick succession that sound as similar as Final Fantasy XII and Rogue Galaxy. FFXII has Sky Pirates; RG has Space Pirates. Both start off in a desert town. FFXII takes several plot points from Star Wars, RG takes several characters from Star Wars. The main characters even sound rather similar for a while.

But I digress. They are actually very different games, and although comparison would be fun, it wouldn’t do as an unbiased review.

In Rogue Galaxy, you follow the story of Jaster, a young native of the desert planet Rosa who wants to explore space. Through a few coincidences, he is mistaken for a famous mercenary and hired to work for a group of space pirates, led by the notorious Dorgengoa. →  Apply directly to the forehead.

Review – Sonic and the Secret Rings

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Here is perhaps my most controversial review ever. Not because of what I have to say about Sonic and the Secret Rings, but because of the context in which I say it. I was unable to finish Sonic, not because of time constraints (it was a rental), but because I gave up on an increasingly frustrating game and control scheme. I have much to talk about, but the question is whether it means anything at all.

Secret Rings attempts to redo Sonic in 3d by limiting your movement capabilities in order to emulate, ironically, the 2d Sonics of yore. Sonic always moves forward (he can move backwards, but its only meant for backing up a few paces to retry something). All you have to do is jump and steer left and right. →  Lame is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

Review – Hotel Dusk

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Before I jump into this review, I would like to offer some insights into my reviewing habits. When I play games to review them, I try to see if the development team was successful in whatever they were trying to do with the game. For example: have they made an exciting action/adventure game or a plausible horror game? I basically become a high school English teacher and grade a student’s essay. Did they prove their point with supporting examples? It does not matter if I disagree with what they are saying. Unless they screw up with their grammar or examples, can I blatantly say they are wrong?

Why am I telling you this, you ask? I’m just trying to give you a little background info on how I’m going to review Hotel Dusk: Room 215, for the DS. →  Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this post!