Month: December 2006

Review – Taito Memories

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Why hello there Taito Memories. Fancy seeing you here for ten dollars. I think I just might take you home with me. I’ve always been really curious about what you’re all about. After all, you’re not quite like your other cousins. Last generation saw tons of you classic compilations being released, on PS2 and just about everywhere else.

Namco, Capcom, Sega, Atari, even Activision and Midway tried their hand at it. Seems they sold pretty well too, though gamers also learned that they could never guess what to expect from you compilations. They might get all the classics, and they might not. They may get 20 games, or fewer than ten. There could be tons of bonus content and great emulation, or sparse features and horrible recreations of each game. The only guarantee was that if you bought something from Sega, you were going to get more than a few recycled games. →  Ring of Read

Grandma’s Boy – Satan’s revenge?

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In a recent post, a blogger at Joystiq mentioned the game that was featured in the movie Grandma’s Boy. He also shared his opinion of the movie by calling it, “freakishly awful.” This drew an overwhelming response from readers who adore Grandma’s Boy. Since I have only a handful of fans to alienate, I will now go on record as agreeing with Joystiq.

This may seem a bit elitist, but before I tell you how terrible Grandma’s Boy is, I need to mention I saw the movie with three other people and touch on our credentials. Most people who insist the movie isn’t a pile of shit argue that those who dislike it are either non-gamers or have never used illegal drugs. It’s true that none of us were smoking anything while we watched, but we were drinking. →  Guitar Hero III: Legends of Read

I’m the king of the world!

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Just ask the few remaining people at Jay’s party last night, who were the Apollo Creed to my Rocky (in Rocky 2), the Frazier to my Ali (the two times when Ali won), and the whoever to my Tyson (back when he was a good boxer and a rapist, as opposed to just a rapist).

Yes, that’s right, the Golden Jew gave into the Wii, at least for one night. Although disgusted by the fact my persona was referred to as a “Mii” in Wii Sports, I was amused by the fact I was punching out a woman Mii. I think that might have been what fueled my victory. She also had glasses. Unrealistically, they did not break and force shattered glass into her eyes.

I was very impressed with Wii Bowling, finding that the ball actually curved the exact same way it does when I bowl for real. →  Start your journey now, my Lord.

Final Fantasy XI OST

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Many people have probably already figured out that I am a huge video game music buff. More than half the music on my computer is from one game or another. And after much contemplation, I hit up iTunes and purchased the complete Final Fantasy XI OST for $16. For 51 songs, I couldn’t afford not to buy it.

I can already hear you moaning over the fact that I went the iTunes route, but I have to say they have a great selection of Final Fantasy music. They have all the major OST’s, covering the entire series. They also have some Black Mages in there for the hardest of the hard core. It’s also really good that I don’t have to wait like two weeks before I get the music, like you do with importing. →  Are you ready for some readball?

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 12.15.06

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Wii breaks records in PAL territories
American developers tend to focus on American gamers. Japanese developers are more split, but many still focus primarily on local customers. Do Australian and European developers give a shit about gamers in their own countries or do they instead focus on North America because that’s where the cash money is?

The answer to this question may have a large impact on this generation of consoles. If the PAL developers focus mostly on Americans, these record breaking sales are good news for Nintendo. If, though, these territories developers do care about the local gamer, this means that the Wii should be getting a good number of Australian and British developed games. This could be bad news for Sony and Microsoft.

Nintendo: Did we say one million Wiis? →  Fire Post Wrestling Returns

The Spike Video Game Awards are not the Antichrist

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The Spike Video Game Awards have come and gone, and if you listen really hard you can hear the “Lawls” of a million gamers on the internet. To be honest, I’m somewhat disappointed in my fellow players. It’s one thing to be upset with the quality of the VGA’s, but I’m amazed at how many people want it completely abolished. Do they not want to have a nationally recognized awards show for the best and brightest in the industry?

I know that isn’t what Spike is offering us, but if we shoot down everything that doesn’t immediately line up with what we want, we’ll never reach that lofty goal. I’m at least optimistic that some day, these VGA’s will get better. This year, it seemed like they might. I guess they kind of did. →  Your right post comes off?

Best Game Ever – Golvellius: Valley of Doom versus The Legend of Zelda

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The Legend of Zelda is one of the most influential games ever made and every gamer should make sure they play it. Golvellius is a Zelda clone made by Compile originally for the MSX that no one needs to bother with. It is also one of my favorite games. If a kid today played both one after another, it’s tough to say which he’d prefer. Without the context of Zelda being the pioneering adventure game, and without the nostalgia of playing Golvellius after school, all that’s left is the games themselves.

Golvellius was translated by people who actually spoke English.

And so I will now ignore how important Zelda is, ignore that it was designed by one of the greatest game designers in history, ignore that it was on the most popular system of its time, and most importantly, ignore that it came first. →  Contains 10% more consonants than comparable articles.

Review – Super Star Soldier on the Virtual Console

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Originally released in 1991 for the NEC TurboGrafx-16, Super Star Soldier is an old-school shooter that really pushes your buttons.

If you kids want to see how bad we old geezer gamers had it back in the day, then you need to play Super Star Soldier. There are no save points, and forget about unlimited continues. To beat this game, you need…nope, forget it, you won’t beat this game. It’s just too hard for you.

If you’ve played any of the recently released shooters like Treasure’s Ikaruga, then you’ll probably be disappointed with SSS. It doesn’t have any unique health system or gameplay mechanic. SSS is very much by the books. The early 90’s shooter books, anyway. Basically, all bullets are bad bullets, and it only takes one to take you down. →  They’re reading her… and then they’re going to read me!

Lament of a lost developer

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Once upon a time, there was an innovative game design company. Though they tended to use mainly the historical as backdrops for their titles, they came out with a wide range of interesting games and managed to release them for several platforms despite fairly intense console rivalry. It was clear there were individual designers in the company with a passion and talent for game creation. Now, several years later, this company has grown stagnant. The only games that it seems to spend any money on are rehashes of the same genre. The innovation that still exists comes primarily from the company publishing the efforts of various subdivisions or studios.

Sound familiar? It could be one of several names, since it’s a common malady, but in this particular case I’m speaking of Koei. →  The Adventures of Cookie and Read

Videolamer’s Holiday Shopping Guide

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Knowing what game to buy for whom is a job all in itself, especially for out of touch parents. If reading review after review of technical mumbo jumbo sounds like too much work, the videolamer Holiday Shopping Guide is for you. Simply identify which grouping best fits the lucky recipient of your gifts then follow every word of advice to the letter and Christmas/ Chanukah/ Kwanza / Ramadan/ Festivus/ Dhanvantari Trayodashi will be saved.

The Indiscriminate Eye

Who they are: We all have that friend or relative who seems to have had their taste assigned to them by pop radio, Howard Stern and MTV. While it would seem these people should be easy to shop for, they actually react quite violently to anything that is unpopular. These people are the “mass” in “mass appeal.” →  Devil May Read 2