Year: 2007

Review – Madden 08

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The Madden Curse Comes to the Wii

For years we’ve seen each Madden cover supermodel fall to the “curse” of becoming overpaid, injured and irrelevant. And just as eerily, the infamous curse is plaguing the upper right corner of its cover as well.

I know I’m supposed to unconditionally lower my expectations for the Wii’s substandard graphics and love it because of it’s removable showerhead inspired controller, but this is just lazy. (And by the way, the joy of flailing a little white rod at my TV is neither new nor innovative.) Crowd shots, backgrounds, stadium flybys and even the loading screen still shots rely on heavy, let’s say, “artistic” blurring to compensate for these worse than average Wii graphics. Whereas the animations have finally improved on the other two consoles, the motion capture for the Wii looks like it was recorded in the Madden bus toilet using a breakfast burrito and some pork rinds.

Believe it or not, this other Madden endorsed product is less poop filled than Madden ’08 for the Nintendo Wii.

 →  Eh, I’ve got nothing better to do.

Bioshock and Awe

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First of all, let me say that I hope that everyone who can play Bioshock is trying their best to do so. This is a big, important game that we need to discuss campfire style.

Second, I want to tell everyone to please, please, slow the hell down.

Thanks to Bioshock’s art deco style, mesmerizing visuals, and Randian plot and philosophy, there are already people declaring this an instant work of art. By the end of the year you will no longer hear chants of “Ico! Beyond Good and Evil! Shadow of the Colossus!”. Instead the only weapon many gamers will wield will be Bioshock.

ReggieHatesYou

Again, I say to this – slow down. Wait until everyone has played it. Wait until the initial excitement and hype has died down, as this has a huge inflating effect on our opinions of a game. If you still don’t believe me on that, just look at Halo 2 then and now. And most importantly, try to look at the game with a good critical eye, the same eye that folks like Roger Ebert may use if this game is thrown into the faces of film and literary notables. →  Beyond Read & Evil

What are we Playing?

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I don’t know what you dear readers are playing, but I’ve got myself a tough choice, as demonstrated on the right:

Don’t pity me. I’ll somehow play them while still squeezing in Prime 3 this month.

I promise reviews as quickly as possible. At least for Bioshock.

Retrospectives – Metroid Prime

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I don’t know about you guys, but with all these Metroid videos popping up all over the place, coupled with the release of three Metroid titles in a three week span (Metroid, Super Metroid on the VC, and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption on the Wii), I have developed full-blown Metroid-fever. GameTrailers has an awesome video retrospective on the entire Metroid series, while Nintendo has been so kind as to relay eight preview videos for the soon-to-be Wii masterpiece, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, right to our very own Wiis.

But then I became a little sad. Corruption is going to end the Prime trilogy as we know it. What happens next, no one knows. Would the series return to 2D adventure like SNES’s opus, Super Metroid? Would it continue the First-Person-Adventure legacy? That’s for Nintendo and Retro Studios to decide. My job now is to tell you how awesome Metroid Prime is.

Surprisingly, many of you have never actually played Metroid Prime before, all because it wasn’t like Super Metroid. →  You think about everything.

Square Enix and the Merch

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Man Square Enix, you just live to piss me off, don’t you? Apparently you’ve opened your merchandise store to the west, and rather than being a force of awesome, you’ve filled it with lousy merchandise and worthless jewelry so teenage otaku have something to go with their black nail polish.

Let’s look at the subcategories on the side navigation bar. We’ve got specific links for every Final Fantasy from 7 to 12…. oh wait. FF9 isn’t there. Sorry Zidane; guess you weren’t emo enough pal. The rest of the FF’s, as well as all of Dragon Quest are each lumped into a big series category. Just great.

I guess we can still look at what they have. Hmm. Seems the other FF’s have nothing to offer me but figurines of summons. That’s pretty lame. You don’t even have character figures?

Squaresoft, let’s stop pretending here. Final Fantasy 4 is the best thing you’ve made with that title. Do something with it. →  Read Band 2

Super Metroid lands on VC, slaps your face

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…and makes you its bitch. Super Metroid, regarded as one of the best games of all time, has become available for a meager eight dollars through the all-mighty Virtual Console service. EIGHT DOLLARS! If you don’t take the smallest of steps to secure this game on your Wii, then may God herself have mercy on your soul.

But seriously, get Super Metroid. You’ll be surprised how accurate all those crazy fanboys on the net really were. It really is one of the greatest games of all time. I myself would say that it is the best 2D adventure ever made, and any gamer should play it at least once. You owe it to yourself to part with that $8 you stole from ol’ Granny.

Trust me, if she played Super Metroid, she would have done the same thing.

Dreamcast Mania! – Canceled games: PC Ports

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The Dreamcast was home to many excellent games, but due to its early demise, it was also home to many canceled games. These games, though varied, can be broken up into three main categories – ports of PC games, games that made it to other consoles, and games that never came out. Today, we will look at the PC ports and imagine how things would have turned out had the Dreamcast lasted a few more years.

Black and White
What was it?
A very well received god sim by Peter Molyneux.

Would it have been good?
Probably but it would be infuriating without the Dreamcast mouse.

Would it have sold?
Yes but not nearly as well as on the PC. Complex PC games and console games have different audiences.

Would it have actually come out?
I doubt it. The DS Black and White was announced forever ago and nothing has come of it. Lionhead seems to be unwilling to actually port their games, or at least their Black and White games. →  You had me at read more.

Sony’s Jamie Macdonald lies to Spong

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Digg led me to a hilariously bad review of Bioshock today. The site the review is on is called Sony Defense Force and, luckily, the entire site is hilarious. It may be a parody but it’s hard to tell, especially after the All I Want For Christmas is a PSP debacle.

Browsing the SDF page, I came across this gem of a story: PS2 still outselling Wii in all Major Markets. The bloggers own comments are excellent – “Looks like Wii won’t even be able to catch PS2. Get ready for another Sony dominated generation.” More importantly, the quote from Jamie Macdonald is an obvious lie:

“Jamie Macdonald: Could I just point something out – that PlayStation 2 is still outselling Wii in all the major markets.”

Unless he delivered this interview from last year, he is wrong. The PS2 has been trumped by the Wii every month of this year except for March. The Wii has outsold the PS2 in Japan since launch. →  We have nothing to lose but our games.

Dreamcast Mania!: What did we miss? – Capcom VS SNK 2: Millionaire Fighting 2001

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What happened – I don’t actually remember if there were even rumors of Capcom VS SNK 2 coming to American Dreamcasts, but considering we got the first game, it seems likely that there were. CVS2 would hit the Dreamcast, but only in Japan. In my experience it was one of the most widely imported titles in the West, to the point where some DC groups talk about it like it was a regular release.

The Game – If there is one thing Capcom’s massive library of fighters has taught us, it is that they never did get it right the first time. The first iteration always comes with its share of problems, while the final revision is often tweaked and polished to perfection. It happened with Street Fighter 2 and 3, it happened with Darkstalkers, and it happened with Capcom VS SNK.

A 100 pound woman and 400 pound man both make identical jumps simultaneously. Who lands first?

The original CVS was novel enough to make it popular, but it was unable to realize the full potential of this concept. →  Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, ‘Game Over.’

We can’t really be this stupid

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ReggieHatesYou

When my fiancee tells her friends that she’s engaged to a fairly devoted gamer she is almost universally met with reticence; those ‘I feel sorry for you’ little smiles, vacant head bobs and the ubiquitous ‘oh… that’s, um, cool’.

This is because, even though G4 Tech TV, Spike and the Sci-Fi channel would have you believe otherwise, we are not mainstream. Realize that even though you know more gamers today than you ever have in your life, the majority of our country still asks if we use Nintendo Tapes(???) for our xBoxen. We are gaining momentum, yes. Our industry is becoming a huge cash generator and more people than ever are joining the cause, but we’re not at the point just yet where more than 10% of the populace doesn’t think of us as basement dwelling dweebs.

I have heard, both directly and indirectly, that I:

  • Seem too much like an adult to be a gamer
  • Am too ‘smart’ to like video games
  • Look like a linebacker, not a nerd
  • Am surprisingly mature for a gamer
  • Make too much money to like toys

The obvious deficiency in these statements (linebacker?) →  Show me the reading!