Confessions/Obsessions

Everyone has done things they are ashamed of and stalking often seems like a reasonable pastime. We at videolamer tend to channel our sick obsessions through the outlet of gaming, leaving the stalking up to the professionals. In this column we will admit to things we’d be embarrassed if our parents read and tell you everything about our weird sex fetishes, all in the name of truth. And also to feed stereotypes about gamers being misogynistic hermits who can’t get dates. For your information, we actually could get dates if we’d stop stalking women.

The cost of gaming (or not gaming)

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This New Year’s, I’ll be in London. My vacation promises to be sweet, but something struck me earlier today. Does it count as regicide if the royal family is merely allowed to keep their castle for show? If you accidentally run down the Queen whilst driving the wrong way (which would be her fault in the first place for allowing people to drive on the left side of the street) does it count as vehicular regicide?

Also, if I didn’t go to England, I could afford a PS3. You must be saying, “What are you, a fucking idiot? The point of life is to experience new things, see new places, run over queens. It’ll do you good to get out of your bedroom and will give your forearm muscles some time to heal.” →  2 h4rdc0r3 4 U.

Laying this generation to rest: Gamecube

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The Gamecube is seen as the loser of this generation (apparently the Dreamcast lost so badly it’s not even worth remembering as the loser). I own as many Cube titles and Xbox, but going by (American) sales, there’s little room for debate. The Cube lost. But after all talk of winning and losing is over, it remains a fact that the Gamecube was host to a number of awesome games. Most of them were first party, since the console had barely any 3rd party support. Luckily for the Gamecube, Nintendo first party games are some of the best in the world.

It takes a certain dedication to the Mushroom Kingdom to play soccer with your crown on.

Pat —
Mario Strikers (Next Level Games/2005) – No single player worth mentioning, but with a houseful of competitive roommates willing to put social lives on hold for some arcade soccer action made this a system defining game for me. →  The King of Articles 2002: Unlimited Match

Laying this generation to rest: PS2

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The PS2 was the clear “winner” of its generation, and with good cause. Despite murdering my precious Dreamcast with mostly unfounded hype, it was home to a very wide range of games from huge and tiny developers alike. The PS2 embodied both the best of Western gaming and Japanese gaming and this balance is what, in my opinion, allowed it to so thoroughly whoop the competition.

Hey there, pretty lady.

Matt —
Ace Combat 4 (Namco/2001) – Flying through the skies never felt so fun. The dog fights were intense, but the presentation was even better. The way the story was played out (with a nice anime look) was genius. I was generally surprised at how much effort Namco put into the story, especially for an arcade flight game. →  Did I do that?

Laying this generation to rest: Dreamcast

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To celebrate the new generation of consoles, we will be honoring the last generation by listing our favorite games on each system. These aren’t Best of lists, or games you will die without, rather they are simply the titles we think made these systems special.

The first console of the past generation was the Sega Dreamcast. This proved to be Sega’s final console so while we remember it fondly, keep in mind that emotion partially clouds our view. Teary eyes aside, there is no denying the console had a number of excellent exclusives, most of which were made by Sega themselves. Anyone new to gaming and confused about why Sega exists at all only needs to look to the games they developed for the Dreamcast (and Saturn, and Genesis). →  The gamers have only interpreted the games, in various ways. The point, however, is to change them.

Video Game Quarter-Life Crisis

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I may be talking out of my ass (hell, I am), but I read something on Penny Arcade the other day about FFXII that got me thinking. The quote, from Gabe, was in reference to the new battle system in FFXII. I haven’t bought FFXII yet–my only experience was messing around with it at the past two E3’s. So I can’t really weigh in. Anyway, his quote was:

“Kara and I started playing FF XII last night. Only got a few hours in but my initial impressions are actually positive. It’s interesting, Kara is the one playing it and she actually really likes the move away from random battles and turn based combat. Apparently those are not the things she likes about the FF series. →  Your right post comes off?

Chris loves Jesus part 2

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Continued from Part 1

The casual (or obsessive?) reader may ask, “How does one foster a personal relationship with Jesus?” The best way for me was to translate it.

Don’t look at it too long or your brain will melt.

Long, long ago in a mindset far, far away I decided to translate a Famicom game by the name of Jesus: Kyoufu no Bio Monster. Despite all the difficult aspects of both translation and ROM hacking, I managed to create a patch that (I hope) carries across much of the feeling of the game.

The first task, naturally, was to figure out what in the hell was happening in the game. I could figure out the basics between context and the words I already knew. →  WELCOMETOTHENEXTARTICLE

Chris loves Jesus part 1

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I’d like to tell you all a little story about me and my friend named Jesus. No, not that Jesus… This Jesus doesn’t save. It uses passwords instead.

I like women who match their bedrooms.

When it comes to obscure and unknown games, it takes a lot to get much less known than Jesus: Dreadful Bio-Monster. Although it came out on several systems in Japan, it saw no English release. Despite the – somewhat recognizable – name, the game bears no teachings, or indeed any characters somewhat resembling, the well-known founder of Christianity (in fact, the name refers to a space station in the game). There is a bio-monster, however, and it inspires dread.

Jesus is an adventure survival horror game developed by Enix and published by King Records. →  Show me the reading!

A tale of E3, education and a fairy

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Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I worked with a magical 60 year old fairy. She saved me from the mundane tasks I was hired to perform and charged me with studying the field of video game education.

Suddenly, work became almost pleasant and thoughts of suicide (through suffocation by books) were pushed to the back of my subconscious. Little did I know, the Middle East was secretly and silently watching, waiting for a moment to pounce and destroy my happiness.

With the fairy behind me, I organized a presentation on video games and education for librarians across the country (or at least East Coast). Despite my inability to articulate my thoughts coherently during the question and answer sessions (though it may have been academics inability to ask questions that weren’t abstruse and pompous), the overall presentation was successful enough to secure me tickets to E3 in Los Angeles. →  NiGHTS into REaDS

Eulogy for the GameCube

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What can I say, GameCube? You had a good run these last five years, but your last exclusive release was Baten Kaitos Origins, back in September. Not even Nintendo themselves stuck it out until the end, moving Super Paper Mario onto the Wii. I’m sorry GameCube, but it’s time to say goodbye.

But let’s not look at your failures too much. Let us remember you as you were: a console that was home to some truly great games. You deserve it. And don’t worry about all those haters on the Internet, calling you a failure. In time, they’ll begin to understand.

You were released on Nov. 18th 2001 to a somewhat muted launch. In a surprise attack, Microsoft’s Xbox and their Halo stole much of your spotlight. →  I’m gonna take you for a read.

Life as a Game Tester: Episode 3

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As of this writing, my time in the video game industry is dwindling. When I took this job, I was only guaranteed work until the end of October, which is rapidly approaching. That’s the life of a QA tester, I guess. If your company doesn’t have anything playable for you to test, there’s not much reason to go to work everyday. Already, my day consists of me playing my own games more than the game we’re making, which isn’t necessarily bad. I call it “research.”

Right now, we have the second game I’ve worked on being tested by NOA and NOE. You can check out what that entails by reading Episode 2.

Nintendo’s quality control is not infallible.

It’s great to get a game to submission, but in my experience, it’s been the worst thing that can happen to a game in development. →  We have the best words.