Fevered Dreams of Video Games

the ultimate lasers…

…black and white… all rotating, is one superior? lasers everywhere…

white and black two way… four options but with homing blast, but which is the most true?

This is a rough transcript of my thoughts during a recent fever induced delirium. They may not make much sense to you, but I had pictures going along with the words in my head. Also, they didn’t really make sense to me. All I know is that when I’m very sick, I dream about shooters. This specific half asleep half awake episode seemed to be both comparing the minimalism of Ikaruga to the chock full of weapons Gradius V. I also thought I had come up with the perfect laser approach in all games. This makes no sense, of course.

Since this illness has kept me away from the site for almost a week it makes sense that I’d have writing on my mind. Other plans I’ve made sort of in a feverish sleep include writing a guide on advertising games to women, comparing names of games in some sort of purposeless chart, and analyzing why some games that integrate feature after feature work well (Mario 3) while most newer platformers that try this fail. At least two of these will probably become articles, so I guess I’m glad I felt like shit. It gave my mind time to run around while I laid in bed all day.

I did have one more idea. It’s a good one but probably pretty scummy. Somewhere around 4AM it dawned on me that I could spam companies with my site. This would be free advertising and simultaneously make me feel good for sticking it to “the man.” Basically, I could write an email aimed at the support staff, at the people who have to read customer complaints and crap like that, and then send it out to Gamestop, EB, Babbages, Software Etc, etc.

Dear Support Person,

You are at least sort of in the game industry. Have you ever thought about writing your experiences down for everyone to delight in? Even if you haven’t, I work an office job, too, and know how bored you are. I have a decently amusing little website you should check out when your boss stops reading over your shoulder. And even if you can’t look now because they track everything you do, it’s an easy to remember address so you can always look at home.

Something along those lines. The genius is some places have a large support staff, so until I get a cease and desist I could keep emailing help@ebgames.com with the same thing and probably reach a new person almost every time. I define spam as an advertisement for a product you didn’t ask for. Since these people are (sort of) in the industry the site is applicable to them, and more importantly, I don’t ask for any money, have any banners, or click here to buy on eBay links or any of that crap. Also, I don’t sell penis cream. Maybe it’s still too low, though. I’ll have to think about it.

Next time you get sick, see if you dream about video games. If you don’t, you are no where near as super hardcore and cool as I. That’s ok, though, few people are.

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