Reviews

Review – Ikaruga

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Is the game really about black and white or red and blue? It really makes you think.

Old-school shooters are a dying genre. There are only a handful of franchises left today, but there used to be countless shooters at your local arcade. Were they too hard for the masses? Did the arcades take something with them when they were given the final blow? It’s probably a combination of a lot of things, but at least one thing is for sure: Treasure knows shooters and Ikaruga is testament to that. Filled with excruciatingly difficult gameplay, Ikaruga makes you work for your fun.

If you’ve ever played Gradius or Galaga, you essentially know how to play Ikaruga. It’s an old-school shooter that pits you against an entire army of ships wanting to decimate you. →  Read it your way.

Sword of the Stars Demo Review

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“Fear my complex arrangement of polygons!”

Let me start out by saying that I feel as if Kerebros made a serious error in the release of their “demo” of Sword of the Stars. This is not a demo. At least, I seriously hope it isn’t. It really seems to be more of a “beta demo preview” than anything else. What’s in a name? In calling it a demo, you set the expectations that you’re seeing a small slice of the real game (which you are). But after playing the demo, not extensively, but sufficiently, I can say that I would be a little worried if this was a small slice of the real game, as opposed to a teaser trailer/beta of a game in development. →  Now bear my arctic post.

Review – Devil May Cry 3

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Charlton Heston defends Dante’s right to own a gun capable of unleashing God’s wrath.

As I mentioned in our last episode, Devil May Cry 2 was indicative of the dark side of Capcom; the side that sees a hot new series and can’t help but try to run it into the ground with sequels of questionable quality. Of course, that also means that there is a good side to the company (which, judging by my stack of games, has been popping up a lot more often). This good side is on display when they focus on making polished, highly playable games that don’t try to be derivative or innovative, but instead are whatever the hell they want to be. Lucky for us, this was their only choice when it came to creating Devil May Cry 3. →  Apply directly to the forehead.

Review – Meteos

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As I have argued elsewhere on this site, I think Nintendo is doing wild and crazy things with their new age of systems that, if a few things fall into place correctly, will allow Nintendo to become a serious player again in the coming console war. They have simplified controls to the point that they are no longer intimidating to non-gamers and created games that appeal to entire demographics that are not traditionally interested in gaming. Meteos is the perfect example of how this strategy can succeed.

Blasting dirty hippy peace signs off of a planet is very rewarding.

Meteos is a straightforward puzzle game. Using the stylus, you line up at least three blocks of the same color, which then “launch.” →  Fire Post Wrestling Returns

Review – Frequency

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Tron? Rez? A seizure?

So here it is, Harmonix’s first console game, Frequency. The gameplay is essentially the same as playing DDR with a pad; notes cascade along the screen, and you hit buttons along to the beat. But Frequency isn’t about simulating dance steps — the angle here is on music generation and remixing. In this respect, the game manages to provide a unique experience that is only possible thanks to the nature of videogames. On the other hand, like DDR on a pad, there’s only so much fun that can be had with such basic gameplay. Harmonix tries to add some features to make it more like an arcade shooter, but ultimately Frequency walks a very fine line between being an actual game and just an interesting tool. →  Oreshika: Tainted Postlines

Review – Devil May Cry 2

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DMC 2 was absolutely grilled when it was brand new. Okay, so maybe grilled is too strong of a word – the shills at Gamepro still manage to slip it a 7+ review as is their fashion. Still, most reviewers were not at all thrilled, and made it very clear that this sequel was a severe downgrade from its predecessor.

Take this, you stupid wall!

Yet despite all the bashing, the bad words, and the obvious warning signs, I felt compelled to check this game out. Part of it was the completionist in me wanting to finish the entire trilogy. Part of it was the fact that many of those same reviews were filled with glaring errors (complaining about moves that debuted in the first game) and more smarmy jokes than actual criticism. →  Four out of five dentists recommend reading more.

Review – The Ship

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This game is 50% murder, 50% fashion.

Wander over to the video game design laboratory, and mix together a bizarre concoction of FPS, the Sims, and old school board game Clue, and you’ve got yourself The Ship Online, a Steam based game developed by Outer Limits. Originally a mod for Half-Life, The Ship followed in Counters Strike’s footsteps of selling out. In this fun filled game, you run around a 1930’s luxury cruise ship, being hunted by other passengers while seeking your own quarry to cruelly execute through any number of bizarre ways.

Ordinarily, I couldn’t care less about a game’s back story, but in The Ship’s case it’s helpful to explain the game’s bizarre premise and how it plays out. →  One must imagine video games happy.

Review – Super Smash Brothers Melee

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Down and Out: Super Smash Brothers Melee and the glory that is the KO

If Luigi doesn’t come down from there he’s going to miss the orgy.

Oh, 2D fighting games. At first glance, they seem like the wet dreams of nine year-old video game enthusiasts: smashing a whole bunch of buttons will result in smorgasbord of pain and, with a bit of luck, embarrassment for the poor sap from down the street who always comes over because he doesn’t have the coolest system. But after a while, the whole genre seems, well played out. Sure, the numerous Capcom games where various X-Men or Marvel characters fight against obscure characters from every single game Capcom has ever released ever (US or Japan) may be fun for a while, but they quickly lose their spark. →  Hot Shots Post 3

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Review – Devil May Cry

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Now that I look back, a lot of action games from the N64/Playstation era were trash. Most involved rudimentary combos, bad controls, and unnecessary platforming elements. They weren’t good at taking advantage of 3d, and looked ugly as sin to boot. You were better off finding a copy of Final Fight or Contra if you wanted a polished action experience.

Even today, it isn’t hard to see why those classic 2d action games were, and still are, so damn good. They realized the importance of simple, precise control that gave the player all the tools they needed to succeed against the onslaught of enemies. Victory required the player to keep a cool head among the chaos, and to find enemies’ weaknesses by recognizing patterns. →  The happiest post on Earth.

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Review – Kingdom Hearts

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I’m not sure why Jay asked me to review Kingdom Hearts. The game is fairly old by now, and just about everyone who wanted to play it already has. Then there’s the fact that the sequel has been out for months. Looks like I’m a little late to the party, but I still intend to crash it.

Kingdom Hearts is a perfectly mediocre game. At its best it was a lighthearted diversion, one that I could play while enjoying my then-girlfriend’s company while not having to think too hard about it. At its worst it was a mess of poorly implemented design choices based on typical Square drudgery and messy, stolen scraps from the Book of Miyamoto. If I had any care for in game stories, I probably wouldn’t have finished, as the game takes Disney characters and plots and compresses them into dull, mediocre shells of their former selves that are more offensive than enjoyable. →  And so it games…

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