The state of videogame movies

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Uwe Boll has done it again with BloodRayne. Not since the blockbuster Alone in the Dark has a movie kept me so close to peeing in my pants at its sheer awesomeness. German superstar Boll shows promise of becoming the next Hitchcock, but don’t be surprised if in 50 years comparing the two directors is a major insult to Boll.

Those who question Majesco’s motives for licensing the BloodRayne property have been silenced. They clearly did not just sell their IP to anyone who would pay any amount of money for it. Majesco saw the same blinding aura of talent we all see in Boll and placed their faith in him accordingly. The company put the respectability of their character on the line for this movie and it paid off in a big way (the movie is almost as sophisticated as BloodRayne’s nude shots in Playboy).

BloodRayne’s tightly written story follows the dhampir Rayne (the title is a pun, do you get it?), →  Do a barrel read!

Review – Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade

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Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade
Developed by Sony Online Entertainment
Published by Sony Online Entertainment
Released 3.24.05

I grade games on a 100 point scale broken down into several categories. Each category gives a maximum of 20 points. The combined total is score of the game.

Take these six points of damage! And you take these seven!!!.

A 100 = perfect.

Graphics: 15
Music: 15
Game play: 13
Plot: 15
Replay ability: 10
Total Value: 63%

The first thing I thought upon getting this title was “whoa my first PSP game!” Approximately 2 hours after playing the game my impression was “What the hell is this game trying to be? Handheld Diablo 2?” And I still think it is.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Diablo 2. My Amazon was something to be feared; even Jay’s nancy Barbarian trembled in fear from her when we were hunting Diablo in the depths of hell. In any event, as I said this game was trying to be Diablo 2. →  Ys: The Article of Napishtim

The Year in Review Reviewed

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When I conceived this site I already knew I wanted it to be not just about games, but about the industry and game media. Actually, those high ideas came after my initial idea of, “If I have a site I’ll get rich, famous, and have 12 wives without becoming a Mormon.” But the thing about the different parts of gaming came soon after. To the cynic, which you should be unless you’re one of those brain-dead optimistic people, an article reviewing other websites material is simply a desperate gesture by a bottom feeder. I assure you that while this is true, I really am dedicated to the idea of reporting on reporting. So look forward to more articles on magazines and other sites (or just read other magazines or sites, they’re far better).

Major sites generally do an annual roundup and give out awards for the ending year. After reading Gamespot’s and Gamespy’s awards I have come up with some observations, complaints and kudos. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

A New Years Resolution

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I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday, unless you don’t have any this time of year, in which case I suggest you get a better religion (preferably one that focuses on candles, bunnies, or gifts). I had an excellent vacation in NY with my family and friends and got to participate (or instigate) many video game related activities. I picked up Zelda Four Swords while doing some last minute gift shopping, forced Pat to play Fire Emblem in the terrible traffic on the ride home, then made our way through the Final Fantasy 12 demo (neither of us were impressed), spent an hour or two playing Metropolismania then got to 4 Swords. I also convinced my brother and brother in law to play Guitar Hero and got my brother’s girlfriend hooked on Wario Ware Twisted. Then for Festivus my girlfriend (finally) gave me Paper Mario 2 and Psychonauts. Then there was some other crap with a tree, family dinner, baking cookies, etc. →  The review for ‘Shark Sandwich’ was merely a two word review which simply read ‘Read Sandwich.’

Small big improvements

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There are a number of small and debatably inconsequential flaws that reoccur in game after game. Always ready to take up unnecessary arms, I have outlined a few of these problems. Each genre has its own issues, but I’ll be looking at things that can generally be found in RPGs. Immersion is important in all games, but particularly necessary in a good RPG. These complaints all revolve around enhancing immersion without significantly changing the game design.

No matter how far storylines advance, most games have merchants that have exactly one thing to say to the player. This flaw makes sure the player is reminded that he is not actually taking part in a living environment, but rather a cold and hardwired video game. Some small effort on the part of the designers would do much to alleviate this problem.

Merchants who have a lot of greetings not only feel natural in complex RPGs with dozens of well developed characters, but more importantly they do not jar a player from an immersive experience. →  Silent Post 2

Am I a jerk?

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Am I a jerk for not being excited by the new XBox?

Am I no fun because I’m waiting for more than a game I want to play before spending $400?

Am I ignorant for not noticing anything new yet besides the graphics?

Am I a bad gamer for not getting into the hype of a new generation of systems?

Am I unpatriotic because I dislike rampant consumerism that drives us to spend hundreds of dollars for a better looking football game?

Am I a technophobe because I wish the current generation would last longer?

Am I an idealist for thinking we could still do so much with this hardware?

Am I a cynic for thinking new consoles are pushed on us so we need to keep spending hundreds of dollars?

I dunno, probably.

Review – Zelda: Wind Waker

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Zelda: Wind Waker
Developed by Nintendo
Published by Nintendo
Released 3.24.03

Mr. Link, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?

I grade games on a 100 point scale broken down into several categories. Each category gives a maximum of 20 points. The combined total is score of the game.

A 100 = perfect.

Graphics: 20

Music: 20

Game play: 20

Plot: 10

Replay ability: 10

Total Value: 80%

What can be said of The Wind Waker? Gorgeous! Smooth! Colorful! An auditory pleasure! No plot. As with most game of the Zelda franchise the story is rather dull if not redundant. Collect your power up items (Triforce parts and weapons) kill the bad guy, and make sweet sweet underage lovin’s to the princess.

The environments are a little underdetailed but extremely sharp and clean.

On the surface you’re probably saying, gee isn’t this basically just a remake of the 1 st Nintendo Zelda I fell in love with back in 1987? →  Zone of the Readers: The 2nd Reader

Review – Wario Ware, Inc.

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Wario Ware, Inc.
Developed by Nintendo and Intelligent Systems
Published by Nintendo
Released 10.17.03

Nintendo gets a bad rap (from normal people, not losers like me). They practically invented the platform game, brought video games back after the crash of the early 80’s, showed us how a 3D platformer should look, perfected the action RPG, pioneered handheld gaming and released a headset game system after even Sega pulled the plug on their Virtual (or should I say Virtua) Reality system (although not doing what Sega does is generally good business practice). Well add another accomplishment to Nintendo’s long list, because Wario Ware Inc is incredibly different.

The Daddy Mac will make you…

Most games made up of minigames are crappy, but if the games are good enough then the game as a whole can be excellent, like Pirates! (everything), Mr. Bones (Saturn) or Donald Duck (C64). Understanding this, Nintendo and Intelligent Designs had the genius idea to stuff 200 or so microgames into one cart. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

Testers Wanted

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I have seen very little sunlight over the past few days because of a game called Civilization 4. It’s still unclear whether it is an improvement for the series or if it beats the almighty Alpha Centuari, but it is damned good fun and super addictive. Because I NEED to keep playing, its technical flaws really get under my skin. I’m not talking about lacking textures, low polygon counts or jagged edges. The Play disc being mislabeled is just a hint of the upcoming misery that many gamers have suffered through to get their Civ fix.

My computer is above the minimum requirements, yet there is still a massive slowdown with the graphics set to the lowest level. Sometimes the game stalls for a solid 2 or 3 minutes. Weird white graphic glitches appeared pretty regularly, so I headed over to the major Civ site to find out what the hell was going on. It turns out a lot of people, or a few very vocal people, were having all sorts of problems. →  Phoenix Write: Just Posts for All

Working Designs meets their Designer

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“First of all, sorry for being incommunicado for such a long time. It’s been a busy time, as you’ll see.

There’s no easy way to say it, so I just will. Working Designs is gone. All the staff has been laid off and the office is closed and has been for some time. Yes, the website is still here, and I am going to do my best to keep it tucked away somewhere on the ‘net so it doesn’t become an illicit domain. (Of course, some of the haters may be of the mind that it’s been illicit all along, heh!).

The most frustrating part of all of this is that I know that our fanbase is still there. Growlanser Generations sold well, but of course not better than it would have sold as two separate titles. We just spent too much time fighting the good fight to even get it out, and other games approved.

Though almost finished and substantially improved from the Japanese release, Goemon is dead for the US, and that was really the final straw.

 →  Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty article.