Reviews PC

Computer games are a conspiracy to make consumers buy new hardware.

Review – Civilization 4: Colonization?

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I can’t even figure out exactly what the name of the Colonization remake is, so we’ll just call it Colonization 2. In an attempt to drive sales, it has Civ 4 mixed in the title, since the game leverages the Civ 4 engine (and more importantly the Civilization brand name), but you don’t actually need Civ 4 to play. Despite the confusing title, the game itself is not confusing.

Like every Firaxis effort for the past two years or so, it’s a game with a great deal of promise and terrible QA testing that is largely carried by a talented and extremely forgiving community that does Firaxis’ work for them. Interestingly, this might be why Civ Revs is currently covered in “This game sucks” threads; the community cannot mod an Xbox 360 game. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

Review – The Spirit Engine 2

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Five years ago, as a younger lad with a small budget and an unending hankering for good games, I would scour the internet searching for quality freeware. Generally my searches ended in failure; though such games existed, they often had no story and little depth. One of the few games that caught my attention, though, was The Spirit Engine. It looked polished (for the time) and had the feel of a late SNES RPG – the perfect combination. Although my interest waned over the course of several hours, and I did not complete it (though I now intend to), it was a refreshing experience for the same reasons for which I will now laud its successor.

On finding out The Spirit Engine 2 even existed several days ago, nostalgia for the original drove me to look into it. →  Eh, I’ve got nothing better to do.

Review – Spore

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I am not sure how to introduce this review so I am going to start gently. If I were the kind of guy that was into fellating people to get what I want, there would be a short list of people that I would be willing to drop to my knees for. Right off the top of my head, I can only actually think of two men, the first being Trent Reznor if he promised to give me another album equal to or greater than The Downward Spiral; the second guy is Will Wright.

I can’t think of what I would ask Will Wright for in exchange for orally pleasing him but if he were into bartering, I am sure I could come up with something. →  Article Hominid

Review – Seven Kingdoms: Conquest

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Imagine throwing the major pre-gunpowder empires in history into a grand free-for-all. The Japanese would have samurai and ninja, Vikings would have axethrowers and berserkers, Normans would have crossbowmen and knights, and so on. Now imagine adding in random demon lairs that attack human settlements. This is the setting of Seven Kingdoms, an RTS with several fairly deep mechanics, including unit loyalty, economy balancing, and a great espionage system. Its sequel would go on to refine each of these, adding more civilizations and the ability to play as the demonic races of the Fryhtans. Both have a deep complexity that keeps me playing when other RTS games start to feel too shallow.

Unfortunately, I am reviewing neither of these games here. →  Videolamer does what IGNotDoes.

Review – Knights & Merchants

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Knights & Merchants is a sim’s sim. In fact, it’s a sim’s sim’s sim. They don’t come much simmier than this.

It’s not a new game, but it’s hardly well-known. The game is said to be quite popular in its homeland of Germany, but knowing no German nor Germans, I cannot say for sure. I came across it many years ago, and after actually doing research for an article, found that it is nearly 10 years old. An expansion, The Peasants’ Rebellion, came out in English more recently, although non-German resources on it are hard to find. For its age, Knights & Merchants does its job quite well. Depending on who you ask, that job could be creating a living and breathing city, sucking your time away like a sponge, or boring you completely out of your mind. →  Can you read me now?

Review – Eve Online Empyrean Age

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Every so often, Eve does a major patch, introduces new goodies, and calls it an expansion. Normally I’d mock such marketing tactics, but since Eve doesn’t charge for these expansions, I will instead laud them. The last patch, Trinity, finally updated the ancient Eve graphics engine, setting the bar high for any future add-ons. Empyrean Age focuses around in-game content, specifically “faction warfare.” Faction warfare is one of those things that developers talk about for a long time but nothing ever comes of, sort of like World of Warcraft’s “Hero Classes,” which took two expansions (and the second isn’t out yet) for an underwhelming single class. Accordingly, the Eve community was skeptical of this mythical “faction warfare.”

Fortunately, the Empyrean Age brings one of the more seamless and thoroughly entertaining integrations of player vs. →  Think outside the post.

Review – Sam & Max: Night of the Raving Dead

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I’ll be honest with you. When I started writing this review, I was only doing it to get this game out of the way. I really wanted to review episodes 4 and 5, and it just didn’t seem right to skip this tale of the emo undead, no matter how mediocre I may have found it upon first playthrough. As I began writing, however, I realized that this game taught me something. It taught me why I play Sam and Max. Not a deep, meaningful life lesson by any means, but a lesson nonetheless.

To catch people up who haven’t played the game already, New York is invaded by hoards of zombies, and Sam and Max must travel to Stuttgart in order to stop them at their source: a castle-turned-goth-club called “The Zombie Factory.” →  It might come in handy if you, the master of reading, take it with you.

Review – Sins of a Solar Empire

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Real Time Strategy games have been somewhat dormant in the past few years. The big expectation, of course, is that Starcraft 2 will re-energize the genre and spawn another wave of imitators. The 4X genre, on the other hand, has been bolstered by Galactic Civilization 2 and is being “dumbed down” for the widely anticipated Civilization Revolutions, due out in June. Speaking of Civ, Beyond the Sword, while excellent, is horribly buggy and has been heavily neglected and unsupported by Firaxis. Seriously, Firaxis, you guys are sell-out assholes, and I will continue to call you out until you patch BTS properly instead of cashing in on Civ Rev.

In the meantime, to satiate your 4X and RTS desires all at once, we have Sins of a Solar Empire, the first of its kind: a 4X RTS. →  Four out of five dentists recommend reading more.

Review – Call of Duty 4 Multiplayer

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Throughout the history of Xbox Live there have been several games that have been the most played at any given time, but no one had a doubt as to which would eventually become the undisputed champion. Nothing, it seemed, could top Halo 3. Now here we are, in the month of March, and Halo 3 is in an almost weekly battle for number one. Its competition is one of the top games of 2008, a title that was a guaranteed success, but which no one thought would become a viable contender against Bungie’s Goliath. That game, of course, is Call of Duty 4, and after just a couple of rounds of play you will see what the fuss is about.

Developer Infinity Ward has been making quality multiplayer games since the original Call of Duty – CoD 3 was made for multiplayer enhancements more than anything. →  What is word? Baby don’t read me.

Review – Call of Duty 4 Single Player

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Like so many other people in the gaming world, I must admit that I like Call of Duty 4’s Single Player campaign a hell of a lot. There are the usual reasons, such as its high level of polish and a well built game engine, but the bottom line is that COD4 is one of the few modern shooters that both understands and implements the storytelling techniques of Half Life 2. This is important not only because it can make for a great experience, but it shows that Infinity Ward truly is a premiere developer, one who understands what a shooter can (and sometimes should) do.

When I discuss the “Half Life 2” way of doing things, I am referring to that game’s ability to use scripted scenes and setpieces from start to finish, and somehow make them feel like a massive, detailed, living world. →  Lords of the Read 2