Articles

Tuesdays (Wednesdays) with Morrie (Andrew)

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My elderly (42) friend Morrie (Andrew) is dying (he is not) of cancer (massive hemorrhoids). Understandably, he (probably) came to me and said, “I cannot imagine the regret of leaving this world without becoming familiar with Sega’s legendary Saturn console.” I pointed out that the shame his family would endure would force them to leave the state because I don’t think he was fully considering the precariousness of his position. 

Luckily for Morrie (Andew), I am a very generous person living with some woman, three children, and an inordinate amount of free time. “Honey, the only time this man plays Saturn, let alone Sega CD Make My Video games, is when I invite him over promising to watch a movie he really wants to see and then forcing him to instead play old console games,” I considered saying. “What a travesty, and I still can’t get over the cancer,” I imagine she would respond, if I spoke to the woman in my house. →  Final Fantasy Mystic Post

Rest in Peace, Kirk

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videolamer has belatedly learned of the tragic shooting of an important warrior for Christianity who dedicated his life to helping Americans show us their smile again. It is with heavy heart that we must waste many minutes crying for Kirk Cameron, who was tragically gunned down in Utah in September. Though his mission seems to be over, I can guarantee that we are nowhere near the end. There are millions dedicated to his teachings and I promise you that the best is ready to begin.

When I look round at the other proud patriots I realize that as long as we’ve got each other, we will one day be victorious. The Globalists may seem to be in charge but I remind you, as Kirk Cameron often did, that Jesus has the world spinning right in his hands. Side by side with Him, you and me have got to be as powerful as any army the world has ever seen. Never quit pursuing our dream of a better world. →  Game is dead. Game remains dead. And we have killed it.

2005 – 2025: Taste Differences and Opinion Shifts, Part 2

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Last post we brought you Cunzy and Chris’s’s comparisons of their 2005 versus 2025 tastes. Now, we bring you the Shaolin duo of Pat and Jay. Expect about 4,000% more discussion of Souls games and then be disappointed that somehow those games didn’t come up. Don’t you feel foolish? I do mention Shenmue, though.

Pat

In 2009 I began keeping a spreadsheet that tracks all the games I finish each year. Astute readers will note that 2009 happened after 2005, and conclude that I do not have a complete and accurate record of the games I played that year. My memory – I know where I lived at that time and can remember playing certain games there – and the internet provide some clues to what I was playing in or around 2005, and comparing what I think I was playing then to what I play today reveals more similarities than differences. 

Through that period the majority of my gaming took place on a PS2. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

2005 – 2025: Taste Differences and Opinion Shifts, Part 1

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Based on my math, 2005 was 20 years ago. I have used this pleasing round number as an excuse to write about the games I was playing then and compare them to what I play today. The other videolamer contributors were also asked for contributions and some even answered – see their exciting responses above mine, which will actually be posted in a Part 2, because I am nothing if not the most humble person on earth.

Cunzy

I often think about how, as a gamer* the best time to be born was late 70s-early 80s. We went from not having computers at home to early home systems, LCD handhelds, home consoles and handheld systems to all singing, all dancing entertainment and gaming monoliths under the TV. We filled in the pixel worlds with our imaginations to translate yellow squares into dragons, coins, cars and spaceships, blips and bloops into epic soundtracks all the way through to games-as-a-lifestyle, cinematic, limitless, endlessly playable, online, living multiverse games. →  Just read it.

A New Ratings System: A Framework for Inertia, Flow, and Satisfaction

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I did not enjoy Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.  Playing it felt like a chore much of the time.  I was satisfied, though, when I finished it.  This juxtaposition made me think more about how I feel about games and gaming.

There are games that I enjoy playing and that make me feel satisfied when I finish them (most RPGs).  There are also games that I enjoy playing that leave me feeling unsatisfied when I finish them (Roguelites).  Many games are somewhere in the middle – for example, grand strategy games such as Europa Universalis IV or Civilization get me into a flowstate, and there is satisfaction in seeing a nation develop over the course of a 10-hour multi-session save.  All the same, completing that save (particularly in Civilization) feels empty.  Some story-heavy games, like Disco Elysium or 1000x Resist, make it harder to start a gaming session as there is a lot of context or the game is hard to navigate.  →  Game is dead. Game remains dead. And we have killed it.

Wasting time reading old magazines

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The Video Game History Foundation’s online archive of old magazines is now my favorite thing. Instead of spending all day at work refreshing a message board to see if any newly announced games remind me of old games, I just look at coverage of old games. Sure, the site fails to load the magazine you tried to view about 75% of the time If you get to it by searching for a specific game, but I’m not busy. And if you just progress by issues through a specific magazine, the site is mildly usable.

There are other magazine preservation websites and even archive.org keeps some in their archivedotorg. But that goes to show the power of PR. Not good PR because Frank Cifaldi comes across as someone who dislikes old games and people who like old games, but PR nonetheless. The guilt of having ignored these other sources and only jumping into old magazine scans because the Video Game History Foundation led me to check out issues of Sega Visions in the previously mentioned archive. →  Readbot Chronicles

20 Lame Years

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Like A Less Successful, Worse Insert Credit

videolamer is 20 years old. It has only been active for 8 of those years, but if productivity were the criteria for age I would be 11 and not 43. Celebrate with us by playing a round of Chu Chu Rocket and reading the garbage I wrote below.

Since our inception, we have received rave reviews from within and without the video game and industrial cleaning supply industries. Here are just some of the things people have been saying about videolamer:

“One of my top 100 favorite sites right now. [May, 2008]” – Max from gamelemon

“Where are the videos?” – my son

“I can’t read.” – my daughter

“Me pooped.” – a different my son

“The only meaningful thing I’ve ever done.” – me

“Not consistently funny enough to be a comedy website, not consistently serious enough to be a gaming website, not continually active enough to be a website.” – Tiger Beat

“Don’t give up.

 →  Assassin’s Read

Top 10 2002 PS2 Games Starting With D if Your Name is Steven Carlson

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  1. Drakan: The Ancients’ Gates
  2. Dual Hearts
Animals with two hearts don’t usually survive birth.
  1. Dynasty Tactics
  2. Disaster Report
  3. Disney Golf
After being warned by club management for a third time, Donald angrily covers his genitals with a hat.
  1. Dino Stalker
  2. Dynasty Warriors 3: Xtreme Legends
  3. Disney’s Treasure Planet
There is a chance this is an image from Treasure Planet, but no one knows.
  1. Drome Racers
  2. Dark Cloud 2

Switch 2 Technical Review – Shocking frame rates exposed!

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Currently playing: Foretales

I haven’t been following the news for some time because what you don’t know can’t hurt you, like the origin of this blood I’ve been coughing up for three months. If ICE comes to send me back to Africa, where I have on good authority all humanity is from, I can let them know I haven’t been following their activity and they will let me go because clandestine police forces with vague accountability are anything but unreasonable. At least that was my experience during my brief internship for Pinochet.

But news of the Switch Deux did somehow make it past the spoons and forks guarding my cave, and like any caveman, I am wowed by shiny things. Yes, I immediately bought the console after deciding I wasn’t going to buy it and ignoring the preorder period while judging the marks who wanted to buy an expensive piece of hardware sight unseen. Then, as if to mock those who want but cannot have the thing (which is likely evidence of a moral failing), I got one. →  You fool. Don’t you understand? No one wishes to read on…

Old Disappointments Revisited: JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Volume 1 (SNES)

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Over the past decade or so, I’ve tried to play every SNES RPG I can find, even if I don’t beat them all. I played most of them at some point via rentals, and I have fond memories of many of them (even Lagoon). Over the years, I have built my collection to include as many as I can reasonably justify (ex: I might pick up Brain Lord, but I’m probably not getting Dragon View). Even the most mediocre of these games has had some redeeming quality, but I’m here today to tell you about one that really doesn’t. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Volume 1, which should probably have been named “Volume 1 of 1” in retrospect, really doesn’t have that much going for it.

The good news is that it looks good enough. The bad news is that half the environment is half as navigable as it appears, and the other half is half riddled with boring fetch quests.
 →  [link only works on even seconds]