Christmas

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 12.22.06

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Resident Evil 5 not coming in ‘07
1up has reported that the next proper sequel in the Resident Evil franchise will be coming in 2008, if not later. I don’t know where I’ll be living or working in six months and I’m supposed to care about a game that may not be out for three years? Human life probably won’t even exist by that point, and if it does, we will surely have evolved gills and other radical changes that will make gaming obsolete. Capcom might as well just say that Resident Evil 5 is never coming out.

Good games coming to the Virtual Console this Christmas
Some people have bitched about the low quality of Virtual Console titles. For every Zelda, Nintendo gives us a Solomon’s Key, Altered Beast and Tennis. →  Illiterates hate her! Click to read this one weird trick.

videolamer’s Holiday Shopping Guide

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Knowing what game to buy for whom is a job all in itself, especially for out of touch parents. If reading review after review of technical mumbo jumbo sounds like too much work, the videolamer Holiday Shopping Guide is for you. Simply identify which grouping best fits the lucky recipient of your gifts then follow every word of advice to the letter and Christmas/ Chanukah/ Kwanza / Ramadan/ Festivus/ Dhanvantari Trayodashi will be saved.

The Indiscriminate Eye

Who they are: We all have that friend or relative who seems to have had their taste assigned to them by pop radio, Howard Stern and MTV. While it would seem these people should be easy to shop for, they actually react quite violently to anything that is unpopular. →  Article Hominid

How to write a Holiday Shopping Guide

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If you are running any sort of successful games website, you should already have your Holiday Shopping Guide up and collecting income. These guides are essential for grabbing a nice chunk of holiday web traffic and advertising money from online retailers. If by some chance you still haven’t made yours, videolamer is here to help with this easy to follow step by step guide.

1) Start Early:
In the last decade, we marketing folk succeeded in eliminating Thanksgiving from the collective minds of everyone but grocery stores and the NFL. And, if our research is correct, people are glad that the stress and frustration of holiday shopping can now go on for an even longer stretch of time. This means that you can publish your guide at any point in November. →  Read Read Revolution: Disney Channel Edition

The cost of gaming (or not gaming)

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This New Year’s, I’ll be in London. My vacation promises to be sweet, but something struck me earlier today. Does it count as regicide if the royal family is merely allowed to keep their castle for show? If you accidentally run down the Queen whilst driving the wrong way (which would be her fault in the first place for allowing people to drive on the left side of the street) does it count as vehicular regicide?

Also, if I didn’t go to England, I could afford a PS3. You must be saying, “What are you, a fucking idiot? The point of life is to experience new things, see new places, run over queens. It’ll do you good to get out of your bedroom and will give your forearm muscles some time to heal.” →  You fool. Don’t you understand? No one wishes to read on…

Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 7.7.06

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Japanese game market doing better
The market is up 33% in the first half of the 2006. Unsurprisingly, Nintendo played a large role. While I prepare the next news point, you pick one of the two following arguments:

– The Japanese game market is being revitalized by innovation. The success of the DS is a sure sign that the Wii will do well in Japan.

– The Japanese game market is being revitalized by handhelds. This does not mean their interest in consoles will pick up.

Ok, now find a friend who picked the argument you didn’t. Found someone? Excellent, now debate.

“Damn, I really need to shave my head and lose some weight.”

Microsoft’s iPod killer coming this Christmas
Funny, MS Word doesn’t recognize iPod as a word. →  All the lonely gamers, where do they all come from?

The greatest video game mascot hands down in the history of the universe

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Who is the best video game mascot? Mario some would answer, but they’d be stupid and wrong. Mario is overweight, and obesity is a large problem in America. If you enjoy Mario’s plump antics, you obviously don’t enjoy America or freedom.

Sonic is another obvious choice, but he is bright blue and for children. Have you ever seen his cartoon show? Not the over serious ABC piece of crap, but the one with terrible drawings and life lessons at the end of each episode. While it’s respectable that his ultimate goal is to beat up a fat guy, he saves too many animals and cares too much about the planet on his journey. Sonic is a good choice for a six year old vegan, but not men like us. →  Secread of Evermore

Was the DS Lite worth the wait?

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First, I would like to thank GameStop employees for repeatedly threatening that if I don’t reserve a DS Lite there’d be no chance of me getting one. A few weeks ago when there was news that Targets and Walmarts began selling the system early, I drove from Target to Target looking. The attendant in the GameStop in the same mall as one of the Targets was less than helpful when I asked about the DSL.

“Do you have any used games to trade in?”
“Umm, no. So I hear Target jumped the DS Lite ship date.”
“The DS Lite comes out on the 11th.”
“Ok, but you guys aren’t selling them early by any chance to compete, are you?”
“If you want one you’ll have to pre-order it now. →  Sega Ages 2500 Series Vol. 5: Golden Post

What is a hardcore gamer?

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Holy crap the Serious Games Summit looks like fun!

So E3 has come and gone. I missed out on most of the news and hoopla, in favor of catching up after the dust settled. I did, however, read more than a few articles that popped up in the month prior to E3, specifically those that dealt with the marketing aspect of the games industry. I’ve seen articles discussing mobile games, non-roleplaying MMO’s, and a mysterious new thing called “Serious games.”

Most of this meant very little to me in the long run, but one debate that has been brought up as of late has piqued my interest: “Who is a hardcore gamer, how do and why should we cater to them?” →  Rayman Reading Rabbids

An E3 for the proletariat: Console wars and Wii hands on

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The big thing, of course, at this year’s E3 was the console showdown. First, you have the second generation of Xbox360 games, which look to be, as expected, a vast improvement over the first generation. Next, you have the PS3, which, frankly, looks unimpressive. And last, of course, is the Wii. As I started writing this, I was standing in a line so long for the Wii that if the damn thing doesn’t make my dick grow two inches and women love me even more, it was a waste of time.

I’d like to touch on the upcoming price war, and wonder what the fuck Sony is thinking. Sony has always been positioned as the Cadillac of systems, targeting adults focuses on superior performance and typically a very robust game offering. →  Read Dead Redemption

Flash game review bonanza 1

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There are a lot of flash games on the internet, and most of them suck harder than a hooker on Christmas. So, in order to avoid having to write six angst-riddled reviews of six horrible games, as well as give the set of games I review some feeling of cohesiveness, I’ve decided to provide reviews for the top six rated games at the infamous flash portal at www.newgrounds.com. Enjoy!

Raiden X

Creator: Go0gley
Genre: top-down shooter

Water attack
Laser of Doom- $5000. Futuristic air force jet- $20000000. Getting your neighbor’s kid to draw your backgrounds – Priceless.

Synopsis: Raiden X was developed as a tribute to the Raiden games. It is a garden variety vertical shooter. Certain enemies will drop power ups that allow you to upgrade one of three types of weapons: a blue laser beam, red machine gun fire, or a purple lightning type energy.

 →  Xenosaga 2: Jenseits von Gut und Pöst
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