Weekly News We care About Wrap Up – 5.5.06

Analysts analyze the future through use of crystal ball
My arch enemy Michael Wallace of UBS Securities predicts this next generation console battle will be different than the last because the systems are so expensive. Startling revelation number two is that the Wii is unique so publishers won’t just port every game they make onto it. Wallace and his crony Stephen Kam think the “Wii” is a kiddy name but it won’t matter if the system has good games. Somehow these guys, who I assume majored in bullshit in college, missed the classes on image and branding because A) people don’t have infinite time to research everything so they often need to go with their gut reaction B) people are stupid and shallow and C) the name really is god awful.

The two don’t bother making a guess about who will win the next console war despite their job calling for them to make random guesses about everything else. The article ends with them guessing your lucky numbers, which are: 3,19, and 8.

Wait, someone actually worked on this?

Activision also doesn’t pay employees for overtime
The employee who brought the lawsuit worked on Generic Urban Themed Game #37 (True Crime: Streets of LA) so perhaps he didn’t deserve to be paid.

Consumer survey says PS3 is most anticipated new system
36% of IGN audience has allegiance to the PS3, 28% to the Xbox 360, and 22% to the Revolution. The remaining 14% are dedicated followers of The Phantom (or was it that they’re undecided?). The favorite genre of the total body surveyed was Action, with RPGs being the favorite of the undecided group.

Reactions to the Revolution’s name change
Choice quotes:
“Even though Wii meets many of the criteria Nintendo should be going for, it fails at the criteria “don’t pick a silly, awful-sounding name.”
“It’s bad enough that the Japanese have a drink called ‘Sweat,’ but at least they don’t try to export it to the English-speaking world with that name.”
“‘The Beatles’ is one of the lamest names for a band, ever.”
“I want to be a brand consultant and make big bucks coming up with completely idiotic names for things and chuckling all the way to the bank as suits make fools of themselves announcing their new name.”
“It’s telling when a product name needs a 150-word explanation. It clearly doesn’t stand on its own…”

My cell phone plays games from 1989 AND hurts my hands. Beat that.

Someone else notices that cell phone games suck
Top reasons people don’t play cell phone games — Choice of games, price of games, and lack of interest. Cell phones are not game devices. Portable systems hurt my hands enough and they’re three times the size of a cell phone. Everything doesn’t have to do everything and the sooner humans realize this the better off we’ll be. I don’t want a pen that plays MP3’s, a toilet that doubles as a full body mirror, or a cell phone that plays games. Besides, I already have carpel tunnel because I type with two fingers. No thanks, cell phone games.

Rob Pardo of Blizzard makes Time’s influential people list
Oh, so now designing a game that has over six million plays makes you “influential”? All I know is that Jesus better top that list every year.

Microsoft buys in game ad company
Unwilling to play a passive roll in game advertising, Microsoft has bought Massive Inc. It sort of feels like a conflict of interest to me. If a developer says that in game ads are a necessary evil I am unhappy but understand, when the developer designs the ads themselves I find it harder to sympathize. I guess MS wanted to take a hands on approach to destroying immersion in their games.

Oblivion rating changes from T to M
As Christian discussed yesterday, the ESRB found more blood, gore and nipples in Oblivion than they thought they would. Bethesda, the game’s designer, claims the hack that allows for female characters to run around topless uses a mesh that the hackers made. I have read conflicting reports on this. Some say Bethesda themselves modeled the human characters nude, as is often the practice, and the hack simply allows the nude models to be seen. Other reports agree with Bethesda’s official announcement by claiming all nudity is solely the work of hackers. A final bit I read claimed the nudity was there, but the hack reveals it AND adds a more realistic nipple to the breast.

If anyone knows the truth behind this, please let me know.

You’ve got a purdy mouth.

DS Lite on its way
June 11th for $130 only in white. Looks like I’ll be buying one along with the new 2D Super Mario Brothers.

New Shadowrun game confirmed
The Genesis Shadowrun still holds a place in my heart and I still dream of playing the Japanese only Sega CD version so I was excited to hear a new one was being developed. Of course it won’t be by BlueSky, the developer of the Gnesis game, so there is no reason to think it’ll be as awesome as the old game, but I still had hopes. Until I found out it’s going to be a FPS. Apparently the golden rule of video game design says everything is better if it is photorealistic, first person perspective, and has a snow boarding level.

Oh, and for all my one friends who plays the pen and paper Shadowrun, yes I know the game’s roots. Yes, it was better before it was a video game. Yes, the Genesis version sucks because it doesn’t do justice to the original rules. Etc.

Library of Congress discussing how to preserve games
Odd how it seems like some of the government wants to ban games and some of the government wants to preserve them forever as a part of our cultural heritage. The Library of Congress picked This is Spinal Tap as a movie worth preserving so I have nothing but respect for them.

> Ozzy

Seven Guitar Hero 2 tracks announced
Most importantly, War Pigs by Black Sabbath. I’ve already begun practicing on air guitar. It may be blasphemy, but when I play it I’ll be imagining Mike Patton singing and not Ozzy. The guy is just more talented.

No sex games at E3

Naughty America the Game will not be allowed at this E3. Apparently keen on missing the point, E3 has banned sexy booth babes along with sexy games. Booth babes being required to wear clothing = not exploiting women. Games with sexual content not being allowed = censorship. A game is designed, it is creative and its content should (usually) be respected and considered art. A woman wearing pasties may be aesthetically pleasing but is not art and therefore is not necessary at a game trade show. I guess this is the slippery slope back to Puritan values I should’ve feared when calling for booth babes to be banned.

Terrorists use games to recruit…terrorists
Looks like the terrorists won. Al Qaeda must have state of the art caves.

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Golden Jew
Golden Jew
18 years ago

I talked to a friend of mine (my anonymous sponsor to E3) about the non scantily clad booth babe thing. He said that apparently this is normal, and it ensures they wear short skirts instead of just thongs.

If I find less T&A than past years though, I’m gonna be pissed.

18 years ago



18 years ago

And also, do you really believe that women choosing to dress scantily and get paid for it are being exploited? Thats just silly.

18 years ago

i agree with the booth babes are stupid because it should be about games sentiment, but not that they (or strippers for that matter) are exploited. they had a choice between stocking shelves at a convenience store or taking their clothes off for money.

18 years ago

And sometimes they genuinely enjoy doing that type of work. I think its the most sexist thing in the world to say that a woman can’t do a job like that without being exploited.

Golden Jew
Golden Jew
18 years ago

Not to sound like a prick (which means I will), but LA, and the show/modeling business is totally different from the rest of the world. What would be considered sexual harassment in every other industry is not in LA. In particular, 90% of Booth Babes are entry level models grateful for work. I’d say the other 10% are hot girls who knew the right people and like games. Remember, they’re models, they are SELLING THEIR BODIES. At this stage in their career, they need to build a portfolio of experience and work to get to a decent job (like being exploited in magazines!). E3 is a pretty tame environment– most geeks are too timid to harass the girls, and actually are viewing the games first. It’s not softcore porn, which is one of their other viable alternatives to be “noticed” so to speak.

And as to the “the show should be about the games” comment– it is. It’s a trade show. Go to any “cool” industry tradeshow (consumer electronics, cars, boats, whatever) and you’re going to see skin. Frankly, you could argue that all the free swag is excess, because it should be “about the games” not the free stuff. But it’s marketing. WELCOME TO CAPITALISM. Remember, at the end of the day though, few gamers are going to give a game a good review because they had a hot girl dressed up as Tifa at the booth. They just might go to that booth sooner than later.

Golden Jew
Golden Jew
18 years ago

Pen and paper sucked ass, but the sega one is awesome. They could do a really good job of an MMO with it… if they don’t fuck it up horribly. And they probably will. Fuck it up, I mean.