Ubisoft

Review – My Japanese Coach

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I have no idea how to review a language learning game before I’ve learned the language. Stay tuned for my full review of My Japanese Coach sometime in the next seven years. For now, though, I can address some of the valid and not so valid complaints people have had about the game.

The most flagrant problem is Ubisoft published a Japanese game that teaches you the wrong stroke order for some kana and kanji. Writing characters and syllables in the correct stroke order is (I am told) crucial in Japanese and it’s embarrassing that this game doesn’t get them all right. There are under 100 syllable symbols in Japanese and My Japanese Coach teaches at least five incorrectly. I can understand teaching kanji incorrectly, there are thousands of them and they’re complex, but after a few weeks of using an actual textbook, I could write all of the kana correctly. Apparently that puts me ahead of the experts who made this game. →  Today I consider myself the luckiest reader on the face of the earth.

Review – Prince of Persia

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The games and film industries are currently obsessed with the concept of reboots. While this is not a new concept, traditionally reboots are greenlit for franchises that are fairly old, and only when the IP holder feels that it will remain commercially viable after a modern facelift. Certain entities in the gaming world have bucked this trend, prescribing reboots for series that are still currently popular, and have likely had at least one new entry in the last five or so years. From a theoretical standpoint, this makes sense. If you are choosing something to to reboot from a list of modern franchises, it is much easier to determine their viability when your audience still remembers them. It also allows a publisher to continue churning out sequels at a steady clip without the new entries feeling immediately stale.

That being said, the industry’s reboot decisions have often been poorly made. Tomb Raider just had one not long ago with TR:Legend, and already Eidos wants to consider another. →  All you need is read.

Ubisoft publishes crap on Wii, crap doesn’t sell, Ubisoft confused

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North American Ubisoft president Laurent Detoc recently showed concern over his company’s Wii titles. According to a recent Gamasutra article –

“He acknowledged the Wii in particular has been difficult for Ubisoft to find success with. Pointing to the console’s generous sales, he noted that games published for the Wii made up only 10 percent of Ubisoft’s sales last year, and added that the company will need to work harder to create games that will ‘sell as well as Nintendo’s own Wii titles.'”

Let us run through the list of games Ubisoft has published for the Wii as it may elucidate the company’s problems.

No More Heroes – A great game, by far Ubisoft’s best reviewed Wii title, also made by a talented developer (so obviously not Ubisoft). Given zero marketing, guaranteeing this quirky ultraviolent title’s demise.

Red Steel – An ok launch title for the Wii, sold over a million copies despite obvious flaws.

Raving Rabbids – A decent party game and good early effort. →  To be this lame takes ages.

Assassins Creed – A fifty eight thousandth perspective

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Spoiler Alert!

Contrary to its sweet box depicting a stealthy, medieval assassin decked out in (incongruously clanky) ninja-type gear, this is not a game about a medieval assassin. Instead, it is a game about — buckle up, my friend — some guy in the present day who is kidnapped by a mysterious corporation…and forced to repeatedly hook himself up to a machine…that not only can access the stored ancestral memories that lie dormant in his DNA, but can turn these ancient memories into a virtual reality world…that he can interact with in order to unlock additional memories; in his case, the memories of his awesome assassin predecessor…who apparently carried the same gene for white hoodies that he does. Got that? No? Well, through the magic of the printed word, you can read it again. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

So yeah: in this game, you’re not an assassin skulking his way around Crusades-era Levant. You’re some guy being forced to relive the memories of a skulking forebear who was, sadly, much cooler and tougher than he is. →  Contains 10% more consonants than comparable articles.

Beyond Good and Evil – Slightly less than amazing

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Beyond Good and Evil is the poster child for several “Most Underrated Games of All Time” lists. It has a small army of dedicated fans who will just about yell and scream at the unwashed masses who haven’t played it yet. To even consider it as a bad game is an act of treason to every website and hardcore gamer on the ‘net.

See if you can follow this: She wears green lipstick, a green headband, green jacket, off green pants, and her name is Jade.

Folks, get the noose ready, because I’m about to go for broke. While I have to blame some of it on the hype that was slathered on it for months on end, Beyond Good and Evil is nevertheless one of the most underwhelming gaming experiences I have ever had. I’ve heard all the arguments for it, and even the best have been unable to convince me of this game’s quality. I just can’t see it, though lord knows I’ve tried. →  I got served!

Review – Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

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I’m sure everyone remembers the shitstorm that hit the Internet when Prince of Persia: Warrior Within was released two years ago. An unstoppable tide of criticism and disgust toward the game flowed for months, only getting worse when it ended up outselling The Sands of Time by leagues. (Thankfully, we were spared from having the Prince’s early game cry of “You Bitch!” become the next Internet trend.) However, the most curious thing about the criticism was that very few people ever made any sort of commentary on the actual gameplay. For all intents and purposes, it looked like angry nerds acting as immature and angsty as the kids that Warrior Within was trying to cater to (though that is not to say that I didn’t jump on the bandwagon for some period of time).

Why waste time with sex then violence when you can have sex AND violence?

Somehow I broke out of that funk and got around to playing the game. →  Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about huffing paint.