Wario Ware Smooth Moves for the Wii — In playing this game I discovered a maxim that holds true. In observing my personal failures and some of my friend’s successes in playing the Wario Ware mini games, I discovered this: The extent to which you are good at Wario Ware is the extent to which you are a bastard. This is because Wario Ware has been created to reward the wicked and punish those of us with dignity and gameplay standards like functional controls or knowing game objectives before you lose. Wario Ware apologists would have you believe that the minigames are varied, fun, and fair — but they would be lying. 80% of the games can be won only by shaking the remote, or occasionally waving it around or throwing it at your friend.
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Most Wario Ware fans don’t realize that you can do this IRL, too. |
Here is a list of the minigames available in Wario Ware:
Shake the remote to shuffle papers
Shake the remote to put out a fire
Shake the remote to grate cheese
Shake the remote to grind an herb
Shake the remote to open some curtains
Shake the remote to seduce an older woman
Shake the remote to hula-hoop
Shake the remote to roast some meat
Shake the remote to put-down an injured dog
Use the remote to balance a broom on screen, in the simulated gravity of Jupiter
Wave the remote around to pick up an apple
Use the remote to guide fingers into orifices
Throw the remote at the TV as hard as you can (this minigame can be improvised during any other minigame)
If the games are so simple, you might ask, then how does anyone lose? → Start your journey now, my Lord.
