Weekly News We Care About Wrap Up – 6.29.07

Capcom not merging with another company
Sega and Sammy did it, Square and Enix did it, so why not Capcom? Imagine the awesomeness of Capnomi — crossovers like Phoenix Wright Solid, Gradius May Cry, and Silent Resident Evil Hill would delight fans worldwide.

Unfortunately (or fortunately if you live in the real world), Capcom won’t be merging with another company any time soon. They did announce they would go the Sega route of buying a bunch of crappy Western developers, at least. We can only hope Capcom nonchalantly hands over enormous franchises for their new developers to systematically destroy.

Dragon’s Lair DS
This game gets a bad rap just because it’s basically not interactive in any way. It’s true that if Dragon’s Lair came out today on the PS3 and looked amazing but offered little to no gameplay, my throat would be sore from all the screaming about how shitty it is. But back in 1983 this was a damn cool experience. Think of it as an interactive cartoon and you’ll hate it less, much like how Phoenix Wright may suck as a game but is top notch interactive fiction.

Dragon’s Lair’s gameplay was also only terrible because the game offered no other mechanics. The entire thing was a QTE — watch a minute of cartoon, hit up, watch 20 seconds of cartoon, hit the action button, watch 45 seconds of cartoon, hit left instead of down and enjoy the excellently animated death sequence. This game mechanic has been used well in many important titles, including God of War, Resident Evil 4, and much, much more importantly, Shenmue.

You’ve got to wonder how that creature managed to make it into that room when its hand barely fits through the doorway.

The game looks stupid as hell split between the two DS screens (check the link). It also will probably put you to sleep. I never meant you should buy it, only respect it.

Most console owners don’t use their systems for DVD playback
Not many people use their consoles to watch movies, as Sony is finding out (PS3 FTL LOL!!!). I’ve long bitched about how stupid it is to bundle every system with a CD and DVD player. As it is, there are 38 DVD and 96 CD players in my living room alone.

The results of this survey may be very important as they show that the public has not embraced Sony and Microsoft’s media hub vision. How many more generations will it take to conquer the living room at this rate?

3rd party Nintendo support levels up
People still seem confused about how third party support works. I’ve seen people on forums explaining that the Wii may get more support but only by B and C teams and that all major franchises are safe on the PS3 and 360.

This makes sense if you assume companies are trying to not maximize profits. If, on the other hand, they are looking to make as much money as possible, it seems likely that big name franchises and AAA titles will find their way onto the Wii.

Think back to other generations. Most of the franchises we love today were started on the most popular console of its day, not necessarily the most powerful one. Producers want to sell a bajillion copies of their games and they tend to move projects onto whichever console will help them do that.

It’s still too early to declare the Wii the winner of the universe. But I guarantee that if the numbers don’t change in nine months, we will witness some major franchise games on the Wii. It’s simply financial suicide to say, “Well, it’ll cost more and sell half as many on the 360, but the Wii just isn’t next gen enough for our game.”

Sony sued and settles
I don’t remember hearing about this one. Looks like EA isn’t the only company cool enough to not pay over time wages. But of course, Sony admits no wrong doing. It’s an amazing world where you can pay for your crimes without acknowledging you committed them.

Inner peace through outwardly being offended at nearly everything
A coworker and I recently had a discussion on the hilarity of bone cancer jokes. Unfortunately for comedy, though, he admitted he has cut back on bone cancer jokes because of run ins with uptight audiences who knew of people who died from bone cancer.

“That’s not funny, my mom died of bone cancer.”

A Burnout ad recently ran into similar criticism. The broken wreckage in the ad makes light of something serious. It encourages aggressive driving and possibly even homicidal violence. But really, it comes down to,

“That’s not funny, my mom died in a car accident.”

The flaw in this argument is that death is funny. Specifically, other peoples’. Most people will acknowledge this fact but still want to play moral outrage games. Death we are unfamiliar with is hilarious, but anything that touches close to home is offensive. Similar to a friend who, quite rightfully, finds it amusing to mock people because of handicaps, race, IQ, and anything else you can think of but thinks seizures are very serious and not funny simply because he is prone to them.

Seizures are funny, whether or not you know someone with them or have them yourself. Similarly, car accidents are hilarious despite the fact your uncle’s skull shattered after shattering the windshield. Bone cancer is funnier than both seizures and car crash deaths and is only topped by the ultimate disease — bonitis.

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17 years ago

There’s nothing funny about bonitis. My dad, a professional reaganaut dollar-jockey, decided to freeze himself until a cure for bonitis is found.

17 years ago

I don’t think most consoles were “bundled” with a CD player or a DVD player so much as they happened to use the same optical media format and could play them with simple divers and software. Though the Saturn could play CD’s, which goes to show that it just won’t work. (who else wants to tease Jay with me?)

17 years ago

my only regret is that i have bonitis

17 years ago

Interesting, I have always used my PS2 (and now my roommate uses his XBox360) for the DVD/HD-DVD capabilities. I see no reason to shell out more money for another player. Perhaps this is the divide between the hardcore gamer and the… retard? How could you not know your PS2 plays DVDs? I’m outraged.

16 years ago

You are lucky i don’t have bonitis, so i find your comments hilarious. But if you ever say a word about bursitis i’ll kill your dog.