Suck It, 3D Realms

Skesis Nukem

I have been very tight lipped about the Duke Nukem Forever situation. I have been for a decade. When speaking of the project I have only ever defended the guys at 3D Realms. Making a game can’t possibly be an easy undertaking, especially a game established in success, steeped in expectation and absolutely festooned with the hopes and dreams of thousands of loyal fans.

My only real expectation has been that they release a good game that they have packed full of a love of the franchise and dripping with Duke Nukem goodness. Just as Duke Nukem 3D was the obvious evolution of the Duke Nukem platformers, so too should DNF be the obvious evolution of D3D.

At every engine change or design reboot or announcement that it was just a few months away those associates of mine who had already given up the ghost, their collective DNF will depleted, would chatter like the Skeksis at feast about the turgid state of the development process, its distention fueling rage. Through torrents of complaint and bitter resentment I held my tongue and kept my foot in 3D Realms’s corner.

That is until today.

Today I read an *interview at Gamasutra with Van Lierop, 3D Realms’s new creative director; new as in not there when they started DNF. In this interview Lierop lets us in on a few items that some might read as basic industry brik-a-brak and general interview backwash. He brushes away, as expected, the extended timelines and mistakes made by the DNF devs and moves on to bigger and more exciting announcements. It is this point that rankles me.

Why the hell are we talking about anything but DNF? Lierop lets us in on a few super secret but totally amazing announcements that are going to be made between now and 8 months from now with the caveat that none of these announcements are about DNF. These are supposed to get me all excited about new 3D Realms product but, honestly, all I come away with was the fact that DNF is sure as hell not going gold in the next 8 months.

This sort of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I understand that 3D Realms isn’t Duke Nukem Inc., and has a right to produce whatever the hell else they want to produce (Prey??), but let’s face two major inescapable facts:

1. 3D Realms might as well be Duke Nukem Inc. for all anyone actually gives a damn.

2.You might think your interview is being read because we’re interested in your neat little side projects, Van, but we really only want to hear even the slightest mention of DNF; our concern for your other interests can be measured in pico-givashits.

The more I think about this particular interview the more I realize that this sort of thing doesn’t just leave a bad taste in my mouth, but actually slaps it out just after putting it in there. Don’t tell me how great everything is going and that you’ve got all of these cool announcements to make about shit that doesn’t have to do with what I’ve been defending and you’ve been cluster-jacking for the last 10 years. The striking level of apathy toward the few of us that still believe DNF has a chance of being something amazing is staggering.

I’ll still buy it on launch day, though. Fancy that.

Please do our advertising for us:
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
14 years ago

haha bonus points for that funny comment just to cover your usage of ‘s =P

14 years ago

I’ve also seen archaic exceptions made for Hercules, but in general don has my backing on this one. But what the hell is a Skeksis doing arguing with Duke in l33t?

14 years ago

even if i weren’t good friends with the person who runs this site i would visit simply because there are people here who care about grammar. a rare find on the internets.

13 years ago

I have to agree with the writer for naming 3D Realms to Duke Nukem Incorperated. That was the only game 3D Realms has released in the past 10 years ( prey was made by humanhead and max payne by someone else). The only reason I go to the sight of other week is to news on DNF, but the latest thing on the site is a max payne movie trailer ( which sucks bye the way).

Yes i make mistakes in spelling and grammar, but who cares. No one is perfect, and stop trying to be grammar nazi’s all the time. Its only the internet.

13 years ago

Matt – Max Payne was made by Remedy. A great name for a studio making a game about a cop who takes painkillers to heal himself


[…] I’ll wait for a few minutes while you roll around on the floor laughing/crying/shitting your fucking self. […]