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ASCII art game – Shoot ‘Em

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When it comes to Youtube vids made of ASCII art, quality can hit or miss. But this is the first time I’ve seen it used to make a 3d game. The name is Shoot ’em , and the concept is simple – use your ASCII gun and ASCII mines to blow up ASCII shapes so they don’t crash into your ASCII ship. old schooley techno plays in the background. Also, you can run out of ammo. It is 3d and mouse driven, and while not the most thrilling game ever, it is a sight to behold.

In case you are wondering how the game works – it looks to use a custom image conversion layer in OpenGL (thanks to Tringi for pointing this out to me!), which is pretty damn impressive if you ask me. →  Read the rest

Metal Gear Silly 4

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I should begin this blog with a disclaimer – I have played all of the Metal Gear Solid games, and sooner or later I know I will play 4. With that out of the way, I want to say that the hype for MGS4 can get puzzling at best.

Now I’m not saying that the game deserves no hype. Anything MGS is guaranteed to get people talking, and for good reason. It just seems weird. Unless I wasn’t paying attention, it felt like MGS3 had the least amount of hype and talk before its release, and yet it for my money its the best game in the series. Now with MGS4 we get a new trailer ever few months, and from just this we’ve got floods of comments where people are already claiming it to be the best game of this generation. →  Read the rest

The Bioshock Occlusion

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HateComputer

My PC is stout. A 3.2ghz Quad core, 8gb RAM, GeForce 7950 SLI (x2) beast with a raptor managing triple boot, 2tb of SATA storage and a 1000 watt PSU to keep the cheesy blue cathodes and 8 case fans humming wildly in PC mod rapture. I can run any game at any resolution (yes, even with the months old 7950s) at hundreds of FPS. It makes little girls cry, old men shit themselves and, if the moon is just right, can grab hold of the minds of all within a forty block radius and twist them to my devious desires.

So I guess it only makes sense then that I bought Bioshock for the 360.

I was given a choice, you see. The PC version was right there next to the xBox version on the special Bioshock end-cap at my local blue-shirt-crap-shack. →  Read the rest

Bioshock and Awe

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First of all, let me say that I hope that everyone who can play Bioshock is trying their best to do so. This is a big, important game that we need to discuss campfire style.

Second, I want to tell everyone to please, please, slow the hell down.

Thanks to Bioshock’s art deco style, mesmerizing visuals, and Randian plot and philosophy, there are already people declaring this an instant work of art. By the end of the year you will no longer hear chants of “Ico! Beyond Good and Evil! Shadow of the Colossus!”. Instead the only weapon many gamers will wield will be Bioshock.

ReggieHatesYou

Again, I say to this – slow down. Wait until everyone has played it. Wait until the initial excitement and hype has died down, as this has a huge inflating effect on our opinions of a game. →  Read the rest

What are we Playing?

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I don’t know what you dear readers are playing, but I’ve got myself a tough choice, as demonstrated on the right:

Don’t pity me. I’ll somehow play them while still squeezing in Prime 3 this month.

I promise reviews as quickly as possible. At least for Bioshock.

Square Enix and the Merch

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Man Square Enix, you just live to piss me off, don’t you? Apparently you’ve opened your merchandise store to the west, and rather than being a force of awesome, you’ve filled it with lousy merchandise and worthless jewelry so teenage otaku have something to go with their black nail polish.

Let’s look at the subcategories on the side navigation bar. We’ve got specific links for every Final Fantasy from 7 to 12…. oh wait. FF9 isn’t there. Sorry Zidane; guess you weren’t emo enough pal. The rest of the FF’s, as well as all of Dragon Quest are each lumped into a big series category. Just great.

I guess we can still look at what they have. Hmm. Seems the other FF’s have nothing to offer me but figurines of summons. →  Read the rest

Super Metroid lands on VC, slaps your face

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…and makes you its bitch. Super Metroid, regarded as one of the best games of all time, has become available for a meager eight dollars through the all-mighty Virtual Console service. EIGHT DOLLARS! If you don’t take the smallest of steps to secure this game on your Wii, then may God herself have mercy on your soul.

But seriously, get Super Metroid. You’ll be surprised how accurate all those crazy fanboys on the net really were. It really is one of the greatest games of all time. I myself would say that it is the best 2D adventure ever made, and any gamer should play it at least once. You owe it to yourself to part with that $8 you stole from ol’ Granny.

Trust me, if she played Super Metroid, she would have done the same thing.

Dreamcast Mania! – Canceled games: PC Ports

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The Dreamcast was home to many excellent games, but due to its early demise, it was also home to many canceled games. These games, though varied, can be broken up into three main categories – ports of PC games, games that made it to other consoles, and games that never came out. Today, we will look at the PC ports and imagine how things would have turned out had the Dreamcast lasted a few more years.

Black and White
What was it?
A very well received god sim by Peter Molyneux.

Would it have been good?
Probably but it would be infuriating without the Dreamcast mouse.

Would it have sold?
Yes but not nearly as well as on the PC. Complex PC games and console games have different audiences.

Would it have actually come out? →  Read the rest

Sony’s Jamie Macdonald lies to Spong

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Digg led me to a hilariously bad review of Bioshock today. The site the review is on is called Sony Defense Force and, luckily, the entire site is hilarious. It may be a parody but it’s hard to tell, especially after the All I Want For Christmas is a PSP debacle.

Browsing the SDF page, I came across this gem of a story: PS2 still outselling Wii in all Major Markets. The bloggers own comments are excellent – “Looks like Wii won’t even be able to catch PS2. Get ready for another Sony dominated generation.” More importantly, the quote from Jamie Macdonald is an obvious lie:

“Jamie Macdonald: Could I just point something out – that PlayStation 2 is still outselling Wii in all the major markets.”

Unless he delivered this interview from last year, he is wrong. →  Read the rest

We can’t really be this stupid

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ReggieHatesYou

When my fiancee tells her friends that she’s engaged to a fairly devoted gamer she is almost universally met with reticence; those ‘I feel sorry for you’ little smiles, vacant head bobs and the ubiquitous ‘oh… that’s, um, cool’.

This is because, even though G4 Tech TV, Spike and the Sci-Fi channel would have you believe otherwise, we are not mainstream. Realize that even though you know more gamers today than you ever have in your life, the majority of our country still asks if we use Nintendo Tapes(???) for our xBoxen. We are gaining momentum, yes. Our industry is becoming a huge cash generator and more people than ever are joining the cause, but we’re not at the point just yet where more than 10% of the populace doesn’t think of us as basement dwelling dweebs. →  Read the rest

Dreamcast Mania! – EA

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In my development of articles for Dreamcast Mania!, one theme has come up quite a lot – the lack of support from major companies like EA, Square and Konami greatly injured the Dreamcast’s chances of success. I agree that it certainly wasn’t a good thing, and I certainly agree that missing support from companies like Square and Enix in Japan was very close to receiving a death note. But when it comes to good ol’ Electronic Arts, I’m not so certain.

Hear me out with this one – the Dreamcast was released here in 1999. It died in 2001. 2001 is also the first year of Madden on the Playstation 2. Maybe my memory is foggy, but I remember that during the years of the original Playstation, it was NFL Gameday that was the big football game in town, while Madden was fairly shoddy. →  Read the rest

Metroid == Aliens

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Many people may not know this, but the Metroid franchise is basically the video game version of the Alien movies. There are many subtle similarities between the two that only the trained eye would notice. I’ve seen a few tidbits of info on the Internets, but most are incomplete, or haven’t been updated since Super Metroid. So, in order to right this wrong, I’ve compiled a short list of all the major ties between the two franchises. This is some real investigative journalism here people. This kind of stuff doesn’t come around too often, so pay attention.

1. The names of the alien creatures’ homes. In Metroid, the home world is SR-388. In Aliens, it’s LV-426. Two letters followed by 3 numbers.

2. Main character is a female lead. Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley character is one of the first strong female characters in action movie history. →  Read the rest

Kotaku suggests you buy a shirt

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From their sponsor. I assumed this shameless plug would be met with boos and hisses from commentors, but instead readers were content with discussing the merits of the t-shirt. At least they realized it was stupid and unfunny.

Blogs are a powerful tool for marketers because unlike “objective” journalists, bloggers want readers to want to be their friends. Just between the two of us, let me tell you a secret – Huggies makes the best diapers. This reminds me of the days of Cousin Brucie on the oldies station. As a child, I was always confused when he would take a break from announcing the next song in order to tell us about a sale at Rockaway Bedding, or explain that Dr. Zizmore was THE dermatologist in NYC. Just as I trusted the Cous, Kotaku readers trust Mark Wilson. →  Read the rest

Why does the Wii have so many terrible games?

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I’m not particularly upset about Nintendo’s shift towards casual gamers. Wario Ware, Animal Crossing, and Mario Kart are all awesome series and if I need a second console to play long jRPGs then so be it. Even if expanding the market somehow eliminates niches that are occupied by Japanese RPG developers, which seems counterintuitive, there will still be more good games than I have time to play.

What upsets me about Nintendo is how they allow publishers to use the Wii as a toilet. Boogie could have easily been a good game but it seems EA just gave up halfway through development. Sega had an unknown (to me at least) developer work on their Alien Syndrome game. The best way to pay homage to an arcade classic and to revitalize a franchise is not by making a mediocre game. →  Read the rest

It’s Dreamcast Mania!

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Ladies and gentlemen, we here at videolamer pride ourselves on our knowledge and coverage of both current gaming trends and the very best in classic gaming. However, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and one piece of gaming history has gone unnoticed by us for far too long. Of course I am talking about the Sega Dreamcast.

Almost a decade after its release, the Dreamcast still astounds new comers and old fans alike with its incredible library and fresh ideas. While the three console race of Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft is now ingrained in our minds and memories, we must never forget just how much the Dreamcast brought to the table, as well as how much more it could have done given a little more time. In a time where some gamers bemoan a lack of innovation and creativity, I cannot think of a better remedy than a Dreamcast and a hearty stack of its best titles. →  Read the rest

The Month of Metroid has begun with new preview channel

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Starting off the Month of Metroid, Nintendo has sent us Wii owners a little gift this past Friday in the form of a Metroid Prime 3:Corruption Preview Channel. It’s a free downloadable WiiWare channel that gives users a sneak peek into Metroid Prime 3: Corruption for the Wii, which is due August 27th. After watching the two supplied videos (with two more being released the 13th), I have gone into Metroid overdrive, frothing at the mouth for any and all things Metroid.

The first video is a graphically-impressive look into what’s going to happen to Aran on her newest adventure. At the beginning, you see Aran in a skyscraper, with a voice-over telling you that she’s been infected with the infamous Phazon, the same radioactive material that has plagued the universe since the first Metroid Prime game. →  Read the rest

Halo Gamer Fuel

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Time for videolamer’s required report on Mountain Dew Gamer Fuel, the Pepsi/Halo 3 soda tie in that surprised no one but me (seriously, I had no idea about this until I walked into Safeway yesterday). However, unlike every other report you will read, I am actually going to try the damn stuff instead of giving you the typical proto-Internet nerd speech about how all soda is junk, caffeine is a sad addiction, and how dare you actually drink Mountain Dew and reinforce nerd stereotypes that no one actually pays attention to.

First things first – I’m not sure why Gamer Fuel is out now. I mean, isn’t Halo 3 due at the end of September? And if this is supposed to be fuel for our late night Halo tournaments, then shouldn’t we expect to see this soda on the shelves until at least mid October? →  Read the rest

Brawl Web site reveals completely new material

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As some of you may have noticed, the official Smash Bros. Brawl website finally unveiled completely new material last week.

First off was the new character, Ike, from Fire Emblem. Ike comes without any warning whatsoever – although I’m hoping to see a lot more interesting and varied characters, I’m happy enough that they announced Ike suddenly – it implies there could be more announcements of this sort.

As a character, Ike sounds most like Roy. Some complain that Roy and Marth were too similar in Melee – Ike will only add to these complaints if both of the others return – but I disagree, as Roy and Marth play quite differently, despite how much their moves look alike. I think they can vary Ike’s move style considerably – wielding a two-handed sword, he might actually have more reach than either. →  Read the rest

Multiplayer Worlds of Ass aka Why Tyson Does Not Play MMORPGs

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The list of MMORPGs I have played reads like a high school kid’s job resume; lots of wasted time in short month long bursts. Historically, there have been only two MMORPGs that I have played for a period longer than one month, City of Heroes and Everquest. Even with those two games, I stopped playing after about four or five months. I just can’t stay interested or even begin to get interested in most MMORPGs. I do not think this is my problem though, the fault lies at the feet of online role-playing game creators and the inherent issues that come with the games themselves.

South Park really summed up most MMORPGs when it spoofed the amazingly popular yet spectacularly idiotic World of Warcraft. The people that you play a game with either make or break the experience and for me, that means an atmosphere can be totally ruined when some 500lbs. →  Read the rest

Dragon Questing yet again?

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By now you might have heard the news about Dragon Quest 4, 5 and 6 being remade for the DS. Unsurprisingly, the news is being met with joy more than disgust, because unlike with the constant Final Fantasy remakes, two of these three games have yet to see even one western release.

But with all the celebration comes a sad but true joke that many in the community have made; we probably won’t see these Stateside unless Square can conjure up more Final Fantasy demos. After all the care and attention DQ8 got in its localization, the game sold rather dismally, at least compared to FF12. While RPG fans embraced it, the franchise still doesn’t have the mass appeal that FF has outside of Japan, thus they may not find it worthwhile to get these localized. →  Read the rest