Review — Eternal Sonata

I dislike bullet point reviews almost as much as I dislike people who smile too much and eat pasta salad. And yet, there are so many different aspects of Eternal Sonata that bear commenting on that I find myself gravitating towards the wretched format. So, instead of cleverly disguising a bullet point review with the absence of bullets, let me simply reassure myself that “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me” and dive into the shallow depths of sound bite commentary.

Quick review: Eternal Sonata is a truly beautiful but ultimately flawed game that delivers barely enough substance to warrant my recommendation.

If only all mothers of 8 year old girls were 16.

ES got largely positive reviews both on major US review sites and in the international community. The Japanese sales numbers for the game also speak of its popularity. The accolades that are heaped onto the game focus on its look and immersive atmosphere; but no one seems to notice, or care, that Eternal Sonata fails as an RPG. →  Ask not for whom the game plays, it plays for thee.

Heavenly Suck

I cannot call this a review of Heavenly Sword simply because I have not beaten the game, but then again the reason for writing this is not merely to trash HS but to make the following point: people should be embarrassed more easily.

Allow me to explain… I do not own a PS3. I do not own a PS3 because while deciding whether to purchase a PS3 or a 360 I discovered, with basic research and some help from Jay of videolamer, that there is much more variety and quality to be found in the games for 360 than the PS3. However, the one regret that I had about passing on the PS3 was that I would not get to play Heavenly Sword. I had seen a commercial advertising the game, I had visited the official website and my interest was piqued. But, the way I saw it, I was giving up Heavenly Sword for Assassin’s Creed and Mass Effect. Still, the choice rankled me. →  All the lonely gamers, where do they all come from?

Review – Assassins Creed

From everything I have read online, it seems that gamers everywhere are split into two camps when it comes to Assassin’s Creed: those who love the game and those who find it painfully repetitious. After beating the game over the course of four days, I found myself graduating from one group to the other. For the first third of the game I was frustrated, annoyed, angry, and bored. (Incidentally, three is an important number in the structure of Assassin’s Creed. There are three cities in the game, each with three sections and three assassination targets – one per section. In order to complete an assassination the player needs to collect three out of six available pieces of information about the target. So, judging the game in thirds seems to be a logical way to go)

And yet, despite all of the initial boredom and general dislike of the game, my final verdict is that I like Assassin’s Creed. But, (and this is a big but, at least for me,) I stared liking the game only after I gave up on some of my preconceived notions of gaming like an anal retentive RPG player who considers himself a failure if he misses a single chest in a single dungeon. →  It’s time to read and chew bubblegum… and I’m all outta gum.