EGM – Embarrassing Gaming Mess

You’ll be proud of me folks – I skimmed through a copy of EGM this morning while dropping off my car. It was really nice because it helped me realize that is the funniest website on the internet.

Why? Because every time I read a blog comment there that gets all excited for EGM, or praises EGM for its content, I will be able to laugh my ass off and brighten up my day.

I don’t know where to begin. Maybe I should start with the faux-vintage pixelated logo and article headers that I believe are supposed to convey a sense of “harcore”iness to readers of the magazine about its staff. Kind of like a sprite comic, I guess.

Or maybe I should go into detail about the complete lack of detail on some games, which get no more than a screen and half a paragraph near the beginning of the magazine. I know what you are thinking EGM: you didn’t have much more info at the time of print. Pity that the internet did, and for free at that. Hell, pity that your own website had more, and for free, at the time of print. By the time you actually do that cover story for Boogie, I might actually have played the game already.

But above all of the horrors was the cover story on Soul Calibur 4. Here is a franchise that is trying very much to return to form. How does EGM cover it? By making sure that no two pages go by without saying something about breasts. Do we really need to know that Tira is “moderately endowed”? Especially when we’ve seen her already in a game? I’m not sure if the article actually went into the combat system and balance issues – my intelligence was already insulted. Also, I applaud the usage of the term “cosplay” with the assumption that everyone knows what that is, or that it is something I actually give a damn about (I don’t).

Jay already pissed off EGM/Ziff Davis staff before, so I suppose there is no harm doing it again.

Electronic Gaming Monthly – you are not journalists.

You are, at most, on the road to journalism.

Which says even less about your website-only staff.

Which says even less about me.

Come back when you aren’t busy pandering to boob obsessed teenagers and otaku, and actually strive to bring a semblance of class and challenging articles to the world of “gaming journalism”. Until then, how dare you consider yourselves worthy of the same shelves as Time or The New Yorker or even shit like Rolling Stone

Meanwhile, I also recently read an issue of PC Gamer. It was so good I’m reconsidering a re-subscription. Content included an article about what to do if you don’t agree with a game’s EULA, some exclusive info on Starcraft 2 units, and a great op-ed from RPG legend Desslock about the absurdity of spoken dialogue in RPGs. Solid, interesting, informative content that I could not necessarily get on the Internet.

Dammit do I miss Next Generation.

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16 years ago

I will now defend EGM. When games stop being jokes it will make it easier for journalists to stop making jokes. SC may be a great series but it demands it be taken as a joke by the art. If someone farted every five minutes in Citizen Kane, the media would have made jokes about it despite the high drama between the gas.

Better journalism will not make the rest of the world respect games. Respectable games will.

16 years ago

Well, they could provide criticism, but I think EGM staff openly admits that they are biased fans of the Soul Calibur series.

I used to be a subscriber to EGM a long time ago, stop my subscription as the articles became less interesting…then resubscribed in for the last two years. Quality of the magazine is not that great, but at least in 2007, they are trying to head into a new direction with the magazine. Magazines are becoming tougher buys with online being more up-to-date and current with gaming news. They have tried different articles, some were interesting to read while others made me wonder why I resubscribed to the magazine.

16 years ago

If you miss Next Gen, then read Edge. They’re really the same magazine, but Next Gen has been dead for years while Edge originates in the UK. You can find it in Borders and Barnes & Noble.